Thursday, December 18, 2008

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I know you're getting a ton of letters this time of year, and I'm pretty sure a lot of them are going to be coming from mommies. I'm hoping you have room for one more.

Really, I have a very small request. I'm not asking for jewelry or for personal servants or for anything luxurious even. All I want for Christmas is a good night's sleep. Ok, so maybe that's not such a small request.

Let me explain, Santa. I try. I really do. I lay down in my bed a good nine to ten hours before my alarm is going to go off. That should be plenty of sleep, right? People only need about eight hours, or so I've read. So long as I still remember how to do math, eight is less than both nine and ten. I should be set.

Let's take last night as an example though.

My husband went to bed before I did unfortunately. I could hear him snoring from downstairs, which isn't a good sign. When I turned off my light after reading an article in a magazine, I poked him so he rolled over onto his side instead of his back. And continued snoring. It took awhile for my to fall asleep. Santa, maybe you could help my husband stop snoring while you're at it?

I finally fell asleep, and Mister Man walked in around 11:30. He was crying because his side hurt. I rubbed it sleepily and asked if that felt better. He told me it didn't, so I suggested going potty or taking a drink to see if that helped. He walked into the bathroom and did both. Then he came back to tell me he still hurt. We finally discovered that wearing two pairs of underwear was causing the pain, so he removed one of them and trotted off to bed. I had to deal with the snoring again. Common sense for Mister Man, Santa? A larger bladder? I'm willing to work with you here.

Around 2:30, I was awakened by the snoring again. From a deep and sound sleep. I swear it was vibrating the bed. Needless to say, it took me awhile to fall back asleep after being so rudely pulled from my peaceful slumber. We're back to my husband and the snoring thing again, Santa. Any suggestions?

At 3:26, Little Miss started crying. My husband wasn't moving, so I hopped out of bed to find out what the problem was. She needed a hug from Mommy. I'm guessing it was a bad dream, as she went straight back to sleep. Me, not so much. How about helping Little Miss sleep through the night? Or maybe wave your magic wand and have my husband wake up quicker?

Around 4:30, I was again awakened by the snoring. This time a quick elbow to the ribs silenced it long enough for me to fall asleep. Eventually. Ok, we really need to address this snoring thing, Santa. Seriously.

I heard Mister Man head to the bathroom again -- must have been that late night drink -- around 5:20. Apparently I wasn't so soundly asleep after that last snor-wakening. Yep, a larger bladder is the solution for Mister Man. He didn't even come into our room to announce that he had to go potty. I just heard him pattering down the hall et al.

After that, I was pretty much sunk. I laid awake, counting down from 200 in the hopes that I could fall back asleep. I know you're aware that this is my personal insomnia solver. It would have worked, I think. I was down in the sixties when my husband's alarm went off. He snoozed it, the meanie. It went off again nine minutes louder. Maybe you could bring him an alarm that just reaches out and pokes him. Quietly.

I laid awake and listened to him shower. When he turned the light in the closet on and left the door open so he could find his socks and such, I sighed and tried to roll over. Light is not exactly conducive to sleep for me. Ok, Santa, I know asking for a house that's large enough that the closet is a giant his/hers set next to the bathroom with the door to the hallway where the closets are, but I think that's the solution. See, a good night's sleep is so simple next to this!

By the time I heard the garage door closing, it was beyond hope. I was exhausted, but I knew sleep wasn't coming back to me. I gave up and hauled myself into the shower to start the day about forty-five minutes early.

On the plus side, Santa, I did have one of my most productive days ever. I got so much stuff done. Maybe this whole sleep thing is overrated.

Nope, sorry. I need my sleep. Santa, please, this is the only thing I'm asking for. Take pity on a mom with bags below the bags on her eyes. I promise I'll be a better mom this year if I get more sleep. Just one good night. Pretty please?


PS I promise I'm making extra yummy cookies for you this year. Not that I'd try to bribe you or anything. That would put me squarely on the naughty list, I know.


Melisa Wells December 18, 2008 at 8:10 AM  

I LOVE this post, Michelle. It's so cute (not that sleep issues are "cute", but you know what I mean) and well-written. You succeeded in entertaining me while I also felt really badly for you. :)

P.S. I HATEHATEHATE when the alarm goes off (it has to be on *my side* of the bed, BTW, because otherwise hubs turns it off in his sleep) and then hubs says, "Can you reset that? Just give me 15 more minutes".


Hope Santa doesn't disappoint!

MaBunny December 18, 2008 at 9:30 AM  

Oh sister, I empathize with you!
My husband doesn't snore - much - instead he taps his foot to some music in his dreamy head, therefore shaking the bed rhythmically and waking me up.
This is VERY annoying, lol.
I hope Santa answers your requests, it really isn't too much to ask for.

B December 18, 2008 at 9:55 AM  

Came over from Mama's Losin' It.

