It's One Of Those Days....

There are days when I am full of life and ready to go out and conquer the world. My to do list doesn't hold me back and amazingly shrinks as the day goes on. I love those days.

Then there are the days where I look at what I need to do and just groan. I start a project, only to find that it takes me many times longer than it "should" take - if it gets completed at all. Mentally, I'm dragging, and frequently physically I am, too.

Those are the days I hate, but I know they happen - and I've come to learn I don't always have control over them. Sometimes they're the days when it's been too long since I've seen the sun in Chicago. Sometimes it's because I've committed myself to too many things and I'm paralyzed trying to figure out what needs to be at the top of the list. And sometimes, I'm just physically exhausted.

Today is one of those physically exhausted days. I volunteered to help at Mister Man's Field Days for his school. It was a hot and sticky, very sunny day in the mid-nineties. And I was outside, trekking from station to station as the official photographer, for almost five hours.

By the time I got home with Mister Man, I was done. Yet I still had to empty the dishwasher. I had to make him a substantial snack before his OT and get him there on time. I had to run to the store to get some critical items I'd forgotten on Saturday while he was at his OT. And I had to figure out dinner, feed the wee ones by myself, and get them into bed - once I'd unpacked their backpacks and ensured that all critical items had been addressed.

By the time I finished cleaning up the kitchen and putting everything else in the house away, it was after 8pm. And I have a post due for the From Left to Write book club. I haven't posted since last Thursday, and I'd really, really like to just take a book upstairs and go to bed. I know my limitations, but I also know my commitments, and I'm not going to simply blow them off - fun as that might be.

Is this the best post I've ever written? Absolutely not. Is it where I'm at right now? Yep, and I know I'm not the only one. And most importantly - this post is perfectly inspired by the book The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating. That's what counts. Tomorrow will be a better day though. It always is. And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm taking my book up to bed with me.

Win a Kung Fu Panda 2 Prize Pack here
Win a $50 Wal-Mart gift card and a Cooking Matters gift bag here
Win a $100 gift card to Lands End here

In the interest of full disclosure, I received a copy of "The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating" for purposes of writing this post for the From Left to Write book club where we write posts inspired by books rather than traditional reviews. All opinions expressed are my own, and I received no compensation.

As an aside, would I recommend this one? Probably not. It really didn't speak to me and was difficult to push through to the end.

Summer... A Time For Relaxation?

I love summer. The long, lazy days of summer where we can put together playdates and hang out at the pool and just do whatever we want. The unofficial start of summer arrived this week with Memorial Day, and next week is the end of the school year for the wee ones.

Orrrrr not. The wee ones have so much they want to do, and I want to be sure we have time for those spontaneous trips out to Galena to go blueberry picking (fun!) or to hang out at the pool with our friends or whatever we decide we want to do. It ends up being a balancing act, and I don't think the wee ones get it.

I finally decided to show the wee ones visually what they were committing to, so I wrote out a calendar on our whiteboard in the homework room. When I was done, it even blew me away.

There are some things that aren't negotiable. The wee ones are signed up for summer school and really want to do it - and I want them to do it. Mister Man has to do his OT once a week. Little Miss "has" to do Safety Town and Twilight Camp. Mister Man is committed to Tae Kwon Do (and just got his last stripe for his green belt so now we're awaiting testing for him to promote to his red belt, whoo hoo!). Little Miss loves gymnastics. And both really, really want to take swim lessons to get better.

Uh-huh.

When they saw this, they both freaked out. Theater camp was immediately canceled, freeing up three hours five days a week for three weeks - plus the performance. Mister Man I think may give up his chess camp, although that's still up in the air. And they stopped asking to add more activities, fortunately.

Since I did that, Little Miss got asked to join the "preteam" for gymnastics, which is a twice a week for an hour an a half at a time commitment - that she wants to do. And we're still trying to juggle to find a time with the OT that works for both her and us, as her original option was immediately preceding TKD, and I don't see that going well.

I know this is my fault, but holy cow, how does this happen? I still haven't signed up for swim lessons for them and those may be full now. And Little Miss's school strongly requests that they complete a math workbook and read a book every day of summer vacation.

We're continuing to pare away at the activities, but ... I suppose so long as everyone is happy, it's all good, right? It just amazes me how quickly everything adds up! I need some more days like August 5, 12, and 17 where we have nothing scheduled. After all, I still don't have anything about blueberry picking on there!

