BlogHer Book Club Review: Why Women Need Fat

It's the new year, and everyone's making resolutions, including many about losing weight or getting more fit. There are tons of diet and exercise books out there, some that I find downright scary and others that fascinate me. Why Women Need Fat: How "Healthy" Food Makes Us Gain Excess Weight and the Surprising Solution to Losing It Forever by William D. Lassek, M.D. and Steven J.C. Gaulin, Ph.D. falls into the fascinating category.

I am someone who believes in real food. We don't eat high fructose corn syrup around here, and I do my best to minimize processed foods. Tonight's dinner, for example was honey glazed chicken served over cous cous. It had six total ingredients, the most processed being soy sauce. When I cook, I'd much rather taste my food and have it be what I consider to be real food, which means that I'm not eating Splenda or margarine either. After reading this, I'm grateful for some of the formative years I spent in Europe that perhaps led me to eat this way (shhh, most of the time!).

The BlogHer Book Club book Why Women Need Fat validates this approach for me. That isn't to say that I'm anywhere near the weight I'd like to be or that I'm perfect, but it discusses intelligently why it is that we need to eat the real foods and why substituting low fat foods is counteracting the very thing we're trying to do. That and it talks about how we need to figure out what our weight should be and not just dream of a completely unreasonable six foot, eighty-five pound frame that fits dreamily into a size zero dress.

The first two sections of the book run to the statistical and are fairly evidence based. As someone who is somewhat of a stats and analytical geek, this appealed to me, and I really enjoyed reading some of the hows and whys behind the findings. It was right up my alley, but I know that isn't the case for everyone. The third section was the one that I'm guessing most people will gravitate to, as it's the one that talks about what we need to think about without laying down the law of each six cups of this, four cups of that and so on. It focuses on us educating ourselves and taking charge of our lives and being realistic about doing so.

So no, we can't and won't all be thin. Not all our bodies can be that way, but that's ok. We still need to take care of the bodies we have, and it's critical that we eat real food instead of the chemically altered ingredients designed to resemble food. What do you think about what and how Americans eat? Join in the BlogHer Book Club discussion.

In the interest of full disclosure, I am participating in the BlogHer Book Club, which is a compensated review program. I also received a copy of book to facilitate the review. As always, the opinions expressed remain my own.

Happy New Year: The Year Of Me!

Ok, so a New Year's post should be written by New Year's Day, right? Well, mine isn't. And considering that organization of many aspects of my life is a big part of my goals for the next year, this isn't getting off to a good start, is it? Well, I have a good excuse. I've been down and out with migraines essentially since Wednesday night which have laid me up in my bedroom, dark and quiet (yes, I used earplugs when the wee ones were awake) with no food or movement. It was not pleasant and it's not like I even tied one on Saturday night since I'd already been down three days by then. Needless to say, any computer time was extremely limited - saved for the moments when the pain and nausea had receded somewhat and my boredom had overwhelmed me. Knock on wood, I've finally kicked it, so I'm pretending like today is New Year's Day. Work with me, will ya?

In 2012, I want to focus on making this the year of me in order to be able to be a better person, not just for myself but for everyone around me.

That sounds really bad, doesn't it? "The Year of Me" - but at the same time, it's something that not only I need to do, but most people I know need to do. My friends tend to spend all their time and energy focused on others, whether it's their spouses or children or volunteering or jobs or anything but them. I can only imagine what it will be like to get to forty or fifty years from now (if I live that long, at this rate) and find that I am miserable because I forgot to take care of myself in the interim and my health and sanity are zilch. Taking care of me doesn't mean ignoring everyone around me and their needs; on the contrary, taking care of people and accomplishing things are part of what makes me happy and is part of what I plan to continue doing. The difference is in not putting myself always last and in doing the little things for me that don't take away from others.

So what do I have on tap for me?

Flattering picture, isn't it? Yeah, there's a blog post coming about that.

