It's All Coming To A Head

I've been on a leave from work for almost nine weeks now - since March 1. It doesn't seem like it's been nine weeks, but May 17, I am scheduled to report back to work.

This has been my big change to experience, in a safe way, how I would do staying at home with the wee ones - and how they'd do with me at home. I had tried this route before three years ago and failed miserably.

A lot of that failure had to do with the fact that I had gone from 500mph to zero, with a toddler and infant (who was very mobile) who couldn't be left alone long enough for me to go to the bathroom. We had just moved, and I didn't know anyone nor did I have any activities for myself or the wee ones.

This time around, I've been working part time three days a week - and two of those from home. I am involved in the wee ones' schools, in my church, in neighborhood organizations and more. I have a routine for myself and for the wee ones. Theoretically, staying at home should be easier.

My grand images of having tons of time to tackle my miles long to do list? Shattered.

That doesn't mean that I've gotten nothing done, however. I've been a regular at the gym. I've managed the preschool fundraiser that will be complete this coming Wednesday. I've started the process of remodeling our master bathroom. I've cooked a lot more (which I enjoy). Oddly, I'm home less than what I was when I was working, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Staying home means giving up a huge portion of my family's income, as well as the good insurance from my job (he's a teacher - even working part time, I out earn him). I won't be able to get a position like what I have again, especially in this economy. I have a career that I'd essentially be throwing away, and for the most part, it's been on that I've really enjoyed.

But then I read a book by a working mom who talks about the balance she has in her life and keeping sane. She looks at her life with a great deal of humor, and it works for her. Some of the quotes really stuck with me, however.

Ravage of Time: The damage you inflict on those around you when you find yourself with too much to do and not enough time to get it all done. It's no accident that I rarely yell at my kids or snap at my husband unless I am late or overwhelmed by a to-do list that seems to have no end.

And it hit me. This is what I do. When I'm less stressed by deadlines and things I can't control, I'm more in control and calm. With my wee ones - especially Mister Man - being in control and calm is critical to having a productive day. And working - even part time (or maybe because it's part time?) - is stressful. I'm never fully home or fully working. Because I have a foot in both worlds, both worlds expect my all. And I can't give 110% to two different places. I'm lucky when I'm giving 80% to one!

I'm pretty sure now that I will be remaining a stay-at-home mom. It seems to be what's working better for my family. We're all happier these past two months, and happiness is what's most important, not who has the biggest bank account.

The trick for me now is to make sure in my head that I'm really sure this is the direction I want to take, since I won't be able to change my mind. And then I need to figure out how to tell my work that I won't be coming back. Do I tell them now? Do I offer to come in for one last day? What about all my work from home equipment? And at what point do I lose my health insurance and need to ensure I'm covered by my husband?

But most of all? I feel like a weight has been lifted. The confirmation that I'm seeking started coming through stronger and stronger the more of Kristin van Ogtrop's Just Let Me Lie Down I read. While being a 55 hour a week working mom with three boys is the path that she chose and the option that (no pun intended) works best for her, I shied away mentally from many of her anecdotes. That life was so unappealing to me now.

So let's see how I'm doing in another six months!

This post was inspired by the book Kristin van Ogtrop's "Just Let Me Lie Down" which I received from the SV Moms Group Book Club. There was no compensation nor review involved.

What Ever Happened To Leslie?

Friends are such important people in your lives. They come and they go - sometimes - but they all have a purpose in our lives and teach us various things about ourselves or others.

When I moved to Minnesota before fourth grade began, my family didn't have a house, so we stayed in a hotel until we found one (ha - good luck finding that relo package now). Being that Minnesota isn't exactly a tourist destination, living in a hotel after awhile becomes ... boring.

Finally a girl arrived at the hotel pool one day who appeared to be around my age - a first, I believe. We stayed and played together for a few days and became fast friends. She had also just moved to Minnesota, and her parents were just waiting for their house to be ready to move in. She was only there a week or so, but I really missed her when she left.

Fast forward to me moving into a house - a week before school - and getting signed up for that new school. It was a small Catholic school, and I knew no one. The first day of school was tough, as the cliques had already formed by fourth grade, and it was not easy to break in.

