Dear Northwestern Football,
My deepest apologies. I am fully to blame for your three losses this year, and I regret not having done my part to ensure your victory. Unfortunately, I didn't realize how exact I must be to guarantee a win. I have rectified my error, however, and I promise to do my part this coming Saturday.
Do you remember when I wrote about my football nail art that I've been doing this season? Well, apparently, it isn't good enough to simply do it. The weeks you played Penn State and Nebraska? Well, I was a little lazy. For Penn State, I did the brown on Friday but finished up the manicure Saturday morning while at Mister Man's Tae Kwon Do. And Nebraska? I did that one completely on Saturday morning. Michigan is the most embarrassing. I simply forgot to do it and left on my old manicure.
I was doing the rest of it right. I got my venti Starbucks in the morning. I dressed in purple. And I wore my NU football necklace and 'Cats earrings. I've confirmed that the purple ring doesn't make a difference one way or the other, but I didn't realize how crucial the football manicure was.
This week when you played Michigan State, I made sure to complete my football manicure Friday night. Even though I didn't get home until late, I made sure to stay up long enough to complete the football nail art and let it dry.
And it worked! (Of course.)
I promise to ensure that I get my manicure completed this Friday before the Illinois game. After all, it's my birthday that day, and what better present than an NU win?