Win a Kung Fu Panda 2 Prize Pack here
Win a $50 Wal-Mart gift card and a Cooking Matters gift bag here
Win a $100 gift card to Lands End here

The Son-Rise Program

This is yet another of the speakers from Autism One who truly inspired me. And again... so much of what he had to say applies to all children, not just those who are on the autism spectrum. Who can't use a little more love and empathy?

Raun Kaufman is an amazing story, and one I hadn't heard before. He was diagnosed as severely autistic at the age of 2, with no verbalization and so many of the classic symptoms. His parents were - as so many were and still are - told to institutionalize him because it was hopeless, they refused. Instead, they kept him at home and began a program that was based on the idea that Raun engaged in his behaviors for a reason that made sense to him. They focused solely on the social aspects of his life, not trying to force neurotypical behaviors on him (as I do with Mister Man all the time!) but instead on creating empathy by engaging in those behaviors with him and building a relationship that way.

The result today is an incredibly charismatic man. In fact, he told his entire life story before admitting that it was about him, and I would never have guessed otherwise. Let's just say that I can see why NBC made a movie about Raun Kaufman back in the 1980s.

He started off with a truth that most parents of special needs children don't really thinkg about. "It’s not the diagnosis that’s so devastating. It’s the prognosis. He’s never going to X is what we’ve been told about our children," he explains. And maybe that's why Mister Man getting an official diagnosis last year wasn't so devastating to me. I'd already come to terms with so much, the diagnosis was just an official label; it changed nothing about him. I'm lucky that way, but I also had five years of knowing there was "something" before the diagnosis came.

His parents - with no medical or therapeutic background - developed the Son-Rise Program where they worked with their child for three or so years in an effort to really reach their son rather than try to modify his behaviors or try to get him to stop doing something. There were things they did that was different. They began with the possibility that their child had limitless growth, and how brilliant but yet so simple is that? I think about how often the wee ones surprise me by the things they can do if I just let them try.

Raun's parents joined him in his world instead of making him join in theirs. They worked on their own attitudes and emotions to best be there for him and focused on their emotional growth to connect and relate with people. Did I mention that Raun graduated from Brown with a degree in biomedical ethics? None of this was supposed to be in the cards for him, and it simply shows what our children are capable of. Raun's caveat was, "This doesn’t mean that any child who does any program is going to turn out with such great results, but when you don’t let people decide in advance what they’re capable of, then they can go as far as they can go."

He also made an excellent point on our priorities. "We’re so busy trying to catch our kids up and fix problems that we don’t focus on the child that we already have right now and really delight and enjoy in the quirkiness of our kids right now." That attitude is what enabled his mom to create the connection that made everything else possible.

His parents later founded the Autism Treatment Center of America in Sheffield Massachusetts based on their experience and this theory. Parents come from all over the world and take a program there and focus on learning what they need to know about the Son-Rise Program – without their children - then go home and can put it into practice. It’s a non-profit, which enables them to provide financial aid to parents. In fact, they gave out almost $1 million in scholarships last year.

The principles and techniques covered in the program include facilitating interation, eye contact, reactions v non-reactions, the "isms" and how to join, your child’s sensory environment, inspiring growth, training others, videos with real examples, Q&A sessions, using the social development model, creatively challenging your child, handling “real world” situations, and more. Somehow, it's all covered in the five days of learning there.

Everything is based on the idea that “The children show us the way in, and then we show them the way out. This sounds simple and maybe obvious, but the second half is where we focus – the first half is the challenge to actually do. Autism isn’t a behavioral disorder, it’s a social relational disorder," according to Raun. And that premise alone offers so much hope, doesn't it? I know I absolutely focus on the second half and not so much the first. Since I got home from Autism One, I've been trying to look more at the first part and focus then.

The focus on traditional programs is on changing the behavior, and that's what all Mister Man's therapies have been - and that's what I do on a daily basis, too. The focus of the Son-Rise Program is how to create the relationship; the behaviors then are just symptos. If we as parents address the relationship, we can change everything else much more easily.

The first strategy is about joining, which is participating in your child’s repetitive and exclusive behaviors. It's probably the most controversial of the strategies and completely counterintuitive to most people - including me. The people in the Son-Rise Program don’t try to stop the stimming behaviors but instead join in and participate in the behaviors with their children. Explains Raun, "If your child is flapping their hands, we do, too. Instead of saying 'enough about the trains' we become train freaks when they want to talk about trains. We have people who have trouble making relationships, but what we do most of the time is stamping out what they want to do. It's not creating a relationship but instead just making them do what we want them to do."

