Friday, May 16, 2008

Keep Jumpropes Away From Me!

Like many of you, I've been away in the middle of the night watching informercials with a nursing baby. Or randomly sucking baby, as the case may be. I've come so close to buying so many different things, and not just exercise equipment.

I could be a salesperson for VitaMix. That is truly the coolest invention ever, and I soooo want one but can't justify spending the money on it. And the Magic Bullet? I'm teased now every time I go to Target and see their display.

I actually went so far as to ask my yoga instructor about the ballet barre resistance exerciser that looked so cool. It's easy exercises that use your body's weight as resistance to totally tone and shape and strengthen. Just what I need! And I almost called. I really did, but then I sent the email to my yoga instructor. And she cautioned that without a dance background (ha!), I risked injuring myself pretty badly.

So instead... I bought a jumprope. Yep, a plain old jumprope like I used to have when I was growing up. I remember jumping rope for hours singing songs about Cinderella, teddy bears and more. Plus, do you have any idea how many calories that burns?

I decided to use it in the basement for a few reasons. First, no neighbors would be able to witness my attempts. Second, I didn't want to do this when my kids were around (yeah, I can explain why my kid has a whipping rope bruise on his face) and jumping on the main floor would wake them up if they were sleeping. Third, I figured the carpeting in the basement would make some nice cushioning for jumping.

I really thought it through, didn't I?

Except for one small part. The ceilings in my basement are normal height. The jumprope circle is essentially 1.5 times my height. We have drop tile ceilings in my basement. Can anyone do the math here?

The rope went up and around the first time and hit the ceiling tile. So what, really. It makes a noise, but I was able to get it up and over. Again, and again, I hit the ceiling tile. Ok, again, rest. Again, break. Again, puff puff puff.

Eventually, the tile decided it didn't like being whacked by the jump rope. Here's where I blame the former owners of my house for putting in defective materials in the basement. It cracked into about six pieces and came tumbling down on my poor, unsuspecting head.

Needless to say, that scared the cr#p otu of me. I jumped forward. I tripped on the rope. I went flying forward towards my beautiful yellow couch. I didn't realize how squared off the edges of the couch are, but I certainly do now. I ended up ramming into it with my left cheekbone.

Forget explaining a rope bruise on the wee ones. I had to spend about a week and a half making up plausible stories about the massive bruise covering the left half of my face until I finally became adept enough with my makeup to hide it.

But at least no one called DCFS on me.

Does anyone else have a great excercise purchase mishap story? You could win a Wii and a Wii Fit balance board and game if you visit Three Kid Circus before midnight tonight and share your story.
C'mon, if I win, do you really think I could injure myself worse with a Wii than I did with the jump rope? Don't answer that.

6 comments:

Cookie May 16, 2008 at 11:17 PM  

That is funny! I tried to teach my kids how to jump rope... that lasted all of about 2 turns of the rope. Maybe in another 10 years i'll try it again ;)
Hope your bruises heal fast!

Driving With the Brakes On May 16, 2008 at 11:44 PM  

I have thought several times about getting a jumprope - cheap, easy, and a good workout - after reading that story, however, I think I may have to pass! I am glad you are okay, and were the voting up to me, that would certainly be the winner!

Irene May 17, 2008 at 6:58 AM  

That is hilarious! And it sounds like exactly something I would do. Any my hubby would be making SO much fun of me. He can be relentless.

Michelle May 17, 2008 at 4:06 PM  

Cookie -- Fortunately, this incident happened a few months ago, so no bruises at this point. They were quite lovely. And I went to check to see where the jumprope was now. Shockingly, it's still on the bookcase shelf in the basement where I left it. I'm debating whether or not to try it again. Here's hoping your kids pick it up easier than I did!

DWTBO -- (sorry, I'm too lazy to type it all out, I hope you don't mind...) Thanks for your vote of support. Keep in mind that my ummm issue was most likely an isolated incident, and I hear many people enjoy their jump ropes. I think next time I may try it on a track at a local high school in the dead of night when no one's around. That should give me open space, a nice place to fall, no ceiling, no visibility to others, and nothing to catch the rope on the floor. I think.

Irene -- I've been lucky. My husband laughed once and then just shook his head whenever he saw me for the next couple weeks.

Jeff May 17, 2008 at 4:37 PM  

Heh, hurt by a jumprope eh? I must say that's a new one for me ;-)

Michelle May 17, 2008 at 9:18 PM  

Jeff -- technically, the couch hurt me not the jump rope. Of course, I'm not sure that's any better though....

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