T Minus Four Days...

I realized that I have a heck of a lot to do in the next couple days aside from the usual working and wrangling kids. Fortunately, Google came to my rescue to alert me to all my duties prior to and the day of the wedding, as well as what I’m supposed to carry in my invisible shrinking bag on the day of the wedding.

My dress did finally arrive about two weeks ago, fortunately. When I tried it on, it was too big, but it’s since been altered as much as it’s going to be. I’m so not a sewer, so don’t ask me what was done. A friend’s mom did it for me, and said friend dropped it off around 9:30 last night. Needless to say, I’ve yet to try it on again. That’s a task for tomorrow, I think… somewhere between dropping Little Miss at preschool, an hour long conference call, running, picking up Little Miss, getting to Language Stars (where of course it’s parents’ week, so I have to stay), and going to Mom’s Night at Mister Man’s preschool. Oh yeah, and the final prep for the Cinco de Mayo celebration when I get back on Monday!

Fortunately, I already had silver shoes and appropriate jewelry, so that part is taken care of with no worries. And since we’re in Houston, I won’t even pretend like I’m going to wear pantyhose. The hair and makeup lady is going to take care of me, so that’s set.

And before anyone lectures me on being too irreverent or not performing my duties with the proper respect, keep in mind that my friend who’s getting married isn’t exactly into the whole girlie wedding thing. She’s no help to me when asking her what she wants or needs me to do, nor does she really care.

I do know that I have a speech to write, but I’ve yet to start on that one. Maybe that’ll be a task for the plane ride down (which means the other bridesmaid will yell at me when she sees me working on it then since she’s sitting next to me for the flight; she’s a little more uptight about this whole thing than I am). Anyone have a good speech I can use?

I know I’m in charge of keeping her dress straight and pinning up the train afterwards. Oh yeah, and holding her bouquet during the ceremony. All of that came as news to my friend, so I went googling MOH duties tonight and found a great list of what I’m supposed to keep track of.

Dress: Ummm, it’s living in Houston now and Saks will be delivering it to the hotel. I think I’m ok there. I will, of course, help her get dressed. And learn how her bustle works.

Bobby pins: Fortunately, I always travel with some in my overnight kit. Don’t ask why. Really, just don’t.

Makeup: Well, the makeup lady is going to do our makeup. Am I supposed to go out and buy a new set? How about the bride has a stash of powder or whatever, and we go from there?

Makeup for touchups: Oh! Apparently the makeup was the original makeup. In that case, makeup lady has us covered, and I just need to figure out touchups. Hmm. Maybe I’ll stop at Ulta and buy some of those blotting things to stick in my (hopefully) matching clutch and call it a day.

Clear nail polish: Obviously this was written for someone who’s not having a wedding in Houston. We’re so not wearing nylons. Although maybe I should bring some in case her 24 hour old manicure starts to chip. With my luck, it’ll be my manicure that chips!

Nail glue: Seriously? How about nail file?

Hairspray: Hmmm. This one may not be a bad call. Ten to one I leave it in my hotel room. That’s ohhh, an elevator ride away from the ceremony and reception. Check!

Tissue: Apparently this is in case we start to cry? Or snot runs down our faces? Actually, given the way I feel right now, that may not be a bad option. I have an empty Kleenex box sitting next to me because I woke up with a horrendous cold this morning.

Perfume: Just in case we start to stink, I suppose. May happen.

Jewelry for the Bride and yourself: I love how they capitalize “bride” there.

Wedding dress shoes and a casual pair for after: Umm, for after what exactly? Some fetishes I refuse to be a party to. Plus, the bride went with the groom’s mom a few weeks ago to buy some ballroom dancing shoes with special inserts to keep them comfortable. Since groom’s mom is a former ballet dancer, I think she’s covered.

Undergarments for the wedding dress: Ok, now they have to be joking. Do they really expect me to go out and buy them or hold onto them because the bride can’t be trusted to dress herself now?