People are concerned that if you stim with them, you will reinforce the behavior - which is the logical way that I'd look at it. Raun provides a different perspective on it that makes perfect sense if you really thinkg about it. When Raun's parents joined in with this stimming - spinning plates and rocking, that’s the first time Raun even looked at them, smiled at them, and eventually created a relationship with them. "We’ve been doing this for 30 years and have never seen it reinforce or become more common. Instead, as they develop a relationship, the stimming decreases," claims Raun.

Raun has an explanation for this. As parents and therapists, we are currently - consistently - sending the message of: stop doing what you want, start doing what I want. When that’s the experience with our children day in and day out, they say no thanks. It’s not fun for them. Relationships form around a common interest or through reciprocity. We don’t generally do either of these with our autistic children (and really, how often do we not do it for our neurotypical kids, too?). By doing this, we can get a child to do a behavior we want them to do, but it just stamps out a symptom and doesn’t help them to develop relationships or to be interested in relationships. Huh.

Raun states quite clearly that if your child is stimming, he has a good reason for it. Either he is completely overloaded with sights, sounds, smells, etc. or they live in a world that seems really unpredictable to them. With this background, they feel that if they do things over and over again, they can create something predictable in a sea of unpredictability. If you think about it, they are actually behaving very normally in an abnormal world. It doesn’t help to just try to stamp this out.

Instead, Raun has a completely different focus. As children get a better with the relationship with you, that is the foundation for everything else and the basis for the relationships that they will then develop – and want to develop now – in the future.

If you have a child who is high functioning and very verbal, that doesn’t mean this doesn’t apply to you. This does even more so - and here's where I was even more encouraged about Mister Man, who is very high functioning (in first grade in Catholic school with no supports). If he talks about trains all the time, you want to listen all the time to it. You want to bring a book about trains and become a student of trains. In my case, I need to stop ignoring the talk about Star Wars and instead start to learn all the characters and what they do. Ditto with dinosaurs, even though I didn't like them even when I was a kid!

That said, you only join in with the stim. Per Raun, "That’s when he’s saying he can’t cope with the world we're all living in, and he goes into his own world." When he’s crying or wrestling or interacting with you in another way, that’s not stimming and not when you join in. There are other caveats with this, as well. Joining does not magically teach the child to not be autistic or teach language or anything else. It just helps get him interested in you and start to create a relationship.

The next strategy focuses on motivation. As Raun puts it, "This is the left hand if joining is the right hand. This is when you do want to teach your child new stuff. You only want to use this strategy when your child is not stimming. This is when they are looking at you, playing with something, etc. It is designed to match your child’s area of highest motivation. What your child loves is going to be the biggest factor in their growth. They will learn many times faster than if they are not interested in the motivator."

For children on the autism spectrum, traditional teaching is rarely motivating. They simply don't care about the rewards and motivations most others relate to. Then again, think of all the neurotypical kids who also aren't motivated by school, and this could be a huge help for them too, no? Your child might learn to count to 10 faster if he learns to count 10 dinosaurs versus counting 10 circles on a paper. Raun explains, "The timing is almost always wrong. An autistic child has no green lights in traditional learning environments. A red light is when they are in their own world and not ready. A green light is when they are looking at you, interested in you, engaging with you."

Raun strongly believes that focusing on the motivation has significant advantages over the “Reward Principle.” The reward principle is the most popular technique in autism treatment (and outside, too, no?). In it, you prompt your child to do a behavior, you get the behavior, and you provide the reward. You continue to prompt and reward your children until they can do it on their own without prompting. The problem with this, Raun shares, "is that the child becomes robotic about it, seems to do it in a rote way, and does it only for the reward. The problem is they want their children to want to do it and to do it with us. The behavior doesn’t have the meaning behind it."

He gives the example of the chidl who is taught the skill that “coat on” is that you hear this command, then you notice it's a coat and you understand you need to go put your coat on. What you really want to teach is the understanding of the concept rather than just learning the skill of putting a coat physically on. You want the child instead to generalize and recognize that it's cold and a coat might be needed and so to go in search of a coat to put it on. That's the difference. Raun shares that, "The same goes with teaching them to say thank you and understanding being grateful. It's not about getting robotic behavior – and when you do it with the right motivation, it happens faster. Parents want spontaneous self-generated communication and actions such that they will generalize the skills because they are excited about it and want to use it."

