No, We Aren't Playing Baseball This Year

It's spring. Soccer and baseball and softball have already started up by us, and by mid-June they'll be over. When I grew up - where I grew up? - these were truly summer sports and didn't encroach so much on spring and the school year. I've been having the question for months already, especially since sign ups for some sports happen back in December, "So, are the wee ones playing (fill in the blank) this year?"

Well, no. They aren't. It just doesn't fit for them, unfortunately.

We tried t-ball for two years because everyone else we know plays, and it was miserable. Neither of the wee ones enjoyed playing, and they weren't that good either. Not having good coaches meant that at the end of the second season, I was still working on teaching them the basic rules (No! When you run to first base, you run the other way!) rather than watching their skills progress to where they could start hitting coach pitch.

Last year, Little Miss played soccer. She liked that a little better, as she loves running around. In practice, she apparently was faster than anyone else and could steal the ball from anyone. Come game time, she hung back each and every time. Her first goal was an own goal. She didn't love it though, and when I asked if she wanted to play again this past fall, she declined. It just wasn't her thing. And Mister Man? I knew better than to let me easily overstimulated sensory-seeking Aspie kid out on a soccer field when he's already not super regulated, not that he had any interest in playing to begin with.

Instead, the wee ones have focused on other sports. Mister Man has done tae kwon do for almost two years, and this is his great love. He goes two or three times each week, and he still tells me that his goal is to make it to black belt. I've seen how it helps his focus and his impulse control, although both still need improvement. They're working now on his push ups, and he's convinced that some day he'll do pull ups, too.

Little Miss is my gymnastics girl. She was invited to the preteam this year, and she's been doing three to four hours of gymnastics a week. Her skills progression has been awesome to watch - and she loves showing me new tricks like her pull overs or the hand stand to a forward roll or the back walkover she can do on her own (when she's on a wedge mat). She's proud and thrilled with what she can do, and she loves how strong it's making her. Right now, she's not doing a Monday night class I had her in to keep her occupied while Mister Man was in OT at the same facility, and every week she asks if she gets to go to gymnastics on Monday - disappointed when the answer is no.

I love that they've discovered sports they're passionate about and that they're the ones who discovered them and are truly the ones who love the time and energy they put into their respective sports. But their sports are a little off the beaten path. And the locations we've been going to aren't the ones that their friends necessarily attend. In a way, that's a little hard because it isn't the same level of social interaction and bonding that so many other kids have talking about the teams they're on together or the sports they do at the same place. I worry just a little bit that they'll one day decide that what they're doing just isn't "cool" enough and want to quit because their friends aren't there with them.

In fact, we changed the gym that Little Miss was at recently, partly for that reason. While Little Miss had been making progress, each time I saw the class (and I didn't often, as my mom insists on taking her to class and spending time with her there) I was disappointed by how hands off the instructors were. I felt like she wasn't getting the corrections she needed not just to get better today but to be safe tomorrow and later when she's doing more difficult and potentially dangerous maneuvers. I discovered almost by accident that one of her classmates attends another gym (not the main one in town that everyone goes to - that one costs as much for one class as what I had been paying for two, ouch!) where the focus is on form and safety. And Little Miss would have a friend there, though the friend is two levels above her right now. We made the switch, and though the class is harder, Little Miss is thrilled - not that she has a friend who goes to the same place, but that she is being challenged and she's rising to that challenge.

In the end, that's what I want the wee ones to do. I want them to carve their own paths. I want them to find their passions and chase them, no matter what their friends are doing or what the popular thing to do is. I want them to find what makes them happy and stick with it. Somehow, I'm ok looking at my friends and acquaintances and telling them yet again, "No. We aren't playing baseball this year. It's just not our thing." When they look at me sadly, my focus is on the smiles I see from the wee ones when they head into class, excited to see what the next hour will bring.

How have you or your children carved your own paths, or have you followed the traditional path and been happy with that?

