Good-Bye Family Dinners

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I am a firm believer in the importance of family dinners, and I know that there is a ton of research out there showing how much impact that has on children's development and their character as they grow older.

For me, a family dinner isn't just all sitting down together. I ban any reading materials at the table (a habit to which my husband still periodically reverts). There is no tv on (ok, so we don't have the tv on at all when the wee ones are awake). We have conversations on whatever strikes out mood, and sometimes they're admittedly pretty silly.

Beyond that, we stay sitting at the table until everyone is done. Just because you finished eating doesn't mean that everyone is done. I think it's rude to get up and put your dishes away or start working on chores when the rest of us are still eating (uhhh yeah, you caught me; I'm a slow eater). The family dinner to me isn't just about the food, but it's about the respect and the company and the time together.

I've drummed this into the head of everyone in my family, and it sticks there most of the time (my husband still wants to go do stuff once he finishes eating). To date, we've been pretty successful at the family dinners. There are certainly times when my husband is working way past the dinner hour, and it's just the wee ones and I. And there are nights when I have other commitments and am not home to eat with the wee ones, and I hope my husband sits and enjoys the time with them, too.

Last night was our first night of having this domestic bliss spoiled.

Little Miss had gymnastics from 5:15-6:15, so she was gone from the house from before 5 until after 6:30. Mister Man had his first Cub Scout meeting (anyone need Christmas wreaths?) from 6:30-8 so was gone from 6 to 8:30. Their dinners for the first time ever did not overlap.

It was bittersweet for me, a real moment that showed just how quickly the wee ones are growing up. I had to create two separate dinner times for the wee ones.

Luckily, my dad was taking Little Miss to gymnastics, so I could organize things. I had two dinners last night. I ate a mini bowl of ravioli with Mister Man and my husband at 5:30. At 6:30, I ate a second mini-bowl of ravioli with Little Miss while my dad watched (he had ordered takeout pizza for himself so decided not to eat with us).

As much as I loved spending the time one on one with the wee ones, it broke my heart to realize that this is merely the first night of many. Soon the wee ones will be going hither and yon on a regular basis where a quick dinner in the car while hoping to get one to a practice or game on time while trying to race to pick the other up from a different practice or game. Someday, the family dinner will be more of the exception than the norm, and I will mourn these days.

At the same time, I wouldn't hold back the wee ones and their development for anything. I love that they're growing up and becoming more independent. I love that they're discovering passions that will define them for years to come.

As much as I'd like to, I can't buckle them into booster seats and hold them at the table forever. After all, I'd bet they already don't even fit in those old seats. I'm not giving up on family dinners though. Every night we're together, the same rules will apply. I just hope we have more nights than not that we are together.

Welllll until they head off to college. I suppose family dinners then would get a little awkward.

My Life Fits Me Fine

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When I was in kindergarten, I was so very jealous of Jennie O. She got to have a Halloween party at her house. My mom would never have let me have a Halloween party like Jennie.

In first grade, I was jealous of Brooke B. Her mom let her be a model, and she had a picture in the JC Penney ads where she was blowing a bubble. I wasn't pretty enough to be a model like Brooke.

In second grade, Katie W got to sit next to Andrew, who I had the biggest crush on. Even though I was one of his three girlfriends (ummmm yeah, he was a cool dude back then), I wanted to be the only one, and I wanted to be Katie.

In third grade, Nicky S was in ballet and had the coolest leotard and tights. I had tried ballet and lasted only six months because I hated it so much, but I still wanted to be Nicky.

In fourth grade, Keely B seemed to have all the friends, and her life looked so easy. I wanted Ben and Paul and Brian and Will to be hanging all over me like they did Keely.

In fifth grade, Lizzy L was the fastest runner I knew. She could even beat the boys, and I wanted to be her more than ever.

And so on it went...

In college, I found my own stride, and things were pretty smooth. I was happy with my life and what I was doing, and I honestly can't think of anyone I truly envied.

After college, I looked at Carrie J and how she juggled an awesome job - doing the same thing as me but at a different company - and a stream of boyfriends who adored her. I dated a couple guys I didn't even like so that I could be like her. Fortunately I came to my senses and stopped that pattern. But Carrie led the charmed life I wanted.

As I had the wee ones, I saw all my neighbors and friends quitting their jobs to joyously stay home with their children. I kept working and looked at my friend Lisa D with envy for her easy life. Then I quit my job when the wee ones were 2 and not yet 1. It was a miserable life for me for a variety of reasons, and I soon went back to work.

I'm not sure exactly where I realized that my life is my life - and I like it that way. No matter how golden someone's life appears, it isn't truly as it appears. There's always some wrinkle that you don't know about that adds pain or strife or stress in some way. Our own lives are how we design them, and mine really fits me quite nicely.