A big one is getting organized, unfortunately. I warn people when they come to my house that they aren't allowed to open their eyes in my office. It's become my catch all spot, and it is full of unfiled (but paid) bills, photos, and tons more. By the time the wee ones gets out of school, I want that room the way I want it. That means I vow to take ten minutes a day to do something in the room, whether that's entering the unfiled bill information into my spreadsheet (yes, I track everything we spend by category to the penny - or did!) and putting it away or sorting out the items in there that are donations or going through the papers I no longer need and tossing them. Ten minutes isn't a huge amount of time, and when would I not have just ten minutes to spare? Assuming I complete this on time, the next area to tackle is the outgrown clothing from the wee ones. And the basement that has too many toys, including enough to make a garage sale worthwhile. First up is the office, however.

I also want to get more organized with my blog. This goal comes in a few parts. I am ready to move to a self-hosted blog. I need to find someone to work with who can help me move to WordPress, get a theme set up and plug-ins working, move over my current posts, and get me set up on my own host. So, hey, if you have any recommendations of who's great to work with, let me know. Did I mention that I want this up before Blissdom in February, which means I need to get moving on this now?

The second blog related thing for me is to set up a calendar for my posts. That doesn't mean I'll post every day - right there is a recipe for burnout and stress, which is definitely not taking care of me. It means that I'll look at what I have going on and figure out what I want to post when, which will help me stick to it. I love being organized, and this is something that makes me happy. Besides, do you know how many posts I have in my head that I forget to write because I never put them on a calendar? Trust me, we have a few Christmas related posts that will be coming yet. This week. Tomorrow after I get home from the dentist and gym, I will start writing out the calendar, and let's keep our fingers crossed that I stick to it.

Ah, yes, the gym. I've been good about going since mid-November or so, but this is something I need to keep doing. I've had several days where I've had "better things to do" or just didn't feel like going to the gym. As I remind myself every time I leave, however, I always feel better on my way out the door, no matter how I felt walking in. I don't have to kill myself every time, but I need to at least go and do something. I've been essentially lying in bed since Wednesday night with migraines, but tomorrow I'm going. I doubt I'll be able to do much since I have been able to eat almost nothing, so no two mile runs or anything fun like that, but ... I'll go and see what I can do.

And on the health front, ummm, I take care of the wee ones, but me? I need to do better. The easy one will be getting back to drinking more water. I carry a 40 ounce water bottle with me everywhere I go. I used to drink two to three of them a day, no problem. I'm not sure why, but now I can go a day drinking only half of one. There's no good reason for it, and there are days when I drink my normal amount of water, but this needs to be a regular occurrence. And yes, I did go fill up my water bottle already while writing this post. And just took a sip. Or four.

The harder health area will be getting my fruits and veggies in. You should see the food I have the wee ones eat. Their lunches always have a fruit and vegetable, and their snacks have either a fruit or veggie. And I usually give them carrots or something at dinner, as well. Me? Not so much. Oddly, I love fruit. And I actually enjoy eating most vegetables, but I just ... don't. I didn't grow up in a house where there was a vegetable on the plate every dinner, and I have yet to get into that habit. I'm focusing on changing that. Today I made an awesome avocado salad (with beans and tomatoes and corn, too), which is what I ate for lunch. And my snack is a cutie. But that's nowhere near the servings I'm supposed to be eating, is it? This will mean going to the produce markets I like more often and doing a better job of meal planning. Perhaps I should start a meal calendar in addition to the blog calendar, huh?

Looking at it, that really isn't all that huge to make this year about me, is it? The biggest thing is going to be staying focused on it and carving out the time to do what I say I'm going to do in my head. I have a feeling my portable white board is going to start getting a lot of use again, and I'm good with that. After all a healthy and organized me means and unstressed (ok, less stressed) me, and that's good for everyone around me.

So what are you focused on this coming year? How are you going to make this the year of you? Come share your resolutions with Trop50 on their Trop50 True Resolutions Facebook page.

In the interest of full disclosure, I received a $25 gift card for participating in the Trop50 True Resolutions campaign. That said, all opinions remain - as always - my own.

It's All Coming To A Head

I've been on a leave from work for almost nine weeks now - since March 1. It doesn't seem like it's been nine weeks, but May 17, I am scheduled to report back to work.

This has been my big change to experience, in a safe way, how I would do staying at home with the wee ones - and how they'd do with me at home. I had tried this route before three years ago and failed miserably.

