An Open Letter To The Ladies Of My Office

Dear Ladies,

I really hope that I can call you ladies. I sometimes wonder, but we'll start optimistically. I have just a couple of really small requests, and I sincerely hope that you'll take them under advisement.

We are, after all, professional women who share an office. We know most of the women on our floor by sight if not by name. I hope that we can treat each other with the respect that we all deserve.

When we use the restroom, please note that we have toilet cover seats that the lovely paper company Weyerhauer has made. Two hundred fifty of them, in fact, according to the language on the box. I've yet to walk into a stall and find the dispenser empty. If you really are freaked out by the germs that you'll pick up while sitting on the toilet seat that is cleaned at least once every two hours and used only by other ladies in the office, please consider using one of these toilet seat covers rather than crouching over the toilet and peeing all over the seat and, I'm sure, yourself.

Personally, I find it disgusting to walk into a stall and find the seat covered in random droplets of someone else's urine. I then have to use toilet paper to clean off the toilet seat before I can use it, as it doesn't matter which stall I choose, they all are urine dropped. If we all sit down, either with or without a toilet seat cover, none of us will have to worry about either urine or yucky germs, right?

And please, when you finish using the toilet, I can see when you flush and then walk straight out the bathroom without washing your hands. EWWW! Seriously, just eww! Can't you at least fake it if you really have that much of an issue with washing? Actually, no, I want you to really wash. You're then touching things that I have to touch, from elevator buttons to desks in conference rooms and everything in between. Tell me we don't have to review why this is important.

Plus, you ladies who fake washing your hands by putting them under water for 0.000005 seconds and then dry them off without using any soap, come on. I appreciate that you're at least starting to make an effort, but can we please use soap? Germs, people! I've already got two wee ones sick since the start of the school year, and I can't afford to get sick myself (FYI, that tickle went away; I give full credit to yoga, as it seems to kick out the germs and keep me healthy every time).

I will admit that I am truly impressed by the women who brush their teeth in the bathroom. I will admit that I am just not that dedicated to my oral hygeine. Putting a toothbrush into a work drawer in my desk just absolutely grosses me out more than slightly funky teeth. However, if you do choose to brush your teeth, at least have the courtesy of rinsing out the sink. Just like I don't like to see toothpaste scum at home, it's disrespectful to leave it behind for the rest of us. Especially the few of you who miss the bowl when spitting and instead leave it all over the sink counter.

Oh, and lady on her cell phone while in a bathroom stall (I assume) using the facilities? If I were on the other end of the conversation and could hear the periodic flushings of the toilet and God knows what else, I'd be grossed out. That's just rude to do to people. Is your conversation really so important that it can't wait until another time or more appropriate place? I really don't want to hear the details about what happened the last time you got a manicure or how you smeared the polish getting into your car. I really don't care, and I don't want to hear about it when I'm using the restroom.

Lastly, ladies at the health club, don't think I'm forgetting about you. Seriously, whoever taught you that it was acceptable to remove a (necessary) tampon and throw it onto the floor of the shower in the locker room, they were wrong. You are horribly mistaken, and this is simply not acceptable. Ditto with placing used gum on the shampoo shelf. I'm assuming that either you're the same lady or that you know each other, as I discovered both in the same stall when I went running last time. Seriously, that's disgusting, and I don't know how you ever thought that this was a good idea. Just don't do it again.

Thank you for your attention.

Sincerely,
Michelle