On the fifth day of school, I rounded the corner after getting a drink of water and spotted Leslie (my friend from the pool) coming around the corner the other direction. Imagine my shock - and joy - at seeing her again. Apparently she had been on the wait list for my fourth grade classroom (speculation is that my second grade sister got me in ahead of her) but had finally made it, so she'd just registered that morning.

You have no idea how wonderful it felt to have a rock like that. My life in school was instantly so much easier. We were best friends, and we spent so much time at each others' houses. She was an only child, so she had her own bedroom plus a playroom for her cool things like her dollhouse and unfolding chair into a bed. She had a Scottie, which I thought was the coolest thing ever. Plus, she had a really great singing voice, and her parents talked my parents into letting me join the children's choir. While I was never a soloist - she sang the Tin Man verse of "If I Only Had A Heart" - I enjoyed my experience, and it's probably a big reason why I enjoy singing today.

We were pretty much inseparable through fourth, fifth and sixth grades. In the seventh grade, there were finally two sections of classes, so I didn't see her as much, although we rehearsed The Sound of Music together frequently - she was Maria, of course, but I was Liesl (hey, it's a small school, apparently you didn't need that much talent).

But come the summer after seventh grade, I decided that I wanted to go to a public school for the increased opportunities - from larger classes to more electives. It was decided just before the start of school, and with my typical preteen selfishness, I threw myself into my new world. Finally, I was in a school with the other kids from my neighborhood. I wasn't the odd kid out, and I loved it.

I never saw Leslie after that. By the time I was a little older and realized how much I missed her friendship, I found out that her family had moved back to Washington state (she had come from Spokane). I did find out that she went to St. Mary's College by Notre Dame for college somehow, but I've never been able to track her down to apologize for disappearing and to try to renew our friendship.

I have no idea where she is today, but I wish I did. She made my fourth school in five years (due to moving) a pleasant experience for me, and I would have been lost without her. Although I made other friends at that school - including many I now keep in touch with via Facebook - hers is one of the two friendships from that period in my life that I most regret letting slip away.

So hey - if anyone knows where I can find Leslie Smith Field, have her shoot me an email, would ya? Ditto with Katie McCall while you're at it.

What friends do you most regret losing touch with?

Tasty Tuesday!

Quick giveaway reminder before I forget. Go here for a chance to win an Energizer Smart Charger.

***

It's Tuesday again, and we're working on summer in Chicago. It isn't here yet - although we at least saw the sun. I'm not desperate enough to call high 50s summer. (Although, give me a couple more weeks and maybe I will!) Tonight we had a special dessert: snow cones.

Yep, good old fashioned snow cones. In fact, I actually have one of the Snoopy Snow Cone machines that I picked up at our church's rummage sale a couple years ago for $0.50.

Yep, that really is the original one with the snowman syrup squirter and shovel to get the snow out and everything.  Ahhh, memories!


The big problem comes in the flavoring though. Getting shaved ice? Not too hard (although hand cranking four bowls? No need to get to the gym! My Vitamix could probably do a decent job now that I think about it. Eh.

Back to the flavoring. There are tons of syrups out there, but surprise, surprise - they're full of high fructose corn syrup, which means they're out of bounds for us. In searching online, I found recipes to make my own snow cone syrup, but it always called for Kool-Aid, which sorta seemed like it was defeating the purpose of making my own.

After a couple of hours noodling on this, I finally came up with a (brilliant?) idea. Thinking back to the cupcakes I made for Little Miss's half birthday, I decided to essentially make a simple syrup using fruit.

And the results? I got rave reviews from my crew, so the leftover syrup is going in the fridge (or perhaps I need to move it to the freezer) to await a suitably hot day to make some more snow cones!

Homemade Snow Cone Syrup

Ingredients:
1 1/2 c strawberries (I used fresh since they're in season)
1 1/2 c frozen cherries (I had the sweet dark cherries, but again I'd like to try this with the tart ones - my sweet tooth isn't so strong)
1/2 c sugar
1 t vanilla
zest of half a lemon

Directions:
It doesn't get easier than this. Add the ingredients to a saucepan. Bring to a boil over medium high heat. Boil for two to three minutes.

Place the mixture in a blender and zap it until it's as smooth as your blender will make it (gotta love the Vitamix for this one). Strain, and chill.

