Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Difference Between Men And Women

Don't forget! I have two different $200 gift card giveaways going on yet
here and here. Go. Play. Win.


Decorating for Christmas:

Women plan for the decorations. We determine when we'll have time to put up what decorations, and for that matter, what decorations we're planning this year. We'll wait to get it out and ready until we know we have a block of open time to do so.

Men are reminded that it's Christmas time when they see the stockings that the woman has gotten out of storage (the only item that had the time to go up, as it's quick and easy). He goes into the basement and starts lugging out all random Christmas boxes and depositing them in the children's playroom so that the woman "will have some motivation to get things decorated."

Removing items from storage:

Women very carefully place the somewhat fragile decorations from another holiday in an area where they are not likely to be disturbed. When removing other items from the storage area, women are careful to avoid disturbing other items in the storage area to minimize breakage.

Men see big boxes. Men get big boxes. Men go fast. Men drop things.

Accidentally breaking items:

If a woman accidentally breaks an item, she first inspects it to determine whether or not the item is fixable. If it is fixable, she immediately adds that to her to do list, at or near the top of said list. She picks up all the pieces and ensures that the area where the breakage occurs is once again clean. If the item happens to belong to someone else, the woman will tell that person, apologize and offer to either fix it or replace it.

Men break things. Regularly. They pick the item up without looking at it and put it back where - or somewhat close to where - they think they found it. They pick up the big pieces and throw them away. Men leave the little pieces on the ground -- because the cleaning ladies will vacuum it eventually -- so that the woman can come downstairs with her hands full and fear that somehow there has been a mouse infestation or something equally disastrous. Men don't mention the broken item to anyone unless pressed on the suspected mouse droppings in the basement.

Sometimes I wonder... and sometimes I just try not to be bitter. Guess which day today is!


Roxane December 17, 2009 at 10:52 AM  

Ugh I wonder how their brains can function the way they do sometimes. They are just like aliens LOL

Unknown December 17, 2009 at 11:19 AM  

What are you married to my husband?? No? Well then they are like this the world around, it must come with the penis attachment. I live with 4 of them. Yes Imagine your pain X 4 then you get my life. The old drop things where you are done with them act. The crush and don't tell policy. The eat the cupboards bare routine are in effect all the time. **sigh**

Unknown December 17, 2009 at 11:21 AM  

oh and I don't have to guess which day you are having because being a woman I am intuitive enough to see which one it is unlike men who need things spelled out in plain bold type preferably double spaced.

Tami December 17, 2009 at 5:41 PM  

My husband still hasn't taken the out door lights out of the garage to hang them up.

Anonymous December 17, 2009 at 6:19 PM  

Too funny - and true. The problem around here is hubby getting absolutely everything out, spending 20+ hours decorating the outside of the house, and waiting for everything inside to magically appear in its intended spot. Apparently that extra appendage diverts a lot of blood away from more important organs - namely that one inside their skull.

Unknown December 17, 2009 at 7:30 PM  

Yay! It's time to put your tree up day!

Claudya Martinez December 17, 2009 at 9:33 PM  

My man breaks things all the time, but he only breaks my things. He never breaks his own things. Hmmm.

septembermom December 18, 2009 at 8:18 AM  

My husband doesn't hide the items that he breaks. Somehow it always seems to be fault or the kids. Never him :) Suspicious...

Unknown December 18, 2009 at 4:26 PM  

hehehe...this is funny! :) Thankfully, the men in my house don't often think or behave this way!

WeaselMomma December 18, 2009 at 4:48 PM  

Amen Sista!

Rick December 18, 2009 at 11:52 PM  

What can I say? Guilty. :-)

Anonymous December 19, 2009 at 12:31 PM  

That is so funny. Then, when you are all frazzled and feeling about to scream, they ask: "When's dinner?"

Nancy/BLissed-Out Grandma December 19, 2009 at 5:39 PM  

My husband is not this way -- really! -- but I sure recognize the men I work with and a few to whom I'm related. Pick it up and put it back without looking -- oh, yeah, that's them.

Michelle December 20, 2009 at 8:05 PM  

Roxane - Oh, I'm with ya :)

Laura - I certainly hope not. That would be quite awkward if we had the same husband, no?

t.t. millers - Yeah... but at least he didn't take them out and toss them somewhere to moulder and get ruined while he didn't put them up?

Nichole - What, there's no "poof" fairy in your house that magically gets everything done?

Megryansmom - You mean today (the 20th)? Technically yes, but decorating is tomorrow since we have to let it thaw first.

Unknown Mami - That sounds familiar. They wouldn't be more careful with their own things, would they?

Kelly - VERY suspicious. Unless he's perfect. Nahhhhh!

Meanbean - Oh you're lucky! Count your blessings.

WeaselMomma - I figured you'd be with me on this one.

Rick - Ooo, honesty. I like it. Thank you, Rick.

heatherinsf - If by ask you mean call me when I'm at work and will be for the conceivable future and they're home, then yes, they ask when dinner will be ready (or what I'm going to be cooking for dinner) ;)

Blissed Out Grandma - Again, be grateful. Maybe it's just the training over time? I need some hope here!

Jeff and Charli Lee December 20, 2009 at 9:31 PM  

*Ducking in and out quickly so as not to get lynched by the overabundance of women in these comments*

The only reason there are so many things for men to break is because women buy them all in the first place. Bye.

Angela December 23, 2009 at 5:05 PM  

You're not bitter, just realistic. I've got one of those men too. My final solution to this problem was to buy about ten of those clear, plastic "rubbermaid" containers that are about the size of a laundry basket (only with fully enclosed sides and a removable top). Now, each season's decorations are housed in these containers. The best part, aside from being able to see what's inside (and, at least if one is looking, note its fragility or lack thereof) is that the whole container is shatterproof. Not so much on the contents, necessarily, but at least when my husband knocks the whole thing off the shelf, any broken pieces are safely contained ;-) I do love the containers. He griped and moaned and groaned at their cost, but honestly they are one of the best investments I ever made.

Michelle December 27, 2009 at 9:46 PM  

Jeff - Yeah... smart to duck in and out :) I'll let you go with that one.

Angela - It's funny you say that, as my intention after seeing the issue was to get bins for each holiday (Christmas already has three bins). I'm just waiting for them to go on sale, and then I'll be using that Target gift card I just discovered today!

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