Can I Still Pull My Kids From School For Vacation?

It's the first week of school for us. The wee ones are both in elementary school now, Mister Man in second and Little Miss in first. At some point, the only time they'll be able to be absent is when they're legitimately sick. Right now, I'm still pulling them for family vacations. Sometimes.

I feel like a bad mom doing that, feeling like in a way it's saying that fun is more important than school. They're at the age when their teachers are starting to frown on it more heavily. And my husband is a teacher, so whenever we do this, he can't join us. And he's not a fan of it, either.

But.

But there are some things that I want the wee ones to experience that they can't except when school is in session. And so on the first week of school, after only three days in school, I pulled the wee ones to drive up to Minnesota with my dad. Growing up, the Minnesota State Fair is one of my favorite traditions. It was something everyone did, and I also showed my horse there every year. Missing school for it was never an issue, since school started after Labor Day for us up there, and it was a great family tradition. A tradition that I'd like to continue with the wee ones to some degree, though I know we won't go every year. The Fair opens the second to last Thursday in August, and the wee ones are on their third day of school then. While we could technically go on a weekend - either that one or Labor Day weekend - it's too expensive to fly and seven hours each way is a mind-numbing thought in a forty-eight hour period. Plus, the crowds are often over 200,000 on weekends, and that makes me nervous for the wee ones.

So I pulled them. And we went to the Fair on Friday and a Twins game on Saturday before heading home early enough Sunday that we could get some homework done and have them in bed so they wouldn't be too tired for the upcoming week.

They did learn at the Fair. They learned a lot about the different kinds of horses and why the different breeds look so different. They saw pigs being born. They "worked" on a farm and saw how farmers make money from seed and cow to the store. And they ate. A lot. And they went on a few rides.

I feel somewhat guilty, but not enough to stop myself from pulling them out for another four days in October. They're good enough in school and know that they have to write diaries about what they did on vacation for their teachers (my assignment) in addition to any homework they need to make up. That's my mental rule: so long as they're doing well in school and have good attitudes about the work they need to make up, I'm ok with pulling them from school for family vacations.

Or that's my "for now" rule. I'm still trying to figure it all out. What about you? Do you or did you ever pull your children from school? What were your rules about it, and when did you or when do you plan to stop?

Wordy Wednesday - Garden Update

How does your garden grow? And to think I originally entitled this Wordless Wednesday! Ha!

I am so sad that my green beans and French beans aren't coming up at all. That said, my kohlrabi went wild (and was the first up) - they're the ones in the middle. I think I'm going to try to thin them and replant in another egg container. Any thoughts as to how to help them survive?

I also planted tomatoes two weeks after the other ones - both Roma and Beefsteak. They came up quickly and successfully; I put only 2 seeds per cube.

I neglected to read the instructions for carrots: plant them directly to the ground so their roots grow straight. Oops. Crooked carrots will still taste good, though, right?

My "herb" mixture is coming up well. It's all sorts of chives and basil an such.

Only one of my peas sprouted. I'm debating growing another one. It was so cool to watch it pop up. For awhile it looked like Seymour from Little Shop of Horrors. I was actually concerned that I had done something wrong when the peapod part (at the bottom) started popping out from the soil; I thought I'd planted it too shallowly. Unfortunately, I also noticed that one of my cats ate the first leaves to pop up. I think I need to find a way to protect them from not just the outdoor vegetation theives but the indoor ones, too!

With the weather still wet and chilly here, I haven't put them outside yet (thanks to those who explained what hardening means). Once we get into the 60s in the day, I'll start putting them out during the day.

My next step is to thoroughly weed the patch that will be the garden. It was somewhat clean, but all the rain we've gotten has sprouted everything you could possibly imagine there. At least the soil is soft, right?

What else should I be doing?

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Wanted: Gardening Advice

I've always wanted to have a garden. I love the idea of it. The thought of just stepping outside and having fresh veggies that I know haven't been sprayed with who knows what or traveled how far or cost I don't even want to know... it's so appealing to me.

But I've never actually succeeded.

Three years ago (four?) I had an area in my backyard created to be my garden, but other than keeping it relatively free of weeds and successfully growing chives gone wild, it hasn't amounted to much. Every year, I say I want to do it, but the time gets away from me.

