Sometimes, They Send You A Sign....

Don't forget to play along with my pop quiz here.

***

We've all been there. We're bored, home, flipping through the channels... and then we stop. We aren't really sure why we stop, but we have and we shrug our shoulders, settling in to watch. We're slowly sucked in to what we know is horrible, mind-numbing television that we quite frankly aren't even enjoying.

But we're stuck. We simply can't change the channel, although we have no idea why.

I've figured out the signs that it's truly time to move to another show, however. Granted, I've been spoiled by the ability to watch tv almost exclusively via Tivo, so I am not used to watching commercials. Wow, have they gotten horrible. Really horrible.

So the next time you're sucked in and you start to see these commercials, do your best to pick up that flipper and change the channel. You can do it. I have faith in you (less so in me).

1) Extenze. I get this spam in my inbox and don't read it there. I really don't want to watch it. I just wonder how these companies can stay in business and afford to advertise on tv.

2) The Awesome Auger. Granted, I was initially sort of intrigued by this one. I hate digging holes to plant my garden, and this seemed to make it so easy. Then I started to read the reviews. People, stay away. Scam. Bad scam. They take your credit card number upfront, and that is your agreement to purchase one or more of the products. And you can't cancel their order until it's in the system, but by the time they enter it into the system, it's already on the truck. And it doesn't work anyway. Bummer.

3) Latisse. Yes, now apparently not having full enough eyelashes is a disease, and there is a prescription to fix this. Holy cow. This is so wrong on so many levels, not the least of which (pointed out by my husband) is that one of the side effects of this is to turn your eyes brown. Seriously, glue on some fake eyelashes or use good mascara. Some prescriptions ... we just shouldn't make or buy them.

4) Smooth Away. Ok, so maybe you're sensing a theme here with the "As Seen On TV" ads. In general, unless it's the Topsy Turvey, if you're seeing a special offer commercial, turn the channel. This one is basically for fine grit sandpaper to sand away the hair... wherever you want. Yeah. I'll pass. I like my waxing ladies.

5) Head On. Granted I never actually went through that phase where I drank myself silly on a regular basis (mostly because I'm cheap but for other reasons, too), and I just can't imagine how that product work. But it's an annoying product, and you know it's aimed at ... not the brightest bulbs in the chandelier. Time to flip.

6) Video Professor. Now we've moved into the old people zone. I'm also trying to figure out the business model of this one. Get free CDs to learn how to use your computer. And he advertises on tv. I'm sure I'm missing something, but ... I don't think I care enough to figure out what.

7) Freecreditreport.com. Some commercials are annoying. Some make me want to gouge out my eyes and burn off my ears. This falls into the latter category. If you really want to know what's on your credit report (and you should have a pretty good idea anyway), three times a year, visit annualcreditreport.com and get one of your three free reports. Choose a different bureau each time, and you can stay on top of your credit report free of charge. Ta da!

8) Burger King's booty ad. Once upon a time, I had a whole post about this one. But by the time I actually saw this commercial myself, it had probably been out for months. Let's just say that I find that ad highly inappropriate, morally disturbing, and my family is done done DONE ever eating at Burger King. Ick.

9) Debt reduction services. There are a ton out there, and most of them appear to simply be marketing services that direct people deeply in debt to a company that can do for them the same things they can do for themselves with a little effort while promising so many pie in the sky dreams that are highly unlikely. Sadly, the radio station I listen to on a regular basis has this as a standard commercial at every half hour break. I switch channels each time it comes on. Bleh.

10) Nature Cleanse. Ok, really any cleansing product. Unless it's for my furniture or floors (I SOOOO want a Shark Steam but haven't yet broken down and bought one), I don't want to see it or hear it. And everything I've ever seen or read about them decries their ineffectiveness in most cases and danger in others. Yep, it's a sign you're watching bad tv.

On the other hand, if you happen to catch a Hillshire Farm Go Meat commercial, you're totally on the right channel. Know that I'll be toe tapping along with you. But any of the others? Make the effort to flip!

So how do you know when it's time to change the channel -- or better yet, turn off the tv?

Not My Problem

I very very rarely watch live tv (football, baseball, hockey and the Olympics being the rare exception and even then I prefer to pause it, walk away to do whatever I need to do and then watch it later). It's a disease as anyone with a Tivo can attest.


Sometimes as you're bouncing forward thirty seconds by thirty seconds, you catch just a touch of a commercial that makes you stop. Ok, and by sometimes I mean that this has happened to me once in the five years that I've had my Tivo.


In fact, my husband happened to be in the room, and I made him watch the commercial with me the second time because I was laughing so hard.


Really, you have to check it out.

I want to know where these women are for a few reasons.

First, the obvious is that watching the commercial cracks me up. I can't imagine how hard I'd be laughing if I saw someone on the street actually doing this.

And second, I'd need to conduct an interview with them.

Me: Excuse me, I noticed that you seem to have some trouble with your underwear. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?
Lady: Uhhh.
Me: Great! So I need to know, when your underwear rides up, is this something that you really have to adjust immediately while in public? Is there a reason you can't wait until you're in some sort of private space to adjust?
Lady: Well, you see....
Me: And really, does your technique work? I've never seen it before, and I just don't think that it would work for me.
Lady: Ahh...
Me: I mean, if I really have an issue, I go for the quick pull method. It's quick and very effective.
Lady: I see.
Me: And what kind of underwear do you wear? I've just never had an issue with it riding up on me constantly. Have you ever thought about going with a thong if you are that bothered by it?
Lady: I've got to go.
Me: Wait, just one more question! What's with the facial expression as you're adjusting? It just doesn't seem natural. If you kept more of a poker face, maybe people wouldn't notice as much?

Yeah, that interview probably wouldn't go over so well. But hey, it's an effective commercial by all advertising standards. I actually voluntarily watched it - more than once, mind you. I know what the product was (Hanes wedgie proof underwear -- maybe not the exact name but I could find it in a store) and where it's sold (Wal-Mart, which effectively means I'll never buy a pair). And the commercial made me giggle.