Really, This Is Just A Big Whine Of A Post....

Sometimes, I wonder why I work. I will admit that I’ve got a great gig. I work three days a week, and two of those are from home. The work I do is challenging, and I get a decent paycheck for it. Plus, my agreement with my boss is that three days a week (salaried) means 24 hours. If I work more than 24 hours one week, another week I’ll work less than 24 hours.

For the most part it works out well. Then we have weeks like this. My job is essentially that of an internal consultant. I get drafted for projects that have no resources available and then shepherd them through whatever process it is. Generally, it’s pretty fun. Last week, I was told that I had an opportunity to change my role slightly in that I’d be working specifically to pore over deals that we’ve made to figure out how to return them to profitability. And Monday, I got “asked” to be a project manager for a behind schedule, cross functional, high visibility project. In other words, all guts, no glory.

Yesterday was my day in the office. I left the house at 7:45, and I left work at 6:45 to make it to my babysitting co-op meeting (as I complained about yesterday!). Today was a home day. The nice thing is that I get to wake up my kids, eat breakfast with them, get Mister Man on the bus, and take Little Miss to preschool. Then I go home and start working. Again, the flexibility my work allows me is great.

I have one task that has to be completed today, or I become a hypocrite. The first task of a project manager is to put together a project plan (since said project has been going on since February, you might assume there was one already, but you’d be sorely mistaken!). Before I was “asked” to do this, the overall project plan was promised to be delivered for review of the team by tomorrow. I don’t work on Fridays.

With the lack of data, people freaking out over me wanting to know what their plans were, etc., you can imagine how fun my day was. Today, I put in 11 ¾ hours. Sadly, I just logged off at 9:27. Again, the benefits of being at home, I was able to run out to hug my kids after my mom had picked up Little Miss from preschool and Mister Man had gotten off the bus before they left to go to my parents’ house. And I didn’t starve (not likely to happen anyway!) since I’m working at home and could grab dinner and eat it while still working. When the wee ones walked in the door, I was able to give them a hug and kiss good night as Daddy did everything else.

And now I have meetings tomorrow for an hour and a half. And every other Tuesday for an hour. And I know it will only continue with this project.

So now I’m asking myself why I’m doing this. I used to work full time when I had both kids. I was in client management and owned an account on the west coast. Between travel and working late, I literally did not see the wee ones during the week. I quit to stay at home (and you can all see how well that worked out!) when Mister Man was 2 and would scream “Noooo!” and hide if I tried to give him a hug. Subtle hint, really.

I haven’t truly spent time with my kids for more than an hour or two in almost two weeks now. That just isn’t right.

And I do enjoy the challenge of work, but this will be a thankless project and a lot of stress. At the same time, I know that I am a better and more patient mom when my brain is challenged like it is now and I do have regular adult interaction. While we can definitely afford me staying home, my working allows us to do the fun things in life that we want to do without worrying or living paycheck to paycheck, which is one of my greatest fears.

But I’m overscheduled. And I need to find a fix, for myself and my family. But for now… I’m going to bed! What a bummer of a post, no?