This year is going to be different. This year, I'm finally home full time and not working, so I don't have the excuse of not being able to keep up with weeds or to water. I can clear the ground of weeds and prepare it before it's too late to grow anything.

Besides, you should see the seed collection I have in my garage from past good intentions.

So I gathered up my egg and strawberry and blueberry containers. I bought new potting soil. I went through the seeds with the wee ones who thing this is the coolest idea ever and wanted to help me decide what to grow. Together, we put the seeds into the soil, as directed on the packages. We covered them gently and watered.

Altogether, we have French beans, kohlrabi, carrots (oops, learned just now I'm supposed to only sow those in their final spot to keep the roots from being crooked), peas, green beans, spinach, basil, parsley, cilantro, tomatoes, and roma tomatoes.

I'm worse than a new mother. I'm determined that my little greenhouses will sprout the best little veggies and herbs (and fruit, ahem tomatoes, I'm not forgetting you!) possible. I'm monitoring the soil level at least once a day, and I have checked the dirt to see if anything is sprouting more times than I can count.

Plus, I want to make sure they get plenty of sun. So I'm ahhhh moving them around my house. In the morning, I open the blinds on the east side of my house and set them in the sun. I shift them over a bit as the sun moves. Then I move them to the south side of my house to get the late morning/early afternoon sun. By 1:30, they're on the west side of the house soaking up the rays there, being shifted every hour or so to ensure they remain centered in the peak of the sun.

I've even taken them for an outing on the deck the two beautiful, warm, sunny days we had. Just for a few hours though - I wouldn't want the wind to damage them at all....

I'm insane.

Worst part? I've yet to prepare the ground, although it's currently 42 degrees and snow is forecast for Saturday. I have some time yet. I've bought new topsoil in addition to the Miracle Grow potting soil to mix with my current soil. But I'll get there.

Oh and umm, I don't know what to do next. How do I transplant seedlings? Do I really have to kill some of them to thin them out, or can I move them to other containers to continue growing? How big do they have to be before I move them? How warm does it have to be? How big do the holes have to be when I move them? Do I have to keep watering them when they're outside and the rain helps? Do I fertilize them once they're outside? How do I make my little babies thrive and be the best yummy carrots and tomatoes they can possibly be when they grow up?

I wasn't like this when the wee ones were born. I swear. So ummm, anyone have any gardening tips? Or better yet, want to come over to help me?

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How NOT To Travel Over The Holidays

We are home and safe, and in the end, we eventually had fun. That's what I need to focus on. But I'm not quite there yet. Plus, I wouldn't want anyone else to have the joy I experienced; I'd rather people learn from my (husband's) mistakes and avoid some of our disaster.

Top Things I Learned Over Break:

1) Do not let your husband make the travel arrangements. Or at least not my husband. While I have been known to be ummm frugal, there are limits to it. And why did we do this? It wouldn't have anything to do with my husband forgetting to make flight reservations, nope not that! We ended up flying out of Milwaukee instead of Chicago because it was cheaper. While Milwaukee isn't that much more of a drive, it leads to the next point.

2) Do not travel on connecting flights. The more connecting flights you have, the more potential for problems, especially in winter. And over the holidays. Ditto ten times over for connections where the second airline isn't the same as the first - which ours wasn't... to start.

3) Do not take the last flight of the evening. Aside from the obvious issues of tired and cranky children (and possibly parents), if there are any issues with your flight - like ohhhh say United being unable to find a gate for a flight for almost 50 minutes - and your connection takes off while you are still waiting for a gate, there are no options to get to your destination that day.

4) When rebooking your flight with the customer service agents, check the weather for destinations you weren't originally intending to go but are now being told you will go. Our direct flight from Chicago to Orlando turned into a connection in DC and a switch over from United to Delta. Had I not been so exhausted, I would have checked the weather in DC and discovered that Delta had already canceled all their flights for the current day because of weather that was supposed to get worse the day we were flying and refused to go there.