I've figured out how to stay home with the wee ones and enjoy it. I fill the time I have doing things I - generally - enjoy, and I take pride in what I accomplish. I found a man to marry who is everything I asked for and all that I need. Nothing is perfect, but that would get boring. Instead, I am content.

I can now look at people who have gorgeous hair and genuinely admire it without wanting to trade places. I watch the women at the gym wearing tight spandex that looks good on them as they churn off another dozen miles, and I shake my head in wonder. I watch the chefs who cook on the Food Network, and their prowess astounds me - but I wouldn't want to be them.

Welllllll, most of the time anyway....

This Post was inspired by the book "Following Polly" by Karen Bergreen, which was the From Left to Write book club selection this month. As always, our posts are not book reviews but instead are drawn from something in the book. I received a copy of the book to read for the book club, but there was no compensation involved.

PS This book get two huge thumbs up. Loved it.

Fashion Show!

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Plus, I just put up a review of a totally awesome caramel apple factory. If you want to see how they're made and drool, go visit here.

***

Spring has finally sprung here in Chicago - and oh my, I really hope I didn't just jinx that! That of course means that the wee ones have started to wear outfits that don't involve covering them from head to toe. In fact, we even had a record high 83 degrees on Thursday that necessitated a mid-day clothing change.

And that mid-day clothing change made me realize that the wee ones are truly growing. It isn't just my imagination. In fact, Mister Man has grown three inches since his checkup less than six months ago.

With that in mind - and knowing that they had to have something suitable to wear for Easter today - I insisted that we do their least favorite activity. Yep, it was fashion show time. I promised them something fun once we finished, and they reluctantly agreed, provided that they got to choose the five outfits we were going through that day.

We'll start with Little Miss, since ironically she was far more cooperative in this endeavor, although she is usually the more difficult of the two. Maybe my little girl is really turning into a little girl (ignore the hair please - she had just woken up from her nap, and my mom didn't use conditioner in her hair after swimming class).

As a reminder, they got to choose which outfits they'd try on.  Our first selection is a lovely 2009 Fourth of July ensemble.  This is one that I am going to have to hide until the holiday this year, as I recall she greatly enjoyed putting it on repeatedly last summer.  Unfortunately, the entire outfit still fits.  On the plus side, the elastic waist on the skirt is now close enough to fitting that she will be able to run without holding the skirt up.  Am I the only person who has an issue with Faded Glory being placed prominently on a t-shirt that displays our flag?  (Yes, my mom bought this one, not me.)

Her next selection was, not shockingly, a Twins ensemble.  This is a t-shirt that passed down from Mister Man after he outgrew it.  I see that she will also be wearing this one frequently this summer.  The capri pants are getting a little short, but this will at least get us through the first part of summer.

I had a difficult time approving this outfit, as she's worn it for the past two summers already.  Yes, you read that correctly.  This has a second skort that she also tried on that she has finally outgrown.  While they fit in the waist, they were a sligthly indecent in their length.  That skort?  24 months.  This one?  3T.  The shirt is a 4T, and I can see that again, we will only be able to wear this for the first few weeks of summer before it is gracefully retired.

Once again, Little Miss has chosen a Mister Man hand me down for her outfit selection.  Is anyone noticing a trend?  My poor mom.  She so isn't getting her girly-girl.  On the plus side, the Willie t-shirt will definitely make it through the summer.  I'm reserving judgement on this skort, however.  It seemed loose, and at four and a half, running around holding up your pants just isn't going to be allowed.

For our final outfit, Little Miss went with the un-shocking choice of Tinkerbell.  She was thrilled to note that this 5T selection passed muster.  These pants, however?  They went into the donation pile.  I don't think we can justify wearing them any longer.

With Little Miss being as compliant as she was, I was able to sneak in all her summer dresses, as well, in the guise of seeing what she could wear for Easter today.  Her first selection was a lovely dress that would look much better on a girl four inches shorter.  This was also placed into the donation pile.

Our second attempt was last year's Easter dress that was ankle length at the time.  Although definitely shorter, this may be our winner.  I'm thinking that 6pm on the day before Easter was not going to yield a new dress for her.

We moved on to one of her favorite dresses last year.  Little Miss long torso is definitely outgrowing this dress.  However, while we won't be wearing it for Easter, I am holding on to this one for a few weeks until I am certain that she has something else to wear when needed.  This one is at least decent.

Little miss's final selection was this once mid calf-length dress.  After deciding that she looked like she was headed to a 60's minidress party, I told her that this also had to be placed in the donation party.  However, after seeing the green dress that one woman wore to Easter services this morning,  I am rethinking that decision.

Mister Man was next on the docket, and he proved to be less happy about the fashion show. Actually, he was fine with the fashion show aspect, but he did not like the picture taking portion. Go fig.