A lot of that failure had to do with the fact that I had gone from 500mph to zero, with a toddler and infant (who was very mobile) who couldn't be left alone long enough for me to go to the bathroom. We had just moved, and I didn't know anyone nor did I have any activities for myself or the wee ones.

This time around, I've been working part time three days a week - and two of those from home. I am involved in the wee ones' schools, in my church, in neighborhood organizations and more. I have a routine for myself and for the wee ones. Theoretically, staying at home should be easier.

My grand images of having tons of time to tackle my miles long to do list? Shattered.

That doesn't mean that I've gotten nothing done, however. I've been a regular at the gym. I've managed the preschool fundraiser that will be complete this coming Wednesday. I've started the process of remodeling our master bathroom. I've cooked a lot more (which I enjoy). Oddly, I'm home less than what I was when I was working, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Staying home means giving up a huge portion of my family's income, as well as the good insurance from my job (he's a teacher - even working part time, I out earn him). I won't be able to get a position like what I have again, especially in this economy. I have a career that I'd essentially be throwing away, and for the most part, it's been on that I've really enjoyed.

But then I read a book by a working mom who talks about the balance she has in her life and keeping sane. She looks at her life with a great deal of humor, and it works for her. Some of the quotes really stuck with me, however.

Ravage of Time: The damage you inflict on those around you when you find yourself with too much to do and not enough time to get it all done. It's no accident that I rarely yell at my kids or snap at my husband unless I am late or overwhelmed by a to-do list that seems to have no end.

And it hit me. This is what I do. When I'm less stressed by deadlines and things I can't control, I'm more in control and calm. With my wee ones - especially Mister Man - being in control and calm is critical to having a productive day. And working - even part time (or maybe because it's part time?) - is stressful. I'm never fully home or fully working. Because I have a foot in both worlds, both worlds expect my all. And I can't give 110% to two different places. I'm lucky when I'm giving 80% to one!

I'm pretty sure now that I will be remaining a stay-at-home mom. It seems to be what's working better for my family. We're all happier these past two months, and happiness is what's most important, not who has the biggest bank account.

The trick for me now is to make sure in my head that I'm really sure this is the direction I want to take, since I won't be able to change my mind. And then I need to figure out how to tell my work that I won't be coming back. Do I tell them now? Do I offer to come in for one last day? What about all my work from home equipment? And at what point do I lose my health insurance and need to ensure I'm covered by my husband?

But most of all? I feel like a weight has been lifted. The confirmation that I'm seeking started coming through stronger and stronger the more of Kristin van Ogtrop's Just Let Me Lie Down I read. While being a 55 hour a week working mom with three boys is the path that she chose and the option that (no pun intended) works best for her, I shied away mentally from many of her anecdotes. That life was so unappealing to me now.

So let's see how I'm doing in another six months!

This post was inspired by the book Kristin van Ogtrop's "Just Let Me Lie Down" which I received from the SV Moms Group Book Club. There was no compensation nor review involved.

And So It Begins...

So do you remember back on ohhhh January 5 when I told you about how I had completed one of my goals for the new year? That would be almost exactly two months ago now.

Why don't you go grab something to drink and eat as I give you the update on my saga. We last left off when I had requested a leave of absence from my work - with a resignation letter typed up just in case - and my boss agreeing to a ninety day leave.

The next step was to figure out how. So I read the information on our intranet. While we have two kinds of leave - FMLA and personal leave - they don't differentiate well between the two, and there is no information about how to submit a personal leave.

January 5: I submitted a case to the online HR (it's all centralized now, whee!). I asked whether my situation qualified for FMLA or personal leave and, if personal leave, how I went about submitting it.

January 8: I called the 800 number for HR to inquire about my case, as it had been the three business day turnaround and I'd yet to hear a word. I was told that my case had been assigned to someone who would contact me with an answer. They couldn't help provide me with any info, nor could they give me an estimated turnaround time.

January 12: I received an email announcing that my case was closed and that to submit FMLA, I had to call an 800 number. Well, let's see. That a) repeated what was online word for word b) didn't answer the question of what I qualified for and c) skipped over the question on how to submit a personal leave. I immediately reopened it and requested an update on the specific questions I had.

January 15: I submitted a question to my online case (the only way I had to converse with HR on my case) asking for an update on the status.