5) Don't simply show up at the airport the next day to see if there are any standby flights available, call the airline to check that night once you get to your airline paid for hotel room. We showed up at 5:15am for our 7:05 flight to DC. We went through security and asked Customer Service to check flights for us again. It turns out that there was a United Flight at 6am to Cleveland (where there was NOT weather) that would have gotten us to Orlando by 11:30am that had plenty of open seats. The customer service agent the night before had somehow overlooked that flight. Except it was now 5:45 and the doors were closing. There was no physical way for us to get to the gate in time to make the flight. To say I was unhappy was putting it mildly.

6) If upon arriving at your temporary destination, your new carrier has canceled all flights, don't wait in the super long line there. Instead, go talk to the folks at your original carrier. Delta's flight to Orlando was canceled by the time we arrived in DC. And that wasn't their only canceled flight. The line was hours long. I scooted over to United where there were two people ahead of me and had a nice chat with the agent there. The bad news? Although it was Sunday at 10am, there was no flight available on any carrier to get us to Orlando until Tuesday. Tuesday. It didn't matter if we were willing to go to San Francisco to fly to Orlando, there was nothing available. Zip. The galling part? Although we had asked for a direct flight (as we'd originally had) from Chicago to Orlando when being rebooked initially and United had sent us to DC instead - where flights had already been canceled and there was more weather scheduled - because this was now a weather related delay, we were on our own for finding and paying for a hotel for the next two nights. Ahhhh, no. That's not ok.

7) If your flight is being rebooked due to a missed connections, do your best to get your checked luggage back. We had our carry on luggage only, as our checked baggage was sent from Chicago to Orlando on the direct flight at 6:48 Sunday morning - a flight where there was room for our bags but sadly not us. And in DC, there was no hope to get our bags back. Although we'd be stuck in DC for an additional two days, United could not - or rather would not - get our bags to DC so that we could have a change of clothes or any of our belongings. And again... since it's a weather related delay now, there was no compensation for lost bags, meals, hotel, or anything. This was a big problem because of the next issue.

8) Make sure you always pack what you need in your carry on. I've followed this rule for years. I always have a change of clothes and other necessities in my carry on. Increasing restrictions over the years have made this more of a challenge, but I always focus on it. My husband learned this lesson the hard way. He didn't have necessities packed. And for some unknown reason, he took Little Miss's pull ups out of her carry on and put them into checked bags. Three days with no pull ups for her. Night one she somehow managed to stay dry. Night two, not so much. And United simply told us to head to the nearest store. In a strange city. Where we had no car. On our way to a hotel we were paying for on our own. Or not.

9) When desperate enough, rent a car to drive where you're going - but call to make a reservation first. I'd done that before when working in consulting in Detroit. Detroit more than once canceled the flights back to Chicago that we were on. Rather than be stuck in Detroit for another night, twice I rented a car and drove back to Chicago - once running into some co-workers in the rental car office who were trying to do the same thing only to discover that there were no cars available. I had called the rental car office as soon as I realized the situation and - as it turns out - had gotten the very last car once. I called again this time and was initially told all cars were gone before they finally found one for me. While it's more expensive to rent in one location and return in another, it isn't always - and this was one of those situations where it was worth it. We'll ignore the very nearly wiping out the car on a patch of ice in North Carolina while trying to slow down for a wreck ahead (thank you years of driving in Minnesota!) and the sixteen hours it took us to drive in favor of arriving in Orlando almost a full day before United was going to be able to get us there.

10) If you change your itinerary due to unforeseen circumstances, make sure you inform the airline. This is where being a consultant came in handy again. Because we chose not to fly the last leg of our flight down, I contacted United to let them know that we were not canceling the remainder of our itinerary and absolutely were planning to still fly home on Saturday. Had I not done so before the scheduled flight on Tuesday morning, our entire reservation would have been canceled, and we would have had to buy last minute tickets to fly home - not how I would want to end my vacation. Fortunately, this was not an issue.

And lastly...

11) Keep everyone informed of your status. We had a car rental reservation in Orlando that expected us to show up Saturday evening. Ditto with a hotel reservation. As I learned that we'd be delayed, I called both the car company and hotel to let them know that we were still planning to use the reservation but had been unavoidably delayed and to not release our reservation. While the rental car wouldn't be so big a deal - finding a car wouldn't be the biggest deal, although I'd lose out on the coupons I'd found and used - arriving at our hotel only to find that there was no room at the inn for us would have been the disaster that put me over the edge.