So how do you do this? Join your child until your child pays attention to you. Do it on their timeline, and it may take a few seconds or ten minutes or a half hour. It will vary constantly. Once your child looks at you, you will introduce something you know your child will like. You choose the motivator that your child will like in advance, already knowing what your child is interested in (wrestling, airplanes, chasing, Disney).

If they participate in that chosen activity of wrestling or playing airplanes or chasing or whathaveyou with you, enjoy it with them. If your child does not do it with you or they disconnect after a few seconds or minutes, go back to joining and start over. If they go with you, keep going for as long as they can. This way you are working with your child instead of against your child.

If you start with what your child is motivated by, this will generalize to other things, too – you don’t have to spend your whole life focusing on things that are their motivational items because really, do we want to carry around raisins or M&Ms trying to get our children to do something no matter where we are? Get your child excited about the motivation, then introduce the educational goal. It’s the opposite of what we usually do. Again, doesn't this seem a little counterintuitive that we give what seems like a reward before we make them do the work? Yet somehow, if they're excited about something and engaging with us, it makes sense that they'd want to learn to keep the motivation going, doesn't it?

In the third strategy, the focus becomes the socialization – and throughout this program, the social goals are placed before academic goals. As Raun explains, "Everybody loves teaching our kids reading and math and academic stuff, but keep in mind that this part of your child’s brain works great for many of them already. We want to work the part of the brain that is weak, not this part. Because so many of us have so much hopelessness, we don’t want to focus on the parts that are weak. Let’s work on the social piece because they are capable of so much. Then if they are behind in math, let’s get them caught up. The first order of business is getting a social child – we don’t want to lose focus on this." And that part makes complete sense. How else will we become well-rounded if we don't focus on the weak points?

The fourth strategy focuses on the Son-Rise Program's Developmental Model. There are four fundamentals of socialization. The first is eye contact and non-verbal communication, things like interactive eye contact, expression sharing, etc. The second is communication: from vocabulary and sentence length to conversation skills, etc. Third is the interactive attention span: the duration, the frequency – how long can they stay involved in a game with another person before they check out. If they can’t stay with a person for more than a minute, they can’t learn anything that takes more than a minute – and how many things do?! The fourth is flexibility – you want your child to go from rigidity and controlling to becoming flexible and spontaneous.

I love the example Raun gives on flexibility as a developmental stage. "A tantrum is a flexibility problem. If you get your child really flexible, they won’t have problems with meltdowns or rarely will have meltdowns," he explains. And I will say that as Mister Man has improved his functioning and is better able to relate to others and regulate himself, his "meltdowns" as we call them, have decreased dramatically.

And the fifth - and final - strategy keys on attitude. In Raun's mind, "This is the most overlooked aspect of autism treatment. What about us? We’re the ones who are with our children more than anyone else, and no one loves our children the way we do. No one has the same experience day in and day out with our children. If we are stressed out, that is going to be their experience with us. The child doesn’t know that we are stressed out for a good reason, so they simply get aggressive or check out. We need to get comfortable with our children when they are stimming, etc. It’s about not judging where our children are today while believing they can go anywhere tomorrow. Your child is very attuned to what everyone’s attitudes are." Wow. This is another of those truths I heard in this presentation that absolutely isn't just for the kids with autism. This is for every kid out there, no matter what.

Raun suggests that we notice the next time we’re stressed out and getting worked up about what our children are doing. We’re sending ourselves a message that they will never recover or it’s all my fault or they’re stimming again and GAH. Instead, he reminds us that we need to focus on different messages like "where they are today isn’t where they will be tomorrow" or "this isn’t my fault." He encourages us to spend a lot of time on this one. There are even studies that back this up – Case Western in 2005 that showed that parents or facilitators having a visible affect of acceptance, enjoyment, expressiveness, and warmth lead to significantly increased attention, etc.

Raun has a great message. "You’re the one who can believe when no one else believes. You’re the one who can see when no one else sees. And no one can take that away from you." That's the message I ned to remember, as hard as it is sometimes.

"Just be careful," Raun reminds us. "You are in a unique situation with your child. False hope is the belief that hoping for your child leads to a detrimental relationship. You keep believing in your child and keep having faith in your child, and no one can take that from you. Don’t apologize for it or let anyone destroy it." That's one of those quotes I need to print out and blow up to put on my fridge to remember daily!