Interestingly, Mister Man's first choice was to pair a shirt I'd bought him last year purposely too big with a pair of soccer shorts from last summer.  The shorts will stay until I can buy a new pair, but they're quickly headed for Little Miss's closet.  The shirt confirmed that Mister Man is not yet into size M clothing.

Next up we have a pair of shorts that my mom bought last year - size 7 - that apparently will fit all summer long.  Thank goodness I have some clothes I know he can wear.  That shirt may last us for a few weeks into summer, but it appears destined for the donation pile.  I was quite proud of him for matching nicely - relatively - for his first two outfits.

His next outfit also matched beautifully, and this shirt looks like it might make its way through at least half the summer.  The shorts only prove how much he's grown in the past year.  Yikes.  I'm amazed he was able to button those without giving himself a hernia, but he said they actually felt fairly comfortable.

I lost all faith in his fashion sense here, although it's possible that he grabbed five shirts and then five shorts and only tried to match them up after they were out of his closet.  That's the theory I'm going with anyway.  These shorts are also headed for the donation pile.  And yep, this is another M shirt that I bought him last year for the future.  The future has not quite yet arrived.

So far, five outfits, and we're only able to keep about half the clothes.  I did a quick peek at some of their other clothes in the closet and saw a few 2T shirts and such in Little Miss's closet and some 4T and 5T clothes in Mister Man's.  Apparently we'll be doing more fashion show, soon.  And I might put up some of the more entertaining outfits - if they let me!

In the meantime, I'm begrudgingly making my shopping list.  I suppose Little Miss needs at least one dress to get her through the summer.  And Mister Man might need more than one pair of shorts this summer.  time to start clipping those coupons!

My Little Girl!

I usually let Little Miss dress herself. I'm a big believer in independence and letting children make choices now and succeed or fail at them when the stakes are small so they learn how to do both well as they get older.

It's true that there are days when I choose to publicly acknowledge that I had nothing to do with her outfits (like the day she wore her grey 24 month romper that she had somehow pulled from the giveaway pile with matching grey knit shorts, turquoise and white striped socks and a purple bow), but I generally allow her to be herself, and it suits us all.

On "special" days, I will make requests, and she's generally happy to accomodate them. I asked her today to put on a nice dress for Father's Day and church. She ran off to her room and came back shortly.

I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. Apparently I didn't do a good enough job of purging her closet this year - and the weather has been rotten enough that she hasn't worn many summer clothes.

Last year, this dress was a beautiful sundress that fell to her mid-calf. When I told her that she couldn't wear it today and that we were going to have to give it away, she wasn't happy.



Nope, not happy at all. But ummm apparently she's grown a little in the past eight months. That dress fit perfectly well when we were in Florida in October.

She's not my baby anymore, is she?

What A World We Live In

Mister Man starting up preschool had me thinking. Yeah, I know that's a bad idea, but it's what happens sometimes. Things are really different from when I was growing up.

Mister Man has been receiving various therapies -- speech, occupational and physical -- since he was 17 months old. I was lucky enough to have friends who were able to lead me in the right direction when I felt there wasn't something quite right about Mister Man.

My mom had no such interventions. She talks about how many things are so similar between Mister Man and I, and that frequently makes it hard for her to understand why he's in a special needs school and I turned out "just fine." Apparently I probably had low core strength as a child, which led to delays in gross and fine motor development like being able to cut and write properly. You should see my handwriting now, as I never learned to do it properly. And don't ask me to use a pair of standard scissors. My mom blamed it on being left handed, but "we know better now."

On the plus side, we moved around a lot as a child, following my dad's jobs as he was promoted or transferred. I rather enjoyed going to new places and meeting new people, but I know my sister didn't. Married to a math teacher, I know that I'll never leave the state, as there's no way he's giving up his place on the scale or his pension by moving elsewhere.

In fact, while Mister Man has lived in three different homes, we moved to our current house when he was still two. His only memories will be here, and he'll have friends that he went to kindergarten with. I always envied my friends who knew others from infancy practically. My oldest friends are from eighth grade. I wonder how much of an impact on me that's had.

At the same time, we rarely lived near family. We visited frequently, and they visited us. We'd even vacation with my grandparents. I had good relationships with them all and loved them, of course.

With my parents, my wee ones have a very different relationship. They live fifteen minutes from us, and they frequently do childcare for us -- at their insistence. There are times when I wonder if they love my parents more than they do my husband and I. The "grandparent rules" are all well and good when you see them sometimes. I am concerned about the impact of having these rules in play so frequently, but I wouldn't trade their relationship with my parents for anything.

By the time I was four and almost five, I remember heading over to friends' houses by myself to play. And coming back in time for dinner. Mister Man still naps frequently, and so many children are so scheduled that it's hard to have the unscheduled playtimes, let alone the trust to allow them to go on their own without knowing exactly what they're doing.

