Sunday, July 18, 2010

Pushing Through The Unexpected

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Two good friends of mine from college got married on the same day almost eleven years ago. I had to choose only one wedding to attend, and it turns out I chose the right one.

My out of town friend called me four years into his marriage to let me know that his wife had left him. She had simply decided that she didn't love him anymore - if she ever had - and that she wanted her own life back in Chicago.

While he was devastated, he wasn't accepting it. There was nothing to precipitate it, and no reason she couldn't work through it. He decided to support her and let her work through it to realize that it was something else in her life that she was dissatisfied with and not him.

The parallels between that situation and the one described in This Is Not The Story You Think It Is by Laura Munson where she goes through her day by day personal tragedy after her husband gave her the same news.

At least publicly, my friend dealt with his grief gracefully. He continued moving forward with his life, maintaining interests and creating new ones. In the end, his wife became his ex-wife, and he dealt with that well - and is now married with an almost one year old child.

When I think about the pain that he had to have been going through, his complete faith inspires me. He's like me in that he prefers life to be well-ordered and predictable (yeah, with children, that gets stretched a bit), but he always knew he would be happy and that he could find his way to peace again, moving forward just one day at a time.

I'll be honest that there are days when my life isn't the peaches and roses I wish it were. There are days I wish I were still single and in the city with only myself as a responsibility. And there are days my husband drives me batty and I dream about a husband who can magically read my mind. But I know that I wouldn't change what I have if I could - and that faith keeps me grounded.

This post was inspired by "This Is Not The Story You Think It Is" by Laura Munson, which I received as part of the Left to Write book club. We do not do book reviews but rather write about something the book inspires (and no, I would not recommend this book, as a side note).

11 comments:

Mrs4444 July 18, 2010 at 11:01 PM  

Every time I hear a story like this, I have to stop and take stock, because I don't believe that stuff truly comes "out of nowhere." We take a risk when we take our lives/spouses for granted or ignore warning signs. Hopefully, I never find myself in that position. Thanks for the reminder.

Sky Princess July 19, 2010 at 4:16 PM  

Dealing with situations gracefully while you are hurting beyond belief is incredibly hard. I would be nice to be able to look back on a breakup, no matter what the outcome, knowing that you kept yourself together as best as you could.

Michelle July 19, 2010 at 10:31 PM  

Mrs4444 - I'm with you. I know I'm "relatively" safe because my husband HAS been divorced and never wants to do that again, but that doesn't mean taking things for granted. Here's hoping you're never there either!

Sky Princess - There are so many situations that I wish I dealt with more gracefully. It's never an easy situation to be in.

Lisa Hanneman July 19, 2010 at 10:34 PM  

What I find to be crazy is how often I hear this story. Seems like so many people are trying to find themselves, take some time, and just walking away. You'd hope that people would do this before getting married, huh?

Michelle July 19, 2010 at 10:39 PM  

Lisa - Yeah, you would... but with a disposable society, are we always really that surprised that marriage is disposable?

metooyoublog.com July 20, 2010 at 11:27 AM  

I think it is very hard to have that kind of faith, but I have seen people do it. I have no idea what I would do if my husband said those words to me. When you have kids, you actually have to keep on going and stay positive "for them" and I think that might keep me going to some extent.

Alexis AKA MOM July 20, 2010 at 9:25 PM  

I so need that faith is keeping me going right now. I have been hit with some hard stuff that I thought wouldn't come to me again but here I am again and just wanting to go back to being myself and not having to worry about any body else. This really wasn't the life I signed up for but I'm trying to work it :)

Michelle July 20, 2010 at 11:28 PM  

MeTooYou - I don't know what I would do either, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't react gracefully! And absolutely, the wee ones would help me keep my head, but yikes!

Alexis - I don't know how many of us really do have the life we signed up for, but somehow we make it through. *hugs* you you.

septembermom July 21, 2010 at 12:04 PM  

I agree with you statement above: "I don't know how many of us really do have the life we signed up for, but somehow we make it through." It is really about making it through each day and seeing the good in the routine and familiar.

lauramunson July 22, 2010 at 11:42 PM  

Thank you for reading
my book and for this discussion. I want it to help. yrs. Laura.

Michelle July 24, 2010 at 12:08 AM  

Kelly - And finding the good - and the silver lining - is really what keeps us going some days when everything seems to be going wrong. Then we have the real rays of sunshine that make it all worthwhile!

Laura - Thank you for the book! I hope that it does reach women and help them. So many people need it.

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