As I was, I felt rather like we were in National Lampoon's Vacation - less the grandmother tied to the roof or, thankfully, Wally World being closed once we arrived, but this is not a trip I'd wish on anyone. We lost days off our not quite seven day vacation and added some significant and unexpected expenses to it, not to mention we were all absolutely exhausted after multiple nights of very little sleep. All because United couldn't clear a gate at O'Hare for us and then did a poor job rebooking us; yeah, they'll be hearing from me.

On the plus side, we had a blast while we were there, albeit a much shorter blast with fewer days at Disney because we needed to rest. We didn't let our "adventure" getting to our vacation ruin it for us - although poor Mister Man (that whole Asperger's thing rearing its ugly head) very nearly did. I'll share my creative and surprisingly effective solution to that in another post.

But this? This was the last time we're traveling over the holidays. And here's hoping you can use some of what I learned to prevent misery when you travel.

A Little Friendly Advice

Dear Little Miss,
Drink your rice milk. Seriously, just drink it. It's one of the few calcium sources you can have, and this isn't negotiable with Mommy and Daddy. We know you like it, and it's important for your long term health. It isn't worth making Daddy mad. Or not getting to play because you're still sitting at the table. Please just drink it.
Love you,
Mommy

***

Dear Me,
Sometimes you're really stupid, you know that? Like this morning when you hyperextended your thumb putting on your jeans? I'm not really sure how people do that, but it's a pretty special talent. Just do me a favor and learn to do math. Do you realize that for the past few months you've been telling people who ask that you're a year older than you actually are? Who does that? Only people under age twenty try to add a year.
kthxbai,
Me

***

Dear Mister Man,
You're almost six. You need to learn to keep your hands to yourself. The teacher telling me that she had to talk to you about not pulling on someone's shirt is not a good way to start off the school year. I know you know what is and isn't ok. I know it's really hard when other kids are telling you to do something, but you're a smart kid and you need to learn to be strong, too. Someday, you'll thank me. And you'll be a happier person for it.
Love you,
Mommy

PS I am really proud of how well you're doing during class and how hard you're trying with everything you're being taught.

***

Dear Husband,
When we buy ice cream - which isn't that often - make sure you give me at least a taste before you eat the entire carton. You may think it's funny like a bad sitcom that you offer to get me a bowl of ice cream and I ask for just a smidge of the kind you've managed to eat all of, but it's really not. All you need to do is offer. I may decline, but do me the favor of at least offering.
Love you,
Michelle

***

Dear People-Who-Park-In-A-Handicapped-Spot-Because-They're-Only-Going-To-Be-There-For-A-Few-Minutes-And-It's-The-Closest-Parking-Spot,
I know you're in a hurry to pick up your kids. I know you won't be long. But it's illegal. And at the special needs preschool, I know this will come as a shock, we actually have students who need their parents to park there and have the appropriate permits. And can't because you're hogging them. And it's really not the message I think you want to be imparting to your own kids. Plus, it's kind of hard to always remember to shush the wee ones in time to prevent them from shouting to the world about how rude the illegal parkers are.
kthxbai,
Michelle

***

Dear Boss,
It is just plain rude to regularly blow off scheduled meetings with your direct reports with little or no notice. And to not reschedule them. And to fail to deliver a midyear review in the required timeframe. This will come back to bite you. Soon.
kthxbai,
Michelle

***

Dear Private School,
Ugh. I just finished writing down all the days that Mister Man is off school this year. And the ones that Little Miss -- and the rest of our district -- are off. Do you realize how many days I have one child home with me and only one? This is going to make things really interesting when it comes to finding childcare. I'm almost afraid to look to see when spring break is. What's the likelihood that you could look into following the school district's calendar next year? I'm fine with you starting the school year a little early and ending a little late, but the non-school days during the year are really causing me some headaches. And I'm sure I'm not alone.
kthxbai,
Michelle

