Help Wanted!

Tonight, we had friends over for dinner with their children. They're currently potty training their two year old, and it's going surprisingly (to me) well. She sighed that changing diapers was her least favorite thing about in child rearing and couldn't wait for it to be over.

I questioned whether cleaning up puke -- something I cannot do -- wasn't worse. That's something that never seems to end, not even when they go to college. She apparently prefers cleaning puke to poop, who knew.

My husband then joined the conversation stating that if I could find someone to clean the puke, I'd divorce him in a heartbeat. While this statement is nowhere near true -- I have no intentions of ever divorcing my husband sans radically out of character actions. Fortunately, he also knows this, which is why the joke was funny.

However, it did get me to thinking. If I were to place a want ad for a husband, what would it look like?

Help Wanted:

Needed, a mature single male for love and warmth in a happy home with two small children and a wonderful woman (I have to toss that in). Must love endless children's games ranging from blowing bubbles to Candyland to Go Fish and books from wakeup to bedtime. Cooking skills not necessary, but experience with food prep and dish washing is a must. Strong hands for backrubs and opening jars strongly preferred. Ideal candidate must be tolerant, humorous, loving, generous, intelligent, well-read, gentle, patient, kind, honest, and hardworking. Job duties include mowing the lawn, emptying trash cans, ironing, cleaning bathrooms, caring for sick children, ferrying children to and from activities, teaching fertile minds, and pushing swings higher. The ability to get along well with others in unfamiliar situations is a plus, as is the ability to know when to stop talking. No experience necessary. Pay to be negotiated. References required.

So what would your want ad look like? And what am I forgetting?