Spoon just a small amount over shaved ice. Thin with a bit of water if you like, but I liked it nice and thick (still very pourable just not as viscous as the traditional neon colored syrups). This would also be pretty darn good over ice cream, a theory my husband promises to test out later tonight.

I May Need To Rethink This...

As a parent, I want my children to have a broad palate. I remember before having kids dreading the idea of my children only eating hot dogs and macaroni and cheese, something I couldn't imagine doing myself. With that in mind, I instituted the chew-and-swallow rule early in the wee ones' toddlerhood.

If it's on your plate, you must take a bite large enough to satisfy me, and you must fully chew and swallow that bite before making a pronouncement. Granted, I've had to clarify that rule over the years, since it did originally start out as the "you have to try it" rule, which was open to far looser interpretations.

The wee ones have grown to accept it, and they know I'm not going to make them try things I truly don't expect them to like. Mister Man avoids sauces of all kinds, so I won't force him to try a fettucini alfredo, for example. And really, liver and onions? There's no way I'd eat it, so I won't push it on the wee ones.

Over the years, they've discovered (or remembered) that they really enjoy something from these requirements. And there are some things that we'll just keep trying again later. As Mister Man keeps insisting ever since his field trip to the grocery store (seriously - it was a really fun field trip), "Mommy, as I get bigger my taste buds get bigger, too, and things I used to not like, I might like."

Today we had a baptism to attend, and there was a lunch afterwards at an Italian restaurant. With Little Miss's dairy allergy, it was a bit of a challenge to find something for her to eat with the family style meal. The bruschetta and the bread were unfortunately out, as they had dairy. And it would be two courses before they brought out something for kids.

I offered Little Miss a piece of calamari in the hopes that it might tide her over.

And she proceeded to eat at least half a family size platter of calamari. (And an entire monstrously large bowl of pasta with marinara, but we won't talk about that now.) As I saw her continue to ask for more and more, I realized that maybe I should be a little more selective in what I offer her.

Maybe I'll find something a little less expensive to offer her next time. Can you imagine the guy on his first date with her as a teenager when she starts ordering?

My Mama Didn't Teach Me

As a parent now, I recognize that my mom worked hard to teach me the things she felt were important for me to know about life. I do the same with the wee ones, and I can only hope that my lessons will allow them to develop into happy and confident people.

However, some of the things I learned along the way - unintentionally or not - I've since learned aren't the secret to a happy life. I've redefined a few things, and it seems to be working for me.

Without further ado - the top 10 rules I've unlearned:

10) Sitting too close to the tv won't harm my vision. Granted, I'm not one to sit three feet away anyway, but this is no longer something that gives me heart palpitations for fear that I'm causing irrepable damage.

9) It's never too late to say you're sorry. Growing up, we avoided conflict. It was much easier to pretend something didn't happen rather than deal with it and move on. I'm finding it far more effective to deal with the issues and have a clean slate.

7) Planning doesn't solve everything. My mom is the most organized person ever. She is the reason I had my calendar color coded based on activity in college to keep everything straight. But now? Well, when I have plans with eleven women to go to dinner tomorrow night, I expect that several will drop out. The fact that I'm down to six now and may not be able to reduce the reservation by that much? Eh. I'll survive. There's only so much I can control after all.

6) The phrase you can never be too rich or too thin is bunk. I can't tell you how often my mom repeated that to me, and wow, looking at it now is that unhealthy. But hey, I'm not thin and I'm not rich, but I'm pretty darn happy with my life thankyouverymuch.

5) Sometimes, it's ok to sit down. My mom was in perpetual motion. She had bridge or was driving us to or from an activity or was taking a neighbor somewhere and the like. While I do sometimes follow the same route of overcommitting myself, I'm learning to say no and to take some time to relax just for me. And I think that is making me a happier mom and person.

4) You don't have to be the nicest. Back to the theme of saying no, my mom volunteered for everything. She sought out situations to help people - people she knew, friends of friends, and more. She currently drives her 97 year old bridge partner to bridge each week. She got suckered into watching her neighbor's dog almost every weekend for three yearrs although they rarely even said thank you. Me? I'm ok if not everyone likes me. Having the most friends doesn't win you the race in the end. That isn't to say that I'm (purposefully) rude or mean to people, but I set limits. And if people don't like them, deal.