***

Dear IDOT,
Have you lost your minds? I mean, really. Have you FREAKING lost your minds? In what part of your miniscule pea brain did it make sense to do major road repaving on the four major arteries in my area? And to start it the week that school started? I literally cannot turn out of my neighborhood in the morning to get Mister Man to school -- on a non-construction road, mind you -- because the two lane road is so backed with that many people who gave up on the completely torn up in the middle of rush hour four lane roads. It isn't like these roads were in that bad of shape to begin with. I know there is stimulous money to be had, but is it possible to spend it intelligently? Or to plan it using half a second's forethought?
kthxbai,
Michelle

So what advice do you have to give?

A Word Of Advice

We all know that Mommy needs her sleep. I've discovered that my wee ones need their sleep, too. Not everyone believes me (MOM), but they need far more sleep than you would expect. Can they function on less sleep? Absolutely! Can I walk into a room and immediately tell by their behavior if they're well-rested or not?

I was at a friend's house for a meeting the other night. At 9pm, her five year old daughter walked into the room -- not in her pjs -- to get a kiss from her mom. My friend laughed and played it off "oh we just can't get them into bed!" Really? At least for me, I've found putting them into bed, shutting the door and then walking away seems to work.

Maybe it's because I've been a big believer in sleep since the wee ones were little, it's easier for me. I have friends who bemoan (how seriously, I can't tell since they do nothing about it) that their kids can't fall asleep unless they're in the parents' bed and it's 10:30 or later. I always have to school my face to keep it neutral. Mister Man may occasionally be "awake" at 10:30, but that's only when he gets up to go potty in the middle of the night, and most of the time I don't think he's actually fully awake.

I did once have trouble with Little Miss, though. I'll readily admit that. I could tell she was tired -- she has these lovely little creases that appear under her eyes the second she's ready for bed -- but she was getting up before 5am and had given up her afternoon nap. At 18 months.

Needless to say, this mommy doesn't function on that little sleep, and it was showing. Someone -- and I forget who this blessed person was -- gave me the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I read it and was an immediate convert.

Little Miss luckily returned to her two naps a day and long nights of sleep shortly thereafter. To this day -- and she turns four on August 1 -- she'll sleep twelve to thirteen hours a night and take up to a three hour nap. Granted, she never stops moving when she's awake, but she's a great sleeper.

Even Mister Man will take naps periodically, and he's also a thirteen hour a night sleeper -- or more sometimes. But my mom... oh my mom refuses to believe it. She told Little Miss that she doesn't need to nap anymore. And so Little Miss doesn't nap whenever Grandma is around.

My mom also doesn't believe that they should be to bed by 6:30. Instead -- after no nap -- they're up until after 8. And she's surprised when they wake up before 6am. She insists that means they must not be tired and refuses to believe a word I say. (And yes, this does factor into my desire to stop working. The lack of respect my parents have for my parenting and the amount of time my working means they spend with the wee ones is an issue.)

I picked up the Little Miss on Tuesday at 10am after we'd gotten back from Vegas. My parents had so generously volunteered to watch the wee ones for the four days we were gone. Little Miss almost fell asleep in the car. At 10am. Ditto with Mister Man when I picked him up from summer school at noon. Yikes.

What I've learned is that kids need more sleep than you expect them to. If they wake up early, so often it's because they're overtired (not always -- but in my case, it absolutely is). When they're well-rested and they stir, they are able to fall back asleep. However, when they're overtired, the slightest stir means they're up for good because they're too tired to sleep. Don't tell me you haven't been in the same situation!

My friends look at me askance when I say I have to leave somewhere early or that we can't make a party because it's past the wee ones' bedtime. They can't believe it, but it works for us. Ironically, a woman from Mister Man's elementary school called a few weeks ago, and I mentioned that I had time because the wee ones were in bed. She laughed and asked if they were Weissbluth babies. I was surprised that she said that, as Dr. Marc Weissbluth is the author of the aforementioned book. Apparently his devotees are easy to spot.

If only my mom could listen. Then again, my parents are also the ones who refuse to believe that Little Miss has a dairy allergy. It's only under duress that they keep dairy away from her.