Needle, thread (white and color of bridesmaid dresses), and scissors: Ok, this I was planning to bring, since I have a cute handy dandy little sewing kit. And it’s the best way to avoid jinxing myself!

Contact solution/rewetting drops or glasses: Now this is useful, as the bride does wear contacts. But I don’t. Maybe I’ll bring a little tote where I can steal things out of her room to keep in my “Official Things To Bring To The Wedding” bag.

Breath Mints: No comment needed, really!

Pantyhose/Nylons (at least 2 pair): Maybe if we were going to rob a bank….

Change of clothing for after: I’m starting to feel like I’m supposed to be a pack mule.

Phone numbers for all the important vendors: How do you choose an important vendor vs an unimportant one?

Watch: Ok, now I’m in trouble. My watch broke last October, and I haven’t gotten a new one. It’s on my List Of Things To Do, but I haven’t found one I really like yet, not that I’ve looked all that hard. Does my cell phone count?

Any prescription medication the bride or groom is on: Note here that they capitalized neither bride nor groom. Interesting. Actually, if the best man doesn’t grab it, I’m taking the epi pen for the groom who’s deathly allergic to all aquatic life, and I know there are fish type things on the appetizer trays and for dinner. Nothing like living on the edge at your own wedding!

Plane tickets and luggage if the newlyweds are going on their honeymoon straight from the wedding: Phew, they aren’t going until July (interestingly – my husband and I were married in May and honeymooned in July, too!).

Extra money (just in case of emergency): Heh. Can I assign my husband to this one? I’m notorious for walking around with $3 in my wallet for weeks at a time because I just don’t buy things and generally don’t use cash. I actually need to stop at Costco ummm Wednesday to buy a couple things and use my rebate check so I will have cash on hand for Houston.

A friend to stand by for back up (yes two words for them) in case the car has a flat tire or engine problems: Yep, we’re all guests in Houston with no rental cars, but I’ll find someone to be a backup in case a car breaks down. At what point do you just say that it’s fate telling you not to get married?

Your speech: hmm. See above!

Card to give the bride (always a cute friend idea): Coming from the person who doesn’t give anyone cards for any occasion and has her kids use scratch paper to draw cards for birthday parties, ok! Actually, maybe I’ll have my kids make some.

2 garters (1 to keep and 1 to toss): Really? People would want to keep their garters? I suppose I should ask her if she’s even doing a garter toss….

Groom’s ring: I can almost guarantee I'll have to wrestle the groom's mom for it.

Tylenol and Tums: Now this is my kind of partier! Whoever wrote this was definitely planning to have a blast at the wedding!

Deodorant/antiperspirant: Definitely stealing this from her room. I wouldn’t want to share with anyone or have anyone share with me. Actually, I’d go for the "not needing any more than I’d already put on" theory.

Phone Numbers of all Important Family Members in the Wedding, Bridesmaids, Grooms: Yep, that was the entire sentence and their caps, not mine

Toothbrush: Ah ha! Those visits to the dentist come in handy. I have a brand spanking new one that I can bring down (I use a Sonicare so the ones from the dentist usually get donated). Interestingly, they don’t suggest toothpaste.

Antacid: Isn’t that covered by the Tums and Tylenol? They’re really reaching now.

Cash (In small bills for tips): We’re going to a strip club and no one told me?

Apparently I’m not a good maid of honor. Fortunately, my friend isn’t a good bride, so it’ll all work itself out, right? Anyone have a guess as to whether or not either of the other bridesmaids will pay me for the dresses I bought them before the ceremony actually occurs? Or for the very nice shower I paid for? Whoops, that was petty.

Lastly, can you all send me good vibes? I’m actually skipping yoga tonight because I feel so yucky. With all the oranges I eat, you’d think I’d stay healthy, but apparently karma’s having a good laugh at my expense.