For anyone who is interested, the Son-Rise Program has a startup in June and another in August, as well as one in September that they're adding. You can find out more about the Son-Rise Program on their website, which also has has webcasts, interviews with parents and children, and research available.

Win a Kung Fu Panda 2 Prize Pack here
Win a $50 Wal-Mart gift card and a Cooking Matters gift bag here
Win a $100 gift card to Lands End here

Wordless Wednesday - What Not To Wear!

Unfortunately, you can't tell that she has her t-shirt Daisy Duke tied in front because her arm is blocking it. That really completed the look. She did this on purpose. Or so I assume.

Seriously. Don't. Ever. Not on Memorial Day. Or Labor Day. Or the Fourth of July. Never. Yes, this was one of my neighbors, and no (as my husband asked), she isn't pregnant.

Win a $50 Wal-Mart gift card and a Cooking Matters gift bag here
Win a $100 gift card to Lands End here

Tasty Tuesday - Antioxidant Bark

Uh-oh. Bunco is in two hours, and I need something to bring that people will like that's relatively easy to do. Shockingly, I found a solution. And it was good. Of course, I had to replicate this to prove it wasn't a fluke, so I chose the fun of Memorial Day as my testing ground. Even more daunting? I was going to be bringing it to French Foodie Mom's house. Gulp.

I think it passed the test, though.

Plus, it's super easy. In the heat of yesterday, I literally used the sun to "cook" it. And the ingredients are absolutely flexible based on what you like or what you want. Somehow, there's still a little bit in my fridge, but not much! Oh, and did I mention you can totally pretend this is healthy for you? Yep.

Antioxidant Bark

8 oz dark chocolate (get the good stuff)
1/3 c raisins
1/3 c dried blueberries
1/3 c dried cherries
1/3 c flax seeds
(or coconut or dried strawberries or real nuts of all sorts or ... get creative!)

Directions:
(Boo to my camera for running out of batteries and then my camera phone mysteriously deleting the majority of the photos I took of this process. Oh well.)

In a double boiler, gently melt your chocolate. That means put a metal bowl on top of a pot with a couple inches of water. Heat the water to a boil and gently melt your chocolate, making sure no steam escapes into your chocolate or it will seize and get nasty. OR if it's summer, put your chopped chocolate into a bowl and put it on your back porch for 15 minutes. Literally. Mine was completely melted at that point - and yes, I once upon a time had pictures of it.

After removing the chocolate from whatever heat source you're using, add the dried fruits and flax seeds or whatever other ingredients you want. Stir gently until they're well combined.

Pour the mixture onto a sil pat or parchment paper - something flexible so you'll be able to remove it after it's hardened. Use a spatula to spread it into a thin layer, as a little of this goes a long way.

Place it into the fridge to harden for a half hour or so. Then remove it and break it into pieces. Try not to sneak too many for yourself before you serve them to others. You want to keep this cold, as it melts pretty readily!

Yum. Enjoy this and more with Tempt My Tummy Tuesday and Blessed with Grace!

Win a $100 gift card to Lands End here.

The Greatest Motivator

I am finally back from Autism One and beginning to put up posts from many of the speakers I attended while there. Not all the speakers and presentations I attended were focused on autism, however. In fact, many were definitely applicable to kids anywhere, and some sessions were just flat out applicable to life.

Sophie Uliano is a perfect example of this, as she spent her time talking about ways to go green. I have very few friends at this point who aren't interested in doing something greener than what they are today, and Sophie's presentation was a great example of how you can do it easily. She started off joking that she isn't one who lives in a yurt eating fermented foods all the time. She's a "real" woman and mom who doesn't have a ton of time - or money - and needs finds ways to do things differently.

She talked about how it's the little choices you make every day that add up over time. No one (ok, very few people) can do everything "perfectly" green, but you find what you're passionate about, and you move to make better decisions in that arena. Rather than focusing on global warming, climate change, and greenhouse gases - which seem so far away - find your own motivator. She doesn’t get up in the morning and think about polar bears drowning. She gets up and thinks about how she's going to pay her bills, how she's going to get my kids off to school, etc. That’s what she's connected t and what motivates her. The big picture polar bears is not necessarily a good gateway or motivator for a lot of people.

In her experience, most people are motivated to go green by one of four things: health, children, food, or beauty. Health comes up they were diagnosed with cancer, their child has huge allergies, etc. Children are a factor. Think about all the people who got pregnant and went wow! That's what changed things for them. Food is another big motivator. We all have to eat, and a lot of people begin caring because of this as they realize all the toxins and other issues with our food supply. When all else fails, some people start caring because they want to buy a lipstick and they realize all the toxins that are out there and want to be careful of what they put on their face.