January 21: I submitted another request for an update, since I'd yet to hear a word.

January 25: My case is once again marked closed. I am told that they cannot decide what is a personal v FMLA leave and that I should instead just apply for FMLA and see what happens. Seriously? Seriously, this is the solution you give me after almost three weeks of waiting?

January 26: I submit my FMLA claim and am told that paperwork will be processed and sent to me within 24 hours. I was to fill out my section of paperwork, then have my physician complete the remainder of it and return it. (The FMLA came about based on some of the behavior regression we're seeing with Mister Man - with me being at home and getting him into a more regular routine, the hope is that we can help stem this.)

February 1: The FMLA paperwork arrives in the mail. Again, it takes a week to mail something now? I fill out all the paperwork for my side and take it to the pediatrician - who of course is off until that Thursday.

February 4: The pediatrician calls me and asks about where we stand on some of the steps we'd talked about when I'd brought Mister Man in previously. As I was seeing a specialist on February 8, she requested that we hold off on turning in the paperwork until we heard from that person.

February 8: I waste four hours of my time at a doctor who doesn't want to see us. I'm highly irritated.

February 9: We have a massive snowstorm, and I leave work early. When I get home at 3, I try to connect to my work remotely, as I do every day. I can't connect. A call to the help desk later, we discover that I have mistakenly been put on leave and my access has been blocked. I ask my boss to submit a case to online HR (sound familiar?) reinstating me.

February 11: (Note, I am off work here and in Florida.) The pediatrician calls me to chat about our next steps and what I heard from the specialist. She agrees to fill out the paperwork and fax it in.

February 12: From Florida, I call the 800 number for the HR help to find out where my reinstatement is. Again, I am told that the case has been assigned to "someone" and that they will get back to me when they have a resolution. I explain the urgency and need that I am reinstated, to no avail.

February 15: I am still unable to log in from home, so I rearrange my childcare and go into the office. I finally get ahold of the person who is assigned to my case who is remarkably helpful and gets me reinstated immediately. He also actually answers all the questions I have on leaves from the previous closed case. I had given up on ever getting answers to those questions, but now I completely understand.

February 16: I get a call from the FMLA administrator saying that they have rejected the claim as the pediatrician neglected to fill out two sections of it. I contact the pediatrician's office, and I await another call from the pediatrician.

February 17: My boss and I decide that we are going to forget about the FMLA and just apply for a personal leave, now that I know how to do so from the conversation I had earlier this week with the helpful HR guy. We decide to wait until Thursday afternoon to apply for it starting three business days later.

February 18 4:45pm: I head to the pediatrician's office to pick up a copy of the paperwork that I remember the pediatrician said she was leaving for me. When I pick it up, the nurse notices that it isn't the same paperwork that is in the file. She makes a copy of the new paperwork for me. I notice that it has the two missing sections filled in and that it was faxed on the 15th.

February 18 5:15pm: I contact the benefits administrator (they were closed by the time I got home on the 19th) to see where my claim stands. They tell me that it was approved for a leave starting February 22. Ummm hold on a moment - so *I* have to call them to find out that it was approved. And it starts less than a business day later? I make arrangements to move the start date back a week so that I can transition some things at work. I cannot move the end date back a week and am hoping that my pediatrician will send in a note requesting the end date be changed. I then call my boss and let him know that the leave has finally been approved, and we don't have to go the route of personal leave (where my job is not protected).

February 25: I work my last official day (I'm off on Fridays). It feels really weird to be handing so many things over to different people and to say goodbye to those I enjoy working with. I also realize that it takes almost three hours to upload my critical files to a shared drive so they can be accessed while I am off. So much for signing off at 5pm or shortly thereafter.

I never imagined that this would be a two month saga. I never dreamed it would take two weeks to figure this out. Yikes!

March 1: This is tomorrow. This is my first official day of leave where I would be working and can instead settle into a new routine. So what am I going to do? Do I go get a massage? Change the oil in my car? Go grocery shopping? Clean up and organize the PTO room? Help stuff invitations for Mister Man's school event? Get a mani/pedi? Go to the gym and work out? The world is my oyster.

Orrrrr not. Nope, instead on Day One, I will be home with Little Miss, resident sickie.

Eleven weeks, four days to go. Wish me luck!