In the interest of full disclosure, I received a copy of "Up: A Mother and Daughter’s Peakbagging Adventure" by Patricia Ellis Herr as part of the From Left to Write book club where we don't write traditional book reviews but instead write posts inspired by the books we read. I was not compensated, and all opinions expressed remain my own.

Bye-Bye Pull-Ups!

I've written frequently, fifteen posts to be specific, about potty training. Specifically I've written a ton about Little Miss and our potty training issues and challenges. Part of it is simply that Little Miss has a lot of personality.

Though Little Miss has been potty trained during the day since she was two and a half. Nighttime though has been a completely different issue. She simply hasn't stayed dry, as many tactics as we've tried. She's now well past her sixth birthday and still wearing Pull-Ups that are soaked through each morning. Honestly, she just doesn't care. And I decided that it's not a big deal. At some point, kids in school will let her know that it's just not ok to still be in Pull-Ups, and what child goes to college with Pull-Ups? Until that day, she stays in Pull-Ups because I've seen the consequences of leaving them off and done far too much laundry because of it.

Recently, I had a meeting to go to that I couldn't escape. It was an evening meeting, and my husband was coaching, so a sitter was on her way to my house. I had to get the wee ones into bed before she arrived and would have just enough time to do so. As I was finishing up with Mister Man, Little Miss ran up to me.

Mommy, I'm out of Pull-Ups! she exclaimed excitedly, expecting me to have them magically reappear in her drawer, I'm guessing.

Sweetie, I have to leave in five minutes. I can't do anything for you. I have a meeting tonight, and your sitter will be here in five minutes. Remember how we've talked about how you need to tell me when you're starting to get low on Pull-Ups (one of the problems with an older child in Pull-Ups is that said child independently gets them for herself) instead of when you're out? You're sort of stuck tonight, I explained as gently as I could while internally bemoaning the additional laundry I would have to do the next morning.

But Mommy, I have no Pull-Ups left, she repeatedly, perhaps thinking my answer would change.

Sorry, Peanut. You're going to have no choice tonight. I can't get Pull-Ups tonight because the stores will be closed by the time I get home. You must stay dry tonight. Got it?

Ok, Mommy, she smiled at me sweetly.

And amazingly, she was dry the next morning. For the first time, my waking her up at 10:30pm had an impact. I heaved a sigh of relief. She had no school that day, so after we dropped Mister Man at his school, I headed to Costco with her to run some errands.

Ok, Peanut, I explained as we walked into Costco, we can get Pull-Ups now so that you have them to wear tonight.

She looked at me like I'd grown a third head. Mommy, I'm done with Pull-Ups. I don't need them anymore, she snorted at me disdainfully.

I looked at her and shook my head. I suppose I'll take one night of potential laundry in the hopes that I won't have to buy another $30 pack of Pull-Ups. And you know what? She was right. She stayed dry. We continued to wake her up an hour or two after bedtime for several weeks afterwards to ensure that we could help her get into the habit. Though we had two nights where she didn't make it to the potty recently, she's now begun to wake herself up to go.

And I think we're finally done with Pull-Ups. And yes, this is the post that I've been putting off writing because I'm afraid to jinx myself. And if I have sheets to wash tomorrow, I know who to blame.

It's An Honest To Goodness Miracle!

Yesterday morning, I was doing my best to sleep in. The sign was up, meaning that the wee ones would at least allow us to sleep until 7:45 - and hopefully longer. I'd been unceremoniously awakened the four previous days when I would have had a chance to sleep in, and I was really needing to catch up on my beauty sleep as I could feel my crab-o-meter slowly creeping higher.

I was peacefully slumbering, in fact I was having a wonderful dream. Then I started hearing grumblings coming from the bathroom across the hall. Mutterings about it not being where it was supposed to be and how this wasn't working the way it was supposed to, following by grunting and groaning. My sweet dreams for the night were over.

Mister Man burst into my room and practically tackled me on the bed. Mom! Mom! Guess what I just did?

What? I murmured sleepily, almost afraid to hear the answer.

Mom, I did it! The toilet paper ran out, and I put on a new roll all by myself! He was practically bursting with pride.