When Sophie grew up, she was raised in an era of great frugality. Things were reused and recycled, they ate what was in the garden, etc. It was just common sense, not “going green” as a thing. Back then getting a new pair of shoes was a big deal. Today things are a whole lot more different, but yet it can still be that simple.

Sophie's take is that we need to wake up before it’s too late – not because there’s going to be a cataclysm and Manhattan is going to be under water – but before it’s going to be too late for you and your community and your family, before you have a health crisis. So many people then say “I wish I’d known five or ten years ago” Once we wake up, we need to wake up our friends and family. It’s not a “you’ve got to do this and you’ve got to do that and doom and gloom” but instead coming from a place of joy and love.

In her view, green living is a preventative healthcare. Every aspect of green living is related to health. Every day there are about 50 better decisions you can make. Women tend to be the decision-makers and are powerful. We can make a difference, and through social networking, we can become agents of change. If you become more aware of things like parabens and phthalates and BpA and the like, it’s a slow awakening, but we’re getting there.

One of the most important things we can do is to vote with our wallets. Every time we purchase something, we cast a vote for the kind of world we want to live in. It’s more than just wanting to recycle; we need to create the market for recycled goods, as well, so that more things are recycled.

Again, the focus is that small things add up. A lot of people think I’ve got to green my entire life, and it’s so overwhelming. I need solar panels and green all my food and it gets to be too much. It can be as simple as going to the store and saying that from now on I’m going to only buy organic milk. The cumulative effect of what we do is what makes the difference.

Every day we are exposed to a cocktail of toxins. Tryglyzan is a really bad toxin – really want to avoid it, and it’s in the antibacterial soaps. When it’s added to other chemicals and hot water is added, that’s when it becomes a hot carcinogen. When you think about it, our skin absorbs over 60% of what we put on it. Think of the nicotine patches or contraceptive patches - those medications are absorbed. So is everything else. Instead, you can use castile soaps with a few essential oils for shampoos and soaps and the like. It’s far easier than you think.

Phthalates are in hair spray, lotion, soap, shampoo, nail polish, fragrances (perfumes and the plug in air freshener stuff, etc), vinyl (shower curtains or toys), food packaging and plastic wrap, wood finishes, adhesives, detergents, and even medical devices. It’s a neurotoxin and an obesogen, interestingly. It’s what makes plastics soft.

So what can we do? Use glass storage containers for our food. Never buy meats, fish or veggies that have been wrapped in plastic – which is admittedly very hard to do. Instead, try to buy in paper or waxed paper. Avoid all skin care products with “fragrance” or “parfum” in the ingredient line (I found a really great line of cosmetics that I love that isn't expensive while at the conference by the way that fits this!). Avoid as much plastic in your home as possible – plastic toys, storage containers. Avoid using insecticides and pesticides in and around your home (again, great vendor that had all natural bug sprays that I am happy to recommend once we test it out in the next few weeks).

Parabens are another nasty chemical that is in so many things. They are the preservatives found in skin care products that have been found to disrupt our endocrine system. Look at the ingredient list of items you purchase for: methyl-, ethyl-, propyl-, butyl-, paraben. Our hormones govern all the biological processes in our body, so this is especially important for young girls and children. There has also been a lot of controversy recently around breast cancers finding parabens in the tissue.

Here, we can buy skin care and more that is stated “paraben-free” on the label or website. Sophie also suggests that we make our own skin care products – which also allows us to save money, too. That's one of my goals, personally, though I've yet to find the time or energy to do so. Sophie has several books, and one of them has many recipes for very easy and natural - and cheap (not just put mayonnaise in your hair!) recipes for this. Sophie's orange alert list for skincare includes: Fragrance, anti-bacterial products (Triclosan), Polyethylene Glycol (PEG), Talc, MEA, DEA, TEA, Sulphates, FD&C and D&C (with a number). Those are the ones you want to avoid.