Goal 1? Accomplished!

Soooo I wrote last Saturday about my goals for the new year. One of the big ones was figuring out what I was going to do about work and just doing it instead of letting the inertia of time carry me along and complaining about it.

I finally made my decision yesterday. I had a plan of exactly what I wanted to do and knew why. In fact, I even wrote the resignation letter, prepared to present it to my boss.

After making my decision, I felt such a sense of peace. I could feel the worry sliding away. There's a book I'm reading where a character's partner describes his attitude towards work as, "I just don't care." It serves him well -- he does his job and does a good job at it, but all the icky things around the job that regularly drive us nuts? He just doesn't care anymore. I wish I could get to that point, but the fact is that I do care. I care way too much, which is why work/life balance is such a challenge for me.

But after making my decision? Calm. And I didn't care about the outcome. I knew I had backup, and I was fine with it. I had nothing to lose.

So today when I had my one on one meeting with my boss, I asked for a leave of absence to spend some time with the wee ones.

Surprisingly, my boss completely understood. When I said it would be at least two months, I could see him blanch a little bit, but he was game. I have an approved leave of absence, and I'm thrilled.

To be honest, I was surprised that it was as easy as it was. In fact, I had a trip to the chiropractor this afternoon because the right side of my neck tensed up so much that I currently (this is after the chiro) can't bend my head forward or to the right. I was expecting it to be more painful, and I detest creating scenes.

I'm not starting the leave immediately, and my boss is grateful that I'm staying to finish up a few critical projects. We still need to figure out the details of it - how do benefits work, what paperwork do we need to fill out, when will I be coming back, and the like.

That is actually going to be the biggest challenge.

My company has moved to a new model of HR where it's all online. Have a question? Search the HR FAQs. FAQs don't answer your question? Open up a case and tell them about it... so they can point you to the FAQs you already read.

But me? I don't care. I have my leave. I have my time, and I haven't made a commitment one way or the other.

For the next two to three months, I'll be able to practice being a stay at home mom, knowing that I have my job waiting in the wings if it doesn't work out. If I'm wrong and need the mental stimulation of the job, it's still there. If I discover that we can't survive only on my husband's salary, I can still regain mine. If I find that the wee ones do better when I'm not around, I can go back.

But right now, I'm not focused on that. I'm thinking about the time I can spend with the wee ones and the energy I can focus on Mister Man for the next couple of months.

Pass the bon-bons, would you?

Add Me To The Bandwagon

It's that time of year, and I've seen so many resolutions that people have offered up in the past week. Generally, I shy away from resolutions knowing that they tend to be quickly broken and so often forced - if you're to believe what you read from the "experts" every year around this time.

Last year, my resolution was simple: to do something just for myself once a day, no matter how small that thing was. It could be reading a chapter in a book or having a piece or chocolate or snoozing the alarm clock - whatever tickled my fancy. I didn't do horribly at this, but I definitely wasn't focused on it after awhile. It was too vague in some ways, although the intention was right.

This year, I've spent a lot of time figuring out that really what matters is being happy, so I'm concentrating not on the nebulous goal of "being happy" but rather on some of the concrete things that I think should help to push me further in that direction on a regular basis. Fortunately, it's not like I'm *un*happy now the majority of the time.

My first resolution is that I need to either fish or cut bait. I've complained previously, both here and to friends, about how I don't enjoy my job anymore for a number of reasons and how I'd love to quit and stay home. Yet I haven't submitted my resignation. It's really hard to walk away from a job in this economy, as I've pointed out before. But no one wants to hear someone complaining about something and not doing anything about it -- including me. This year, I either need to a) fix my job, b) quit and stay home or c) deal with it and say no more on the topic.

Secondly, I want to spend more time doing things and less time thinking about how much work they're going to be. (Ok, so this one is somewhat nebulous. Deal with it.) I'm the queen of making commitments and then procrastinating because I know how much work it's going to be. Then I actually do whatever it is that I've committed to, and it's never so painful as I've made it out to be in my head. I'd rather just be done with things and avoid the stress.

