I Miss Football

I just struggled through my first weekend since August without football. This year, we don't even have the AFL to get us through (ok ME through) to the draft. Fortunately, I'm a bit behind in my reading, so I was able to catch up on my ESPN, which wasn't the worst replacement in the world.

By the way, what's wrong with me that my SIL's gift of ESPN is so much better than the Southern Living she gave me last year? Good thing my husband helped her choose the magazine this year!

Anyway, ESPN focused on the fan in this issue, and there were some highly entertaining tidbits. I think the poll was my favorite. Examples:

65% of people think God doesn't affect the outcome of sporting events. 15% think He does. Umm, doing my math there, that's 20% of people who can't make up their minds. Really, is it that hard to figure out?

Only 26% of people polled believe the FedEx Cup has a reason to exist (it's the championship in NASCAR). 47% believe it doesn't. And more telling, 27% have no idea what the FedEx Cup is. I don't think I really need to add any commentary there. The whole piece cracks me up.

My personal favorite though was the listing of what percent of people have done various things at a colllege or pro sporting event.

74% have sneaked into a better seat. Really? That's it? C'mon, admit it, people. It's ok. And if you haven't, you really need to learn to. Or you need to quit going to Cubs and Yankees games.

63% have yelled obscenities. And apparently all 63% have sat near me at one venue or another. Sometimes all at once, I think!

31% have caught a ball or puck. Yeah. I believe that one. Much like Clinton had to redefine "is" I think some people taking this poll have redefined "caught."

30% have lied to an acquaintance in order to attend. Huh? I think I would have said no to this one just because I don't get it. Am I missing something here? Why lie? Are you trying to get out of other plans or trying to make sure you're invited?

24% threatened injury to someone. And that someone doesn't sound like it's the players or refs, given the far higher percentages there with the heckling, et al. Just keep this percent in mind.

7% have been thrown out of a game. What I'm getting from this is that threatening people isn't enough to get thrown, considering how many people are tossed for other reasons.

4% have punched someone at a game. Again, people are talking a good game, but only one in six actually follow through on their threats. And I'm guessing that these folks make up a pretty good portion of the 7% getting tossed. At least a certainly hope so.

7% have had sex at a sporting event. Seriously? How? Where? When? And since 4% + 7% < 7%, most of these people are obviously not getting caught. Orrrrrr people just want to pretend like they're cooler than what they are. And are you really a sports fan if you sneak away from the action for a quickie? Just sayin....

Of all these things, I've sneaked into a better seat, caught a puck, and painted my face. That's out of fourteen possible items, including those listed above.

Now I feel like I need to play a big game of "I Never" with all of you.... Have you stolen merchandise from a shop? Used a racial slur against a player or fan? Cheered an opposing player's injury? Heckled a ref or ump? Snuck in without paying?

How many more weeks until spring training?