Chemical sunscreens are another big issue - and with summer just arriving (literally, today, in Chicago), this is the time to think about it. We need sunscreens for a lot of reasons, but the ones we typically buy have problems. Think about sunscreen in two ways. Sunscreens can have a physical barrier – think the lifeguard white of zinc oxide or titanium dioxide – or a chemical barrier – PABA, oxybenzone. The chemical barriers are a huge problem for many reasons, but no one wants to walk around with the white nose look. Instead, there are new technologies out there that make the physical barrier possible without that look. You want to look for the micronization or the nano particles (the micronized particles are preferred) which give you that physical barrier without the white. Also, do not spray your children with the sunscreen! When you are buying sunscreen, there is very little difference between a 15 and a 30, and definitely anything beyond that is not worth it. Make sure you reapply every 2 hours with the 30 - and always reapply after you've been in the water.

Fire retardants (PBDs)are a big problem, and they're in sleepwear, bedding, mattresses, computers, electronics, and more. Breast milk was tested and it is showing PBDs. Even newborn babies are showing a body burden of fire retardants, etc. When you buy a new computer, etc. really be mindful of what the companies are doing to phase out the worst of the chemicals. When you purchase sleepwear, wash it in detergent like dishwashing soap. They say to be careful with washing it so you don’t wash out the fire retardant, but I'd much rather keep myself safe and watch myself around fire.

For your bedroom, the mattress and bedding are issues with the PBDs, especially after Congress passed the regulation that all bedding has to be flame retardant. Check out the specs: they cannot catch fire with a two foot wide flame thrower for 70 seconds. Seriously? That's the issue? Needless to say, you can imagine the chemicals required to make that happen. There are organic mattresses you can still buy, but they are super expensive. Sophie recommends the wool bed company www.surroundewe.com that makes a mattress topper and then has something that encases your entire mattress so the chemicals stay away from you but you aren't spending $10,000 on a mattress. Considering how close I am to needing a new mattress (mine is from the mid-1990s - honestly), this is something I will be looking into shortly!

There are similar issues with the chemicals in all our carpets and rugs and furniture. Sophie mentioned www.flor.com that makes tiles for the floor that are wool and nontoxic and affordable. For furniture, you want to avoid particleboard or engineered wood. She brought up the example of cribs that are hardwood - oh, except for the slats. Search hard and ask a lot of questions. Paint is one that most people are familiar with, and it's becoming easier to find ones that have zero VOC, plus you always want to ensure there is adequate ventilation.

In the kitchen, we're familiar with many of the recommendations to avoid bPA - and now many of the replacements for bPA are shown to be not so safe. Use glass storage, which is becoming more and more readily available. You want to have a water filter (LifeSource is far better than reverse osmosis in Sophie's opinion) for both cooking and drinking. Buy and use non-toxic pans (360 Cookware and Chantal), and minimize microwave use. Try to get rid of as much plastic as possible.

Sophie is also bit on making your own cleaning supplies. You don’t need to buy the eco-friendly cleaners that are so expensive. Instead, you can do your own for $0.20/bottle plus smell great and non toxic. Use hydrogen peroxide – which is completely non toxic – in an opaque sprayer bottle and use that to kill the germs in your homes. Can also essential oils like lemon or rosemary. Almost every essential oil has antibacterial properties. Personally, I also adore my Ionator HOM and use that for just about everything. If you have lemon juice, vinegar, baking soda, and hydrogen peroxide, you've just just about everything you need for cleaning - and so much cheaper, too!

In your living Room, you want to use an aromatherapy diffuser and not the plug-in air fresheners (remember the warning earlier about "fragrance"), try beeswax candles (which are great for asthma – and can make your own easily and cheaply with instructions in Sophie's book), use baking soda to deodorize your carpet when you vacuum and also upholstery when it stains. Make sure you're vacuuming around the entertainment console at least twice a week. The dust there picks up all sorts of nasties and then gets spread throughout your house. There are also specific houseplants that can really help your air quality, again with specific recommendations you can get through Sophie's website and books.

In the bathroom, you can clean just about everything with white vinegar and hydrogen peroxide with a little tea tree essential oil. It has huge antibacterial properties. You also want to look into a whole house filtration system – 50-70% of exposure to water pollutants for adults occurs through the skin. Use a a healthier shower curtain that isn't vinyl - or get the glass doors like I just did! You also want to be careful of the chemicals that are in your toothpase and mouthwash – watch for fluoride and dyes there (flueoridealert.com for more information). There are tons of natural toothpastes out there now, and I really like some of them, personally. You also want to get chlorine and percholorate out of your water.

To improve the general air quality, you want to plant trees in your environment. Try to bike or walk in low-traffic hours when the pollution isn't so dense. Definitely purchase a top notch air purifier (Sun Pure), and clean your ducts.

