Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Advise Me

I am a smart and worthwhile person. I deserve respect.

I am a smart and worthwhile person. I deserve respect.

I am a smart and worthwhile person. I deserve respect.

If I keep repeating that over and over again, do you think it will magically appear? Me neither.


My boss is driving me batty. I was working from home today. After a meeting, he called me. Of cousrse, this was during the two minutes I was up to get a drink, and I missed him. I called him back within two minutes. First I called the desk he sits at that he isn't supposed to sit at because it's an SVP desk and, like me, he's a VP. No answer. I tried his real desk which he forwards to the other desk and left him a message there.

I never heard back from him. At 5pm, I IMed him asking if he still wanted to chat. My husband came home sick around 4:15 and was upstairs in bed, and my dad needed to get home to a meeting for his neighborhood soon. Five minutes later, he IMed me back and asked if I was still there. I responded in the affirmative, and my phone rang a few seconds later.

He asked me a question about a meeting that I'd scheduled for next week when I'm on vacation and I answered it. He asked me to give him two minutes, and he'd call me back.

At 5:22, I IMed him and asked if he could call me sooner rather than later, explaining about my husband and dad and needing to feed my wee ones.

No response.

My dad left, and the wee ones played nicely in the basement. I took my laptop downstairs to inform them that I was making dinner and in three minutes they needed to come upstairs to eat (can you say "leftovers"?). I then fed them.

At 5:52, my boss IMed me and said he'd talk to me tomorrow.

Dude, you said you needed to talk to me immediately. I called you back. You called me and asked for two minutes. I IMed you twenty minutes later explaining my situation. Almost forty minutes later, you IM me saying you'll talk to me tomorrow and that's it?

Ironically enough, he did call me thirty seconds after that to fill me in on the two things he wanted to talk to me about tomorrow. He apologized for not seeing my IM, but not for the rest of it.

I've had conversations with him before about how he needs to respect me and my time better. This is by far not the first time that he's blown me off, and I've explained that when I'm working from home and have two wee ones and it's past 5pm, I'll work when needed. However, having me dangling and then just deciding you don't have time is not ok.

And he keeps doing it. When I'm in the office and we have 1:1 meetings scheduled, he'll call me ten minutes before the meeting to tell me he hasn't eaten yet and needs to get lunch and we'll skip our meeting. Or I'll call him five minutes into our scheduled meeting to find out where he is only to discover that he's in a different meeting and is completely blowing me off.

Apparently explaining kindly that he needs to respect my time doesn't cut it. Remember, this is the same boss who gave me the highest rating possible at my interim then ended the "review" session that lasted all of two minutes that I should know that even though I got the highest rating, it isn't guaranteed at the end of the year and that I shouldn't slack. It took all my effort not to reach through the phone and strangle him.

How exactly do you handle a boss who absolutely does not get it?

As a side note, I work three days a week. Two of those days, I work from home. I have an interesting job that has responsibility and makes me use my head and pays pretty well. Oh, and I now have a direct report. I can't recreate this job elsewhere, which would otherwise be my first inclination.


justme October 15, 2008 at 7:57 PM  

my last boss who i had for a long time was a nut job and i swear she could care less about anyone else's schedule. she would expect you to stay late even if you had your mom's 50th surprise party, but if she had a fucking blind date she would leave at 2pm and you all had to just deal.

MaBunny October 15, 2008 at 8:37 PM  

Wow, your boss does sound like he thinks the planet revolves around him and his needs ONLY! Pretty sad, if you ask me. If he is so inconsiderate of your time, you can bet your bottom dollar he doesn't respect anyone elses either.
Hope the sick hubby feels better soon:)

Anonymous October 15, 2008 at 9:01 PM  


You ARE a smart are worthwhile person and you DO deserve respect!!

And don't you forget it . . . even when you have a bad day - actually, especially when you have a bad day!