At least we have sidewalks in our neighborhood, something I learned from my childhood. We never had them, and there were definitely times I was concerned for my safety while walking. Plus, there's far less excuse to cut across neighbors' lawns this way!

I'm a younger mom than my mom was, ironically enough, but in many ways I know more than she did. I've read more than her and consulted more experts. She raised my sister and I as best she could, and we're both contributing members of society.

I can only hope that my children grow up with the same measure of love and safety and respect and happiness that my sister and I did. As long as they grow up happy and healthy, it doesn't matter what's changed over the years. As long as they grow up happy and healthy, I've done my job.

My Little Boy Is Growing Up...

So yesterday Mister Man learned how to use the brakes on his bike. Today, he did a playdate by himself.

As you may or may not know, my son is slightly special needs. He was very delayed in his speech and started speech therapy when he was 17 months old and still made no sounds. We found that part of the reason he didn’t talk was his low muscle tone, which prevented him from supporting himself enough to control his breath to babble and talk.

Today, he still doesn’t have the full strength that most kids his age do, but he’s made leaps and bounds improvements. His speech has no issues at this point, and he no longer gets speech therapy, but his fine motor is somewhat delayed, so he gets OT and PT once a week at his preschool. He’s been making leaps and bounds improvements over the last month and a half though,

One effect of his delayed speech – or potentially something that’s part of his personality that may be an issue his whole life – is that socially he doesn’t quite “get” it. When the two year olds were negotiating and learning how to interact, he was figuring out how to start talking. From that point, he was always a little delayed socially and frequently just had no interest in interacting with other kids.

His preschool has made a world of difference. He started November 1, 2006, and over winter break that year, he asked a friend’s 7 year old daughter if she wanted to play Candyland. He’d never asked someone a question like that before. Over the last year and a half, he’s continued to make progress, but I can still see differences between him and other kids. Mister Man will get too close when talking, he bounces when he’s excited, he walks away while he’s talking to people, and so forth.

We saw a pediatric neurologist in February to help try to rule in or rule out Aspergers for him. At this point, she had no interest in putting any labels on him which relieved my mind. Her point is that many kids who are gifted academically are frequently socially behind and are weak with fine motor skills at this age. Many outgrow it by age 8 or 9, and that’s her hope for him. One of her recommendations is that he should have more playdates to help him socially. (She’s also who suggested looking into kindergarten for him next year, ironically – more to come on that at some point, I promise!)

I know, I know…. Playdates for my kids should be high on my list, but I haven’t been nearly as good at putting them together as I should. Weekends are family time. Monday through Friday, he’s in preschool; the bus picks him up at 8:20 and drops him off at 12:15. Mondays he’s at daycare, and some weeks I have a playgroup with friends (four girls though). Tuesdays, he does Language Stars in the afternoons. Thursdays he has swimming lessons. Wednesdays I’m in the office at work and he’s in daycare. Since he still naps, and so does Little Miss, after naptime, we usually eat dinner and the kids then start getting ready for bed. But I know it needs to be a priority.

Spring break has been perfect though. Monday we had a friend over and then had our playgroup. Tuesday was the Children’s Museum. Today, we had a friend come over in the morning, and he went to a friend’s house after naptime.

It really warmed my heart to watch him today. He played with the boy who came over this morning. They chased each other. They got little cars and drove them all over the floor. They went into the basement together and played. They played trains up in his room. There were no arguments, and I never had to remind him to play with his friend. For all those of you with “normal” kids, you have no idea what this feels like. My boy is making progress!

This afternoon, I took Timothy to another friend’s house, and the mom expected that I was going to leave him there. So I did. (All the kids in Mister Man’s preschool class this year are either already 5 or turning 5 and headed to kindergarten next year, so the moms are more used to this, I guess!) In fact, before I even got out the door, Mister Man and his friend had run upstairs and were off playing.

I felt a little guilty, but I got my car washed and the inside cleaned. I stopped at a couple local businesses to solicit for Mister Man’s preschool fundraiser (if anyone’s near Barrington, I’ll be posting a thank you to all the businesses who donated – please patronize them! And if anyone wants to enter the raffle, tickets will be $1 each, I believe and we have some rocking prizes!). I felt guilty just leaving him there, but when I went to pick him up at 5, he was having a great time! He had colored and cut and played and interacted and the other boy liked him. The other little boy even wanted Mister Man to stay overnight! And they all – including the mom – wanted him to come back again!

Mister Man has started saying things like (names changed) Victor likes me now. Erik wants to play with me. Roger wants to be my friend now. Two months ago, he would be sad because those boys didn’t want to be his friends. I don’t know what it is, but something is finally clicking with him. He gets it! He’s making friends.

And I have a feeling that we have a lot more playdates in our future!