Cute post. I hope Santa stuffs your stocking full of sleep filled nights.

Jenners December 18, 2008 at 10:11 AM  

Visiting from MamaKat's writers workshop posts...

You captured the horror of sleepless nights so perfectly and cutely and funnily but I know it isn't a joke. I only have one kid and sometimes I just sleep in his room because he doesn't get up as often if I'm in there so we all get a better night's sleep. Perhaps you need your own bedroom? Sleeping with the husband is totally overrated anyway ... and he seems to be the main problem!

Mom December 18, 2008 at 11:15 AM  

Yo Santa, can you hook me up with some sleep too?

AutoSysGene December 18, 2008 at 11:38 AM  

I think Santa needs to bring you some ear plugs...and your hubby some breathe right strips...and the bigger bladder for MM sounds like just the ticket.

I hope you manage to get some rest tonight.

J Cosmo Newbery December 18, 2008 at 6:21 PM  

Perhaps YOU should have the warm milk and cookies!

Jen December 18, 2008 at 7:07 PM  

Oh I know nights like that. I would wish for a good night's sleep too. I don't know if I even remember what thats like.

Michelle December 18, 2008 at 8:17 PM  

Melissa - I'll let you know how Santa does. And your comment? Was that a back-handed compliment there?...

MaBunny - Oooo, I think you need to ask for a Sleep Number bed ;) That foot tapping would drive me BATTY! I feel for ya!

B - Welcome! And thanks - although sadly I'm getting greedy and want more than just a stocking full....

Jenners - My husband and I actually joke that we're going to get twin beds/our own bedrooms. But nahhhhh.... I hope your son's bed is a comfy one!

Steph - I'll add you to the request list, too! Good luck.

Melissa - I thought about earplugs actually. My wish for me I guess is still selfishly for me but involves everyone in my family, right?

J Cosmo Newbery - Oooo, now *that's* a good idea! I like it. Can I get them served to me in bed?

Jen - You're exactly right. The only way I remember what it's like is by -- and I'm ashamed to admit it -- dreaming about full nights of sleep. How wrong is that?

MaNiC MoMMy™ December 18, 2008 at 10:56 PM  

I would be kicking Mr. Manic in his kidneys all night long or making him sleep on the couch! He does snore too, but usually I make him roll over and shove a pillow in his mouth.
That shuts him up.

The kid thing. that's just hard. AJers had night terrors until he was five. Man, THEY SUCK! ROYALLY!

I am now afraid to go to bed tonight.

Hope you get sleep soon! Santa Baby, bring Michelle sleep!

Kellan December 18, 2008 at 11:30 PM  

My husband snores constantly and toooooo loud too - ugh!! I've considered separate beds - then I remember how much I still like him, but ...

This was a great post - thanks!

Take care - Kellan

J Cosmo Newbery December 19, 2008 at 3:10 AM  

I hope you have a very merry Christmas, that Santa brings you everything you deserve and that it doesn’t take too long to work off the effects of Christmas dinner.

Thank you for being part of what has been a fascinating year for me.

Unknown December 19, 2008 at 7:07 PM  

My husband used to snore, he has sleep apnea, now he has a cpap machine, life is good.

Michelle December 19, 2008 at 11:04 PM  

Manic - Glad I'm not alone in the kicking. My husband thinks I overreact. I may try the shoving a pillow in the mouth trick :)

Kellan - It's tempting, isn't it? And yet here I sit at 11pm. I'm on my way to bed now, I swear!

J Cosmo Newbery - Awww, that's so sweet! Although everything I deserve could definitely be taken either way ;) Let's hope I made the nice list!

Megryansmom - Long time no see! The cpap is not happening. He doesn't actually stop breathing, so no apnea, but knowing me... that machine would keep me up worse than the snoring!

Anonymous December 20, 2008 at 6:04 AM  

Just when I feel myself falling my soon to be 4 year old comes in with something. A half hour later when I feel sleep coming to me, my baby wakes. After, two more hours awake, my husband gets up for work too. It is a mom thing. No sleep when you would pay for it.
I pray for sleep, for all of us!!!

Anonymous December 21, 2008 at 10:53 AM  

Perhaps not the BEST solution, but we're enduring similar issues in my house (though our frequently-snoring, frequently waking little baby is TWENTY FOUR YEARS OLD) and I just scored a room in a 4 star hotel for a one-night Christmas present on priceline for $55. Which seems like a small price to pay for a full night's sleep. =)

Michelle December 21, 2008 at 8:41 PM  

ElfTea - Ooo, it sounds like you have it even worse than me! Bummer, but here's hoping Santa brings you something nice to compensate.

pseudostoops - Oooo, I *like* this one. PS Santa, go talk to pseudostoops cuz she's got a great idea!

angela | the painted house December 21, 2008 at 11:03 PM  

Oh, I feel for you! I think it is just adorable that my children have to come wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me they have to pee. THEN JUST GO PEE!

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