Sunday, September 21, 2008

Why I Read The Paper

We get the local daily paper, and my goal every day is to finish off the sections I read (in order -- I'm anal and I'm OK with that). Today's paper particularly entertained me, although it also had me a little concerned about the world.

Case 1: Blagojevich on Rezko

"...maybe they didn't even know they crossed those lines."
Four paragraphs later.

"Nothing I ever did ever crossed the line."
Soooo if people may not know they crossed the line, how does he know he never crossed the line? What a conundrum. I won't express my personal opinion of him and his actions.

Case 2: Anti-abortion on Planned Parenthood

More than 50 anti-abortion leaders from across the country have joined up to plot the demise of Planned Parenthood clinics across the nation....
My high school journalism teacher would never have let this go. Nice slanted language; I wonder how the author feels about abortion.

... Scheidler (League spokesman) said the group will also work harder to educate the black community about other options available to them.
I'm totally cool with this. Options are good. Education is good. People shouldn't feel trapped into making a decision because it's the most convenient or what others tell them is OK or that they should do. This is a good initiative.

(Next paragraph) "African-Americans have far more abortions than any other group," he said.
Really? No stats to back that up, but I can see that being true. I'll go with you here.

"But that's because Planned Parenthood targets them so much more than the rest of the population."
Uhhh, what? Please, describe how this is the case. Apparently Planned Parenthood is also racist, which is news to me. Of course the only two Planned Parenthood clinics I know of are a) on the Gold Coast of Chicago which is a pretty well to do area -- I rented an apartment across the street from where they opened up the Planned Parenthood clinic. Walking to work right after the clinic opened and having to wade through protesters was fun, let me tell you! and b) in Aurora which is again a pretty white and middle class/upper middle class area from what I know of it -- and from what I've read, the protests there were pretty horrific, too. And the most recent plans I've read about for Planned Parenthood has them talking about opening up clinics in malls because that's where they can attract those with health insurance who don't want to report it (not that I think this is necessarily a good idea, mind you). Please explain to me how this is targeting the African-American community. And where this inflammatory rhetoric got its start.

Case 3: Dumb Lawyer

A northern Illinois attorney has been suspended for accepting nude dances as partial payment for a client's legal fees. ... The commission said that Erwin and the woman, who'd worked as an exotic dancer, mutually agreed that she'd perform nude dances for him in his office to reduce her legal fees. The report said the DeKalb attorney credited her for $534.
Seriously? A lawyer thought this was a good idea? Or appropriate? My husband's comment is that it must be like (and please excuse me, as I've never watched Seinfeld) when George had sex with his secretary on his desk at work and pleaded ignorance saying he'd never have done it if only someone had told him it wasn't allowed. And just a random question, how did he figure out that the bartered reduction would be $534? Not being an expert in exotic dancing, I'd sort of assume that the dances would be in round figures.

Case 4: A historic house in Plano flooded last weekend

"It's very definitely our worst nightmare, but it could have been a lot worse without a doubt," said Justin Lyons of Landmarks Illinois, the Chicago-based advocacy group that manages the house for the owner....
Your very worst nightmare but it could have been a lot worse? Please explain that one for me. Either your imagination needs some improvement or your command of the English language does. I'm placing my bets on the latter.

And the entertainment continues. The good news is that today's paper only had two stories that cut off in the middle of the sentence at the "end" of the story. And you wonder why the printed newspaper is going the way of buggy whip makers. And yet, we haven't canceled our paper. Yet.

6 comments:

Melisa September 21, 2008 at 11:03 AM  

The $534 calculation cracked me up. I could see $500 or $550, but I wonder what it was that she did that made that $34 necessary. :)

Karen September 21, 2008 at 2:12 PM  

I just love reading those things. It cracks me up what people come up with.

Michelle September 21, 2008 at 9:16 PM  

Melisa - That's exactly what I was trying to figure out. I was wondering if he a) was anal enough to calculate the net margin of the cost of her services or b) he was tipping her and gave her a very small tip ($34 on the $500 services). Either way, bizzare!

Karen - Ummm, yeah. Exactly. I really do wonder what people are thinking sometimes. Then I realize that oh yeah, they WEREN'T thinking and that's the problem.

Angie's Spot September 22, 2008 at 2:23 PM  

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who a) has to read the paper in a specific order otherwise my head will explode and b) heavily critiques the writing errors of the reporters. :-)

angela | the painted house September 24, 2008 at 12:13 PM  

Case #4 is "very definitely" my favorite of them all.

Do you think I could dance naked for my organic groceries?

Michelle September 25, 2008 at 9:45 PM  

Angie - Nope, I'm right there with you. My husband doesn't get it and NEVER puts the paper back the right way (he tries though), and I have to resort it each day. Fortunately I can do it with my eyes closed now ;)

Angela - I know. Isn't that hilarious? It might take a bit more than $534 for your groceries though....

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