Wednesday, September 2, 2009

A Little Friendly Advice

Dear Little Miss,
Drink your rice milk. Seriously, just drink it. It's one of the few calcium sources you can have, and this isn't negotiable with Mommy and Daddy. We know you like it, and it's important for your long term health. It isn't worth making Daddy mad. Or not getting to play because you're still sitting at the table. Please just drink it.
Love you,
Mommy

***

Dear Me,
Sometimes you're really stupid, you know that? Like this morning when you hyperextended your thumb putting on your jeans? I'm not really sure how people do that, but it's a pretty special talent. Just do me a favor and learn to do math. Do you realize that for the past few months you've been telling people who ask that you're a year older than you actually are? Who does that? Only people under age twenty try to add a year.
kthxbai,
Me

***

Dear Mister Man,
You're almost six. You need to learn to keep your hands to yourself. The teacher telling me that she had to talk to you about not pulling on someone's shirt is not a good way to start off the school year. I know you know what is and isn't ok. I know it's really hard when other kids are telling you to do something, but you're a smart kid and you need to learn to be strong, too. Someday, you'll thank me. And you'll be a happier person for it.
Love you,
Mommy

PS I am really proud of how well you're doing during class and how hard you're trying with everything you're being taught.

***

Dear Husband,
When we buy ice cream - which isn't that often - make sure you give me at least a taste before you eat the entire carton. You may think it's funny like a bad sitcom that you offer to get me a bowl of ice cream and I ask for just a smidge of the kind you've managed to eat all of, but it's really not. All you need to do is offer. I may decline, but do me the favor of at least offering.
Love you,
Michelle

***

Dear People-Who-Park-In-A-Handicapped-Spot-Because-They're-Only-Going-To-Be-There-For-A-Few-Minutes-And-It's-The-Closest-Parking-Spot,
I know you're in a hurry to pick up your kids. I know you won't be long. But it's illegal. And at the special needs preschool, I know this will come as a shock, we actually have students who need their parents to park there and have the appropriate permits. And can't because you're hogging them. And it's really not the message I think you want to be imparting to your own kids. Plus, it's kind of hard to always remember to shush the wee ones in time to prevent them from shouting to the world about how rude the illegal parkers are.
kthxbai,
Michelle

***

Dear Boss,
It is just plain rude to regularly blow off scheduled meetings with your direct reports with little or no notice. And to not reschedule them. And to fail to deliver a midyear review in the required timeframe. This will come back to bite you. Soon.
kthxbai,
Michelle

***

Dear Private School,
Ugh. I just finished writing down all the days that Mister Man is off school this year. And the ones that Little Miss -- and the rest of our district -- are off. Do you realize how many days I have one child home with me and only one? This is going to make things really interesting when it comes to finding childcare. I'm almost afraid to look to see when spring break is. What's the likelihood that you could look into following the school district's calendar next year? I'm fine with you starting the school year a little early and ending a little late, but the non-school days during the year are really causing me some headaches. And I'm sure I'm not alone.
kthxbai,
Michelle

***

Dear IDOT,
Have you lost your minds? I mean, really. Have you FREAKING lost your minds? In what part of your miniscule pea brain did it make sense to do major road repaving on the four major arteries in my area? And to start it the week that school started? I literally cannot turn out of my neighborhood in the morning to get Mister Man to school -- on a non-construction road, mind you -- because the two lane road is so backed with that many people who gave up on the completely torn up in the middle of rush hour four lane roads. It isn't like these roads were in that bad of shape to begin with. I know there is stimulous money to be had, but is it possible to spend it intelligently? Or to plan it using half a second's forethought?
kthxbai,
Michelle

So what advice do you have to give?

15 comments:

Melisa with one S September 2, 2009 at 9:27 PM  

FIRST!!!!

Whew! Look at me! I guess that's what happens when I finally catch up w/ my reader AND am online shortly after you put up a new post. heh heh!

I loved this post. I may try it myself! I can come up with one or ten thousand little notes like that, though possibly not as entertaining as yours.

Fishsticks and Fireflies September 2, 2009 at 11:20 PM  

Oy! When it rains, it pours, right?! People parking in handicap and fire lanes annoy me to no end! Father-in-law has a handicap placard for no other reason than the fact that he weighs nearly 400 pounds and cannot be bothered to walk from anywhere but the front row of the parking lot . . . must be nice. (And on that note . . . I often wish they had parking for parents with small children . . . extra room on the sides for strollers and buckling in carseats and fewer feet to walk with 3 kids under the age of 5.)

Here's mine:

Dear Grocery Store Parking Lot Cart Collector,

Please feel free to leave a cart of two in the corral for those of us that have only two hands. I do not appreciate the fact that I am a hot, sweaty mess by the time I haul myself, the 4-year-old, the 2.5-year-old, the baby in the infant carrier, the diaper bag, and my reusable bags to the front door. Seriously. If you need something to do, get your mop and bucket ready for the jar of pickles my kid is about to break in Aisle 11. Thank you!

WeaselMomma September 3, 2009 at 5:42 AM  

You crack me up! I too actually had about 6 months when I thought I was a full year older than I was. My kids had to correct me. I blame it on my head being filled with so many details of the Weasels lives that there was no more room to store any of my own information.

