I Forgot To Invent That Rule...

The morning started out normally enough, today.

Mister Man woke up and went to the bathroom and got himself dressed. Not fully matching and all, but who am I to quibble? Today, it was all right side out and front facing, which is not always the case. For some reason, wearing clothes backwards and inside out absolutely cracks him up. It’s taken me awhile to convince him that wearing underwear backwards is just not a good idea.

Little Miss had taken off all Baby Coco’s clothes and was now trying to put them back on. Since the diaper had to go on first and Baby Coco is not exactly the most flexible doll, that meant it was my job to get her dressed again before Little Miss could go potty, change her diaper (she likes to use the potty … but only when she wants to so we’re still in diapers) and get her dressed.

At breakfast, they both wanted waffles, which is pretty typical. And of course, Little Miss wanted to put them in the toaster, so the chair was pulled over to the toaster in anticipation of Mommy handing over the precious frozen disks.

Both of them ate their breakfasts well and even drank their milk without any reminders. Then Little Miss decided she was still hungry. We decided on Goji berries. I’m not a fan of them, so they’ve been in the house awhile – they’re dried, relax. For some reason, she likes them. She got a small handful added to her plate.

About that time, Mister Man asked for some more milk, so I got up to get that for him. As I came back, Little Miss had a bit of a sneezing fit. I noticed that Little Miss was wiping her nose afterwards. Easy solution: I got a Kleenex for her and handed that over. Little Miss Independent doesn’t like help if it’s something she can do for herself, after all.

As I sat down to try to eat my granola and yogurt, she started fussing and pulling at her nose. I asked her what was wrong and she whined something unintelligible. I asked her to repeat herself so I could understand, at which point she burst into tears. I picked her up, sang Lullaby and got her calmed down. I asked again and she said her nose hurt.

I took a look, and I could see a dried up bit of snot in there. I tried to get it with a fingernail – oh the things moms will do, and don’t try to tell me you’ve never done the same. It didn’t come out, so I looked more closely. It wasn’t snot. It was a Goji berry. Oh so calmly, I asked Little Miss if she’d put a Goji berry in her nose. Sniffling (egads – don’t sniffle!), she nodded. I asked her how many Goji berries she put in her nose. I was pretty sure the answer was one.

I tried using my fingers like a pincer to get it out, but that wasn’t happening. Mister Man by that point was hopping up and down out of his chair telling me that Little Miss was in so much trouble!

As I looked at the clock and realized that Mister Man’s bus was going to be coming in the next ten minutes and I then had to get Little Miss to preschool and had a call starting at 9am (which I call into as I’m walking out of preschool, of course), I calculated how bad the situation would have to be before I’d need to go to the ER.

This is quite obviously not my first run in with a potential ER situation. When Mister Man was 17 months, he had rotovirus and was hospitalized for four days. Last May, Little Miss had pneumonia and we were in the hospital for about 8 hours one night before her oxygenation improved enough to go home. And in February, Little Miss had RSV where we also spent some time in the ER getting her stabilized. But a Goji berry? C’mon!

I’ve heard stories of people who’ve had to go to the ER to get M&Ms and other goodies out of their noses. In fact, I’ve heard of kids who’ve tried to get it out (or maybe their moms had tried to get them out) and instead pushed them up far enough that surgery was required. Well, surgery definitely wasn’t on my agenda for today.

I debated briefly what to do, as I started the lecture to both of them about not putting anything in their noses, not even their fingers. Luckily, I’ve given the finger part of that lecture often enough that I can recite it while my brain searches for alternate solutions.

What would they do if they were in the ER? I pondered this briefly before I realized that, of course, in the ER the first step would be to try to use a pair of tweezers to get the item out. We have a pair of tweezers! I ran upstairs to get them, while warning Little Miss not to move a finger.

Now, anyone who’s ever played the board game Operation with me growing up is probably groaning about now. I was horrid at the game. I don’t think I ever won a single game of it, and rarely did I get a bone out without buzzing the edges.

However, I’m now a mom, and moms have super powers after all. I laid Little Miss down on the surgical operating table (my couch) and told her to stay still. I told her this might hurt but that I’d try to be gentle and that it would be easier for both of us if she wouldn’t move. Fortunately, this is also the girl who sits perfectly still when getting a flu shot in her thigh.

I took a deep breath and started the procedure. The first try I slipped and pushed it back a bit more. Whoops. Now the ER was looking more likely. I tried again, and this time I was able to grasp it. It slipped off the tweezers before I got it out, but the third try’s the charm! Goji berry removed!

I held the Goji berry out to show Little Miss.

Me: Do you see what was in your nose?
Little Miss: Yes.
Me: Do you know now not to ever … EWWWW!

Little Miss had chosen that moment to grab the Goji berry from my unsuspecting hand and popped it in her mouth. Apparently she was just marinating it. Once I stopped gagging, I was able to finish my lecture. Both kids have promised to never put anything inside their noses again. Here’s hoping they keep that promise, because I do not want to do that again.

And the kicker? Little Miss was so proud, she couldn’t wait to tell everyone at preschool about the Goji berry she stuck up her nose. Oh yeah, and how she was never going to do that again. The only response I could give was to shrug and explain what a Goji berry was. That didn’t really help the odd looks, but I can’t have been the only mom with a child sticking something up her nose!