Obviously when it comes to food, we want to cook from scratch as much as possible. There are tons of chemicals we can avoid during the processing of food that way. You also want to know what to buy organic and not to buy organic. Look for the dirty dozen and green fifteen that are released each year to help you decide. When eating, you want to get a lot of leafy greens (kale & spinach) with folate to protect against chemical exposure. Where possible, you want to grow your own food in a garden. If you can, minimize meat and dairy intake. Sophie suggests eating minimally cooked food to ensure you eat enzyme rich food. When asked what the easiest and best thing to start with – it’s food. We eat every day, and this is super easy.

There was also a lot of recommendations by Sophie to say no to GMOs. Currently, the US labeling doesn’t tell us about GMOs, and she believes the risks on human health are not yet adequately studied. If you buy USDA certified Organic, it cannot be GMOs. There are clues, however. Look at the digits on product stickers – if it begins with a 4, you don’t know what is. If it begins with an 8, it is GMO. If it begins with a 9, it’s fine. You can try to order a produce box from an organic farm or join a CSA – which is often better than farmer’s markets because those can include farmers from all types of farming methods. Be careful with soy and corn, Sophie suggests.

Just finding ways to eat healthier is huge with Sophie. She suggests we use coconut oil - which is something that I will be looking into now - for all our cooking. To help pass it to the next generation, always involve your kids in the preparation of food, except in those cases where you're sneaking greens into their foods! On that note, Sophie recommends soups as a great way to put all sorts of great stuff like veggies and such that they don’t realize. She also wants us to have a mini-salad with every meal, which is a great idea, I think.

When you're having a baby, there's another big priority list in Sophie's mind. You want to have BPA-free bottles – glass bottles are best, and there are lots of shatter-proof ones out there now. Look for organic food and mattress and bedding. You want to use non-toxic skin and bath products. Get a HEPA filter in the room. This is critical per Sophie because fire retardants build up in dust, and this will get them out and away from us.

There is also a huge checklist of things at our children's school, especially considering that they spend so much time there every day. What cleaning products do they use at school? Have they checked the paint for lead? Is the water filtered in fountains? Has any artificial grass passed tests? Are there hand sanitizers in class rooms? What do they do at parties? Typically, they are so wasteful with games and paper products and everything else, plus there are all the dyes etc with toxins that Sophie is concerned with. What is the policy on carrying cell phones? What is the ventilation like? Lighting: is it full-spectrum? See if they can replace the lights with full spectrum lights that we need to fully function biologically, Sophie explained.

This seems really overwhelming, especially to me. Rather than making it a one woman crusade, can you work with other parents to put together a green team to look into all this and work on it? Sophie asks if you can make your own non-toxic hand sanitizer and bring it into the classrooms and teach the kids and their parents to do the same - yes, she provides a recipe in her books.

It’s all about finding your sweet spot. Everybody has their sweet spot, something they’re passionate about that they can do. Maybe you love to cook. Maybe you love to galvanize people in your office. Maybe you’re super involved in your school. Pick one thing and green that. It’s too overwhelming if you try to do it all at once.

As Sophie explained it, when we’re communicating about green, come from a place of love not fear. It’s not something that should make people feel guilty. We should never do this. It’s just about caring and coming from a point of loving yourself, your life, your kids, and the planet. If you come from that point of view, you don’t do it because you have to or someone is telling you to, but because you want to.

And that whole post is overwhelming. Can I do all of it? Nope. Can I do half of it? Probably not. Can I make fifty better decisions here and there? Absolutely. And that's what I'm going to focus on. You can, too. In all, I found her talk incredibly informative and inspiring, although it really opens my eyes up to how much more work I need to do - like that vacuuming around my console to get rid of the radiation building up in the dust around it!

For more information, visit Sophie Uliano's website here.

More Autism One posts to come. I've got almost 15 lectures, I think, and I'll be putting them up as I have the time to sort through my notes. I hope they are interesting or helpful for you. Please let me know your feedback - and be aware that I am posting the information from the presentation, with my opinions noted in places, not presenting what is 100% my opinion.

Win a $100 gift card to Lands End here.

A Great Translation With A Girl In Translation

I wrote a post last year inspired by A Girl In Translation, and this time around, I'm giving it an official review. I read the whole book again, and I am glad I did. It was just as engaging this time as it was before. Want to know why? Read my review on BlogHer here.

Win a $100 gift card to Lands End here