Really? You changed the toilet paper roll? In the bathroom? Because it was empty? And no one told you? And you figured out how? Dude, I am so proud of you.

I think it's my finest parenting moment ever. Ever.

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To Pee Or Not To Pee...

Little Miss is quite the independent little cuss. Mister Man, in many ways, was so easy. His personality wants to please others and be a good and helpful child. When he was a baby, he wasn’t colicky and he wasn’t a crier. In general, he has a sunny disposition and goes along with what those in authority tell him.

I don’t want to paint Little Miss as a bad child in anyway, but her personality is very different. She does want to be a helper and is very good about helping me do laundry and putting her dishes in the right spot in the dishwasher after meals. But she wants to do things for herself, and she is loathe to accept help no matter how difficult the task.

Good luck putting her to bed if you try lifting her into the bed versus letting her climb in by herself. Don’t even think about helping her feed herself or put pants on or buckle her carseat or anything that she gets into her mind she can do. And woe is the person who makes that mistake.

I will say that I’ve put my foot down on something that has already been done. If something has already been done, she may not undo it to redo it herself. She does accept this now – but only from me.

With this in mind, I thought about how to potty train my little angel. I knew that I would have to make potty training her idea. There would have to be something that she wanted rather than something I was wanting her to do.

I talked about how Mister Man gets to go to swimming lessons because he is potty trained. I discussed how other children in her preschool class use the potty. We chatted about how next year’s preschool won’t let her go to school unless she’s potty trained. I showed her the big girl underwear that Grandma had bought her. We went to Costco and drove by the Pull-Ups aisle where she decided she wanted to get princess Pull-Ups. I also told her that once she’s potty trained, she won’t have ouchies on her bottom anymore – the poor girl gets diaper rash in the blink on an eye, and it’s so hard to get rid of.

When she was in Florida, after I’d bought the Pull-Ups but before we’d started using them, she started using the potty. My mom started keeping her just in Lil’ Swimmers, which I thought was quite brave, and she kept them mostly dry.

When she got back, I told her that she could start wearing Pull-Ups if she kept her diaper dry for two consecutive days. She did it, and we moved into Pull-Ups. She did a great job, and I told her that she would get to wear big girl underwear when she kept her Pull-Ups dry for four days.

She did great. She told me when she had to go potty, and if she mentioned that she was keeping her Pull-up dry, I knew that meant that she needed to get to the potty soon. And it was fully dry and clean. Monday was good, with one small accident at daycare. Tuesday was dry all day long – including telling me when she had to go when we were in the library. Wednesday was pretty good until someone at daycare put her into a diaper instead of a Pull-up and it was soaking wet when I got her home. Thursday my parents watch her, and she had accidents of the wet and dry variety multiple times.

Uh-oh. By the time I got her back on Friday, she was no longer keeping herself dry, so we moved back to diapers since she obviously wasn’t ready. Now, she understands that she can’t wear Pull-ups until she keeps her diaper dry for two days. But she only goes on the potty sometimes. If we go out to eat, she’ll go two or three times during the meal. But tonight she did that, and when we got home she had poop in her diaper. I changed her, and immediately there was more poop. Argh!

With Mister Man, he did great until he had six accidents in one day – pressure on himself, I’m convinced – and we moved him to diapers and didn’t mention the word potty for a month. He was trained within two days when we brought it up again.

With Little Miss, it isn’t about the pressure though. It’s almost like she doesn’t care, and I’m not sure where I go from here. If she doesn’t want to be potty trained yet, that’s fine and I won’t push her, but she talks about wanting to be potty trained. And then she won’t tell me when she has to go. And come September, she must be potty trained to go to preschool although I know that’s three months away.

In the meantime, I’m stumped. Do I quit trying for right now and buy more size 3 diapers (yes, she’s only 26 pounds although she’s really tall so anything bigger leaks because she’s not round enough)? Do I put her in dresses and underwear once summer finally arrives and keep her outside until she figures it out? Do I put her in Pull-ups and grit my teeth? Help!