My Husband, The Urban Dictionary

So. It's summer. The church choir hasn't been together in awhile. But we had a drop in choir practice. I made the mistake of going. It was the first time some of the members had seen my new haircut.

The choir director told me I didn't have to sing, just flip my hair and look pretty. So, as a joke -- beacause we're like that in my church -- I did the perfect hair flip.

The woman behind me, well, let me clarify, the nearly seventy year old woman behind me, leaned over and whispered, "She's a cougar!"

Umm, what?

I was insulted by that on a few levels. Really, it was the haircut? And I can't possibly be old enough to be a cougar, can I?

*sigh*

Oh, how times have changed.

I went hom and complaied about it to my husband. He was quite helpful. Being my husband, he of course had to make a diagram for me because he's incapable of describing something or giving directions without drawing.


It's a little blurry, I know, but bear with me. He wrote it on a small Post-It, and I don't have a fancy camera.

Apparently, there are many categories, and they're not all mutually exclusive.

So while MILFs apparently encompass a wide range of people, the subcategories do not overlap. Cougars encompass the "older" women who are MILFS and really only include women 35 and over. Oh, goodie. I have a whole year and four months before I actually fit that category. I'm hoping it's like "old people" where as a child I thought twenty was ancient and now I see seventy or so as the point at which you're old, thank God.

Then he introduced me to a new category -- and I'm so proud of him for knowing this... -- pumas. Pumas are apparently the MILFs that fall into the younger category of women. He assured me that I'm definitely a puma. For now.

And I think I'm insulted all over again! And really scared to see what searches I'm going to bring over here.