Sunday, September 13, 2009

An Open Letter To Icky Ladies

Dear Icky Lady At The Wedding Last Night Who I'll Assume Had Too Much To Drink,

Hi there, I'm the one who was in the bathroom stall next to yours at the end of the wedding reception last night. I didn't get a chance to talk to you, but I'm still stuck with the vision of you in my mind, so I have to share. I'm assuming you just weren't thinking, so I'm hoping this helps you in the future.

When I first walked into the bathroom, I noticed that there was a roll of toilet paper on the ground between two stalls. Realizing that it was likely that at least one stall was out of toilet paper, I resigned myself the to thought of using that toilet paper. Let me clarify: to using that toilet paper roll after I'd peeled off an inch or so of the paper that had been touching the dirty bathroom floor.

Fortunately, my stall had toilet paper, so it wasn't an issue. Even taking off the paper that I know was close to the ground wasn't quite enough to really make me all that comfortable with the idea of using it.

Anyway, I noticed when you entered the stall that you had great red polish on your toes. Normally, this wouldn't be that unusual, as so many women (including me) wear open-toed shoes. However, you weren't wearing shoes.


You weren't wearing shoes walking around outside on the patio where cigarette butts at the very least and broken glass most likely were there just waiting for you to step on them. And you weren't wearing shoes in the skanky end of the night bathroom. Ewww. That really grossed me out. REALLY grossed me out.

But then, then, you picked up the toilet paper roll off the floor -- it must have been your stall that was out of paper -- and just ripped of a bit and then used it. Granted, at this point, I was staring at the divider between our stalls in horror. I know you didn't take off the outside paper that was on the wet dirty nasty floor, not even the first layer. Your feet weren't quite so bad then, or maybe your feet were more explainable after that.

But then you put it back on the floor again for the poor next woman! I had thought about this when I walked into the bathroom (because I have these weird hypothetical situation conversations with myself on a regular basis) and already decided that if I had to use the icky toilet paper off the floor once I removed the ickiest parts, I would at least have the decency to put it on top of the dispenser after using it rather that simply returning it to the floor to get even grosser. Next time, do you think you could do that?

And maybe wear some shoes when you go into the bathroom?

Thanks so much!

PS I did love your gold heels. I saw them sitting on the counter when I went to wash my hands, so yay -- you did at least have some shoes somewhere. I also noticed your gorgeous iPhone sitting next to your shoes. In the empty bathroom. Next time, you might want to find a safer place to leave it. I didn't steal it (obviously!), but it would be so easy for someone to do so. And wouldn't that just be the cherry on the cake?


Karen September 13, 2009 at 3:30 PM  

You know, I will walk barefoot through a farmyard without even thinking about it. But there's something inanely disgusting about being barefoot in a public restroom that is wrong on at least 63 levels. Perhaps even as many as 67. Ick, indeed.

Tara R. September 13, 2009 at 3:50 PM  

Ewww... just ewww!

H F W September 13, 2009 at 3:50 PM  

Ewww. Eww. Ewww. I sincerely hope that she took a shower before she got into bed. That would be the real kicker for me -- sleeping in filth.

Anonymous September 13, 2009 at 4:10 PM  

Euw. That is just nasty and gross and there is no excuse for that. Ever.

Pat September 13, 2009 at 4:25 PM  

Gag. I hope it's that she had too much to drink and not that she does that all the time.

S3XinthePantry September 13, 2009 at 5:57 PM  

Ick! I don't know if she'll read it, but we can hope!

septembermom September 13, 2009 at 7:27 PM  

I can't believe that she put the toilet paper roll back on the floor! I'm glad that she wasn't one of the waitresses at the reception. So gross.

Unknown Mami September 13, 2009 at 7:57 PM  

Gross! She sounds very classy.

Megryansmom September 13, 2009 at 9:21 PM  

Lovely! Just lovely, your description of her just screams classy.

Anonymous September 13, 2009 at 10:14 PM  

Dude! I think you shared a bathroom with Britnay Spears!


Jillian Livingston September 13, 2009 at 10:25 PM  

I guess that just goes to show you that just because one has styleit doesn't necessarily mean that they have class.

I got snagged putting toilet paper on the seat before sitting on it, at a good friends house, and I will never live it down. Now whenever I go to the bathroom at a friends house I have to endure the taunting.

Melisa with one S September 14, 2009 at 9:10 AM  

Thanks alot for the visual: because we are practically brain twins, I now can't get the picture of you in the stall, looking at the divider in horror, out of my head.


MaBunny September 14, 2009 at 9:32 AM  

um, ick. I too would have cringed at the thought of using that toilet paper. And people wonder why I carry wipes in my purse or that toilet paper to go that I've found in the travel aisle of the local grocery store...
and no shoes? thats just nasty

Cookie September 14, 2009 at 10:40 AM  

Ewwwwwww! That must have beena lot to drink!

Angela September 14, 2009 at 9:20 PM  

Oh, dear. I will now have nightmares for at LEAST one evening (or one hundreD) about what this woman could have picked up, on her feet and...anywhere that toilet paper touched. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

I am so germophobic it's not even funny. But I'm not quite as bad as my friend Kimmy, who literally carries a can of Lysol everywhere she goes!

Michelle September 16, 2009 at 8:30 PM  

Karen - I am (oddly) with you. Outdoors in a farmyard somehow seems better and more natural. As long as I don't think too hard about it.

Tara - That really does sum it up, doesn't it?

Hyacynth - Well, yeah. I forgot to mention that part, didn't I? Ick ick ick. But I'm guessing she didn't.

Shelly - Yeah, I know. I'm still skeeved out about it.

Pat - That was my only saving thought... and then I was thankful that I don't overindulge!

S3XinthePantry - I'm sure she won't -- especially as I have no idea who she is. Plus, no one I *really* know reads the blog!

Kelly - I know -- isn't that just wrong? No worries about the waitresses part. There ... weren't many.

Unknown Mami - Uhhh yeah. Classy. In a backwards nasty sorta way.

Megryansmom - My description of her? The only thing worse I can think of is if she'd been talking on the phone!

Nichole - Now that's a scary thought. If so, Brittney's got some funky looking feet.

Jillian - That's hilarious! I actually go anti-tp on the seat. Then it just gets wet and gets you wet and ewwww! My mom always taught me to grab some tp to start and wipe the seat off (twice -- with a second bunch) and then just sit. Although I'm a little concerned over how you got busted with that one....

Melisa - Sorry! I was rather horrified. And in shock.

Marcy - Ahhh, good call on the wipes. I never thought of that. Then again, I purposely carry a small purse, but maybe I need to upgrade!

Cookie - No kidding, especially since many of the people there were quite experienced at holding their liquor.

Angela - Oops, sorry. I'm not anti-germ as I fully believe in giving my immune system a healthy workout, but that is wayyyy beyond me.

Mrs4444 September 19, 2009 at 11:02 AM  

You're so funny, Michelle. This post...just funny. :)

Michelle April 10, 2010 at 10:56 PM  

Mrs4444 - Awww, thanks! You're too kind!

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