Along those lines, I really need to organize a couple of key things:

The first is the office in my house. It's become the repository of Things That Don't Really Have A Home, and whenever the cleaning ladies come, more items migrate in that direction. I have a folded up Northwestern rug that I received for Christmas three years ago sitting on an old entertainment center. Both need to be removed. I have a volcano science experiment of Mister Man's sitting on the same entertainment center, and I should really just do it one day. The list goes on and on -- I have a plan of what I want to do in that room, but there is probably three or four days of solid work to be done in that room to get everything sorted and organized, and to get that entertainment center cleared off enough that I can get it donated elsewhere to move in some appropriate furniture instead.

I also need to organize the wee ones' baby books. I have notes here and there on many of their firsts, and more are in my head (such as Mister Man's first words of "NO NO NO NONONONONO" when we were in the hospital day three of four at seventeen months for rotovirus). None of this is captured in a baby book, and I want to do this for them as much as for me. Ditto on photo printing and arranging. I have photos starting with a 2001 trip to Seattle that are still sitting in digital format on my computer. You can only imagine how much work I have ahead of me on that one.

The other big thing that I resolve to focus on is not saving things. I tend to be a collector of things rather than a user of them. I've only recently started to figure out why it's so hard for me to "waste" something special - ignoring the fact that some things are only good for a certain amount of time before they're worthless (witness me doing my marathon free coupon day earlier this week for items that all expired on December 31). Again, being able to take pleasure in things - and I'm talking about everything from "fancy" linen replacement napkins that I received as a sample from a vendor in 1998 (literally) to gift cards to restaurants to bath salts. The pleasure I get from them shouldn't be in the receiving of them but in the enjoyment from using them.

It's ironic, but all the things that I am resolving to focus on are items that create stress in my life. Why I allow those areas the power to put stress on me when it's all in my control is beyond me. But I think I really just need to deal with them. All.

So cross your fingers for me as I hold my breath and ask for a leave of absence when I return to the office on Tuesday. Hey, it's a step in the right direction, right?

So what are your resolutions for 2010?

Mom, You're Worth It!

Hey Moms, this is for you. Read this all the way through. Really.

Think about what you've done so far this morning.

Did you make sure you got your children up this morning? Did you get them dressed? Fed them a nutritious breakfast? Did you make sure their teeth were brushed? Did you find something fun for them to do, making sure they're entertained and happy?

On school days, do you pack the lunches, get out the boots and mittens and hats and coats? Do you make sure that all the homework was done, permission slips signed, and paperwork dealt with in the backpack?

Before they go to bed tonight, will you read to them? Play with them? Make sure they've eaten a well-balanced diet, as much as a struggle as that might be? Were baths taken, teeth brushed again, all loveys accounted for and tucked in? Will you help with homework? Will you cook a dinner you know they'll like?

Now let's think about what we've done for ourselves, shall we?

Huh. That was a short list, wasn't it?

If we're lucky, we took a shower. Hopefully, we got teeth brushed, and maybe we threw on a little makeup. I skipped breakfast because I didn't have time. How about you?

When was the last time you read a grownup book for fun? Was the dinner something you relished, or was it something that you knew your kids would eat? Other than rushing from place to place playing the chaffeur and running errands, did you get anything done on your list of things you want to do?

I know I didn't.

Then I look around the house, and I look at me. I'm frazzled, and I'm tired. And I can feel that I'm starting to get cranky. Raise your hand if you make a great parent when you're tired, frazzled and cranky. Me neither.

I think I'm starting to find the solution, and I hope you'll join with me. Today, I'm going to do something for myself. Maybe I'll paint my nails. Maybe I'll have a glass of wine and take a bath. Perhaps I'll sit down when the wee ones are playing and read a chapter -- just one -- from a book I've been waiting awhile to read.

It doesn't have to be a big thing, and it certainly doesn't have to be expensive. The important thing is that I've done it for me. And I'll feel happier and more relaxed afterwards. Then I can go back to tending the wee ones and running the household as I normally do. And I'm a better mom for having done so.

Today is New Years Eve. It's tradition to make a resolution, and I think I know what mine will be next year. Every day, I am going to do something for myself. Just one little thing. And more importantly, I will not feel guilty for doing so. I'm hoping that this is a resolution that will be far easier to keep than the more typical one of losing weight. I know it will definitely be more fun.

So who's with me? What will your resolution be this year?