Our family lived in Illinois for about three years - we loved it! We lived in Southern Illinois, in a little town called Shiloh. It was just outside Scott AFB. Ahhhh - I miss the four seasons we had when we lived there!

Thanks for stopping by today.

And don't forget - you ARE a smart and worthwhile person! And you DO deserve respect!!

Outnumbered2to1 October 15, 2008 at 9:32 PM  

Yikes. I wish I had advice for you but being a people pleaser I'd probably offer to finish whatever he was doing so we could talk sooner. But I'm neurotic that way and just want to be liked ;)

Alicia @ Oh2122 October 15, 2008 at 10:24 PM  

Blech. People like that drive me nuts.

I once heard (read) a phrase somewhere online- "he needs a whack with a clue-by-four."

Thanks for visiting my corner of the blogosphere on the MA BATW day!

Melisa Wells October 15, 2008 at 10:28 PM  

How do I handle it? I cry alot. :(

It is really, really hard to deal with somebody who doesn't put the respect out there. If he's anything like my boss, he might throw the flexibility you have by being able to work at home in your face if you call this issue to his attention. Not that you shouldn't. But I'm probably the wrong person to give any advice. Just wanted to throw some support your way and tell ya you're not alone! ;)

WheresMyAngels October 15, 2008 at 10:58 PM  

Very frustrating since you have already explained it to him. I'm not sure how much more you can do, since you have already talked about it. My staff call me all the time, and unfortunately I have let them get away with it. I should of never let them have my cell phone number and just let them have had the pager number, as they wouldn't be so quick to use it. Good luck with it.

Kellan October 15, 2008 at 11:38 PM  

I'm sorry he's not "hearing" you! Some people just do what they want - you know!? I hope you work it out and maybe he will get it eventually. Say something again, if you feel you need to.

Take care - Kellan

Lex the mom October 16, 2008 at 12:35 AM  

I have no clue as to any advice. I've been out of the workforce for in excess of 13 years. (Yes, the freaks me out just as badly, now that I said it).

I am, or I used to be, a people pleaser. It's a shame he doesn't listen to you - I know he expects respect from you. He sounds like a typical man & what you say goes in one ear & out the other. Throw in the word boobies - maybe he'll hear you? I'm sorry I have nothing to offer. The reason is listed just above.

I do hope that it doesn't have to be resolved with anger, but it wouldn't be too much longer dealing with it that I would get really angry with him, unless you already are. It sounds like you've done well to get your point across.

KatBouska October 16, 2008 at 12:45 AM're definitely being disrespected. Unfortunately it sounds like you're in the position where you just have to suck it up. You've already told him...what it you were completely unavailable after five. Is that an option?

Thanks for reminding me why I like to be self employed. :)

ps Mr. Linky is up now if you want to post tomorrows a little early and link up!! Otherwise I'll try to remember tomorrow and link you up myself. No reason for all that creative energy to go unnoticed. ;)

Karen October 16, 2008 at 8:01 AM  

I'm sorry. I have no advice either. But I am the type that would just get so hacked I'd end up telling him exactly the way things are and then end up losing my job. That's probably not your best option.

Irene October 17, 2008 at 1:58 PM  

Sorry I don't have any advice, but wanted to tell you how sorry I am. Bad bosses suck. BIG time.

I have had a few bad bosses, one of whom was really bad, REALLY bad. But I was lucky, in a way, because I worked in those placed before I had kids and all the responsibility and heartstring ties that go with it. These bosses expected me to come in early, stay late, and come in on weekends, even IF you really don't need to. Even if it really was ONLY face time. (God I hated that.) They would also suddenly decide to hold a non-urgent meeting after 5, while I would be getting ready to leave, without any regards to whether you need to be somewhere. I hated that. I would have plans with my hubby, only to find I would be much later than expected for really no good reason. I can't even imagine having to deal with such bosses when you have kids. I probably would be much more of a rebel. And I probably would have been fired. Oh well!

Take care, and I really hope you are able to amically and easily resolve this.

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