Sherry September 3, 2009 at 7:22 AM  

Just saw a van that was parked in front of fire hydrant yesterday. Guess what they have under their windshield wiper? A ticket! I'm like "DUH!" That totally irks me about the handicapped spot, too.

MaBunny September 3, 2009 at 8:45 AM  

wow Michelle - you had alot to say, lol!
I'm sure Mister Man will be just fine - hes just adjusting to the new year and probably trying to see how far he can 'push ' it and not get in trouble.

Thank you for posting the thing about the Handicap parking. I have a permit, and because sometimes you can't see my leg braces or I'm not wearing them because its too freaking hot, doesn't mean I don't need it! I had one lady walk by me, see how I was walking and say "handicap? yeah right..."
I said ' yeah right" and lifted my pants leg to show her my braces. She just kept walking....

TheSingleGirl September 3, 2009 at 10:57 AM  

Great post.

AND...

This past weekend there was a family function. Some old man asked me my age. Rude, huh? I was so caught off guard that I answered. "I'm 28." I sat there and did the math for a few minutes and was all "No, wait 27..27!!"

Hmm.

Stopping by from MamaKat's!

Aunt Julie September 3, 2009 at 1:58 PM  

Give Little Miss all the chocolate milk she wants. Tastes wierd with pizza and lots of other things, but this stopped the battles at our house. Cute, cute blog. Love it!

Pat September 3, 2009 at 2:02 PM  

Oh, Michelle, I feel your pain. You are having a bad week. I've heard it said that bad things come in threes, but for you they've come in 8s!! You need a day's spa treatment...maybe grandma could babysit...Tell her it's for your mental health.

The Crazy Coxes September 3, 2009 at 2:45 PM  

Parking in the handicapped parking space and not having a permit is just WRONG! No matter what!!

I'm a selfish person, but even I don't do that!!!

Idea: Call in sick, put the kiddos in childcare and sit around eating ice cream all day!

septembermom September 3, 2009 at 4:43 PM  

I'm with you on your ice cream request. I feel your pain there. Love this idea for a post with these "request" notes. Glad that Mister Man is trying hard in school. The school calender for my district seems to have a ton of days off this year too. I totally agree with your annoyance at people who take advantage of the handicap parking spots. My conscience wouldn't let me do it. What's wrong with walking a little?

Miss. Candy September 4, 2009 at 6:05 PM  

Great post, I agree about the parking!! Same goes for the fire lane when parents are dropping or picking kids up....do they not realize that we at the fire dept have a great big red truck or ambulance that will plow them out of the way!!!

H F W September 4, 2009 at 8:29 PM  

UGH! I think we should send that letter to IDOT. What are they thinking??? They've done that here, too. How am I supposed to get my chai tea in the morning before work if I cannot take three of the four ways to get to the coffee shop and the fourth way is waaaay backed up because ways one through three are, like, all but closed. Groan!

Michelle September 4, 2009 at 9:07 PM  

Melisa - Aww, nice job there, Melisa. I only wish it were more of a competition ;) I want to see your notes... I'll look for them.

Nichole - Ummm, yes. Yes, it does. Don't get me started on the woman in my parents' neighborhood who's asking for an exemption on the poop picking up of HER dog because she's too overweight to do it.

WeaselMomma - So glad to hear that! It's good to know I'm not the only insane one. And YES my life is all about other people, that's it!

Sherry - Oooo at least they had the ticket. That has to make you feel a little better, right?

Marcy - Don't I always though? Uhhhh the pushing it is going too far for the school's rules. I can only hope that the at home too punishments stick with him. And how RUDE for someone to say that to you and then not apologize at least. Ugh.

TheSingleGirl - Wow, I haven't been asked my age by someone I don't know well in ... a long time. But I at least got carded buying liquor this past week!

Aunt Julie - Sadly, she has a dairy allergy, so the chocolate is out. We do that already with Mister Man who doesn't have a problem with dairy.

Pat - I actually had a massage on Wednesday morning, and it felt really good. And a nice brunch today with a good friend. That definitely helped.

The Crazy Coxes - I like your strategy. I do have two free mornings a week now where I don't work and the wee ones are in school. And I'm taking advantage of them!

Kelly - It is a fun post, isn't it? I enjoyed it, too. I do wonder about people sometimes.

Miss Candy - Ummm should I admit that our schools have the car pickup and dropoff lanes in the fire lane? BUT no one is allowed out of a car at all, so if there IS something, we can move quickly? I didn't really think about that policy!

Hyacynth - Oh trust me, I'm complaining about some of your roads, too! I drive out your way to get to and from work, and it has NOT been pleasant. My husband called at 7:22 after having left the house at 6:40. He'd gotten three miles. Only two of those were on the affected road. *sigh*

Angela September 7, 2009 at 8:54 AM  

I give all kinds of advice, LOL! Usually at top volume while driving. And if our DOT does not get it together and SOON I am going to be writing some very ugly letters.

Michelle September 13, 2009 at 8:49 PM  

Angela - Yeah, I will say that's definitely something that's gone by the wayside since I had kids. I don't want them growing up doing that after all ;) But when you write those letters, send me a copy so I can change a few things and send them along to our folks up here?

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