Ironically, the first baby shower I ever went to asked all of us to come with a notecard filled with our best parenting advice. I remember that I wrote "No" is no a four letter word as my advice. It definitely isn't a bad one, and I stick to that one, as well. If only I'd known then what I know now....

So what is your favorite bit of unsolicited parenting advice?



PS the answers to the pop quiz are up now!

To Pee Or Not To Pee...

Little Miss is quite the independent little cuss. Mister Man, in many ways, was so easy. His personality wants to please others and be a good and helpful child. When he was a baby, he wasn’t colicky and he wasn’t a crier. In general, he has a sunny disposition and goes along with what those in authority tell him.

I don’t want to paint Little Miss as a bad child in anyway, but her personality is very different. She does want to be a helper and is very good about helping me do laundry and putting her dishes in the right spot in the dishwasher after meals. But she wants to do things for herself, and she is loathe to accept help no matter how difficult the task.

Good luck putting her to bed if you try lifting her into the bed versus letting her climb in by herself. Don’t even think about helping her feed herself or put pants on or buckle her carseat or anything that she gets into her mind she can do. And woe is the person who makes that mistake.

I will say that I’ve put my foot down on something that has already been done. If something has already been done, she may not undo it to redo it herself. She does accept this now – but only from me.

With this in mind, I thought about how to potty train my little angel. I knew that I would have to make potty training her idea. There would have to be something that she wanted rather than something I was wanting her to do.

I talked about how Mister Man gets to go to swimming lessons because he is potty trained. I discussed how other children in her preschool class use the potty. We chatted about how next year’s preschool won’t let her go to school unless she’s potty trained. I showed her the big girl underwear that Grandma had bought her. We went to Costco and drove by the Pull-Ups aisle where she decided she wanted to get princess Pull-Ups. I also told her that once she’s potty trained, she won’t have ouchies on her bottom anymore – the poor girl gets diaper rash in the blink on an eye, and it’s so hard to get rid of.

When she was in Florida, after I’d bought the Pull-Ups but before we’d started using them, she started using the potty. My mom started keeping her just in Lil’ Swimmers, which I thought was quite brave, and she kept them mostly dry.

When she got back, I told her that she could start wearing Pull-Ups if she kept her diaper dry for two consecutive days. She did it, and we moved into Pull-Ups. She did a great job, and I told her that she would get to wear big girl underwear when she kept her Pull-Ups dry for four days.

She did great. She told me when she had to go potty, and if she mentioned that she was keeping her Pull-up dry, I knew that meant that she needed to get to the potty soon. And it was fully dry and clean. Monday was good, with one small accident at daycare. Tuesday was dry all day long – including telling me when she had to go when we were in the library. Wednesday was pretty good until someone at daycare put her into a diaper instead of a Pull-up and it was soaking wet when I got her home. Thursday my parents watch her, and she had accidents of the wet and dry variety multiple times.

Uh-oh. By the time I got her back on Friday, she was no longer keeping herself dry, so we moved back to diapers since she obviously wasn’t ready. Now, she understands that she can’t wear Pull-ups until she keeps her diaper dry for two days. But she only goes on the potty sometimes. If we go out to eat, she’ll go two or three times during the meal. But tonight she did that, and when we got home she had poop in her diaper. I changed her, and immediately there was more poop. Argh!

With Mister Man, he did great until he had six accidents in one day – pressure on himself, I’m convinced – and we moved him to diapers and didn’t mention the word potty for a month. He was trained within two days when we brought it up again.

With Little Miss, it isn’t about the pressure though. It’s almost like she doesn’t care, and I’m not sure where I go from here. If she doesn’t want to be potty trained yet, that’s fine and I won’t push her, but she talks about wanting to be potty trained. And then she won’t tell me when she has to go. And come September, she must be potty trained to go to preschool although I know that’s three months away.

In the meantime, I’m stumped. Do I quit trying for right now and buy more size 3 diapers (yes, she’s only 26 pounds although she’s really tall so anything bigger leaks because she’s not round enough)? Do I put her in dresses and underwear once summer finally arrives and keep her outside until she figures it out? Do I put her in Pull-ups and grit my teeth? Help!