3) Falling down is ok. My mom still freaks when one of the wee ones falls or otherwise gets hurt. She hovers, and it freaks them out. I'm busy trying to foster independence and a sense of competence. My rule right now is "no blood, no foul" and it's working. I think.

2) Sometimes, you need to take a step back ignore the stereotypes. If I did, I wouldn't have sent the wee ones to the excellent preschool I did. I wouldn't have some of the wonderful friends I do now. My mom is way different from her parents, but there are still prejudices she holds that worry me. Just this afternoon she wanted to know if they did background checks on bus drivers - the first time she's asked this in four years of wee ones riding the bus - because I told her that Little Miss had a new bus driver, a younger somewhat heavy-set Hispanic man. Apparently this is grounds for concern. Well, for her anyway. (And yes, everyone who comes into contact with children in district goes through a thorough background check.)

And the number one thing I unlearned from my mom?

Perfect is not the goal. Sometimes good enough really is. Striving for perfection leads to a fear of failure and paralysis. And since you can never accomplish it, there's never the true joy of satisfaction. It isn't that I do thing halfway, but I set a point where I'm satified and can quit.

I can only imagine the things the wee ones will be unlearning from me!

Hopefully it won't have anything to do with giveaways - Biogaia was extended until tomorrow, e.l.f. cosmetics runs until Saturday, and Energizer Smart Charger is open until May 4.

Sometimes You're The Windshield; Sometimes You're The Bug

I love that song, and now I have it going through my head. Artist anyone?

Today, I was the bug. While I was super productive and got a lot done, I also realized that all my running around out and about probably induced quite a few snickers. And deservedly so.

I have a pair of jeans that is coming really close to having a hole in the knee. I know to be careful with them. This is not uncommon, as the knees seem to give out regularly.

Me? I've got a whole different issue, and yes, I apparently walked around like this all day long. It wasn't until after dinner when Mister Man pointed it out that I realized my problem.

Go ahead, you can laugh, too. You've got my permission. There's really no way to salvage these, is there?

BUT if you laugh, you have to go enter giveaways - I'm extending my probiotic giveaway due to lack of entries. Probiotics are good for you in a lot of ways, and many of these are perfect for kids. Go. Enter.

Plus e.l.f. cosmetics giveaway.

And I have a brand new giveaway from Energizer - a Smart Charger!

Lastly (I know I know) if you want to hear about the oh so fun Silicon Valley Chicago Moms Blog event, go check out part one of my recap here.

Tasty Tuesday!

Don't forget that I'm still giving away some e.l.f. cosmetics here!

***

Spring is truly ummmm springing in Chicago, and I'm starting to get a real taste for the fruits of summer. Literally. Unfortunately, those fruits tend to be very expensive at this time of year - not to mention flown in from parts very, very far away.

Instead, I'm contenting myself with some of the frozen and jarred varieties to convince myself that the gorgeous days of summer are just around the corner. This recipe is one that my mom used to make all the time when I was growing up. It was one of the few recipes she made that appeared "fancier" and was oh so yummy.

And us being us, we completely mispronounced the name of it as "Peach Cooch-in" but hey, it all tastes the same, right?

Peach Kuchen

Ingredients:
1 1/2 c flour
1/4 t baking powder
2 t cinnamon
1 3/4 c sugar
1 egg
1 c milk
1 stick butter, unsalted
1 29oz jar sliced peaches (you can do jarred or frozen - I prefer the jarred or frozen myself)

Directions:
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

Mix cinnamon and all but 1 T sugar, and set aside. Cut butter, baking powder, flour and remaining 1 T of sugar together. Pat gently into a pie pan.

Drain and rinse the peaches (or use fresh or thaw the frozen). Layer artfully - my mom's word - over the flour mixture and sprinkle the sugar and cinnamon over the peaches. Bake 30 minutes.

Mix egg and milk. Pour into pan after the first 30 minutes of baking. Bake another 30 minutes. Let stand 15 minutes before serving.

Yum! And ummm no, there is no picture. Pictures would mean it survived cutting the first piece, and when I make this, it is GONE.

PS It's really good with ice cream, too. Just sayin'.

Enjoy recipes like this and more with Blessed With Grace and